Lily the Waitress
by An Aspiring Author
Summary: Six months ago Lily Evans left the world of wizards behind. Now she is a muggle waitress in her cousin's restaurant. Though everything changes when some old friends come to dine. LJ COMPLETE
1. The First Friday

Lily sighed. Ever since she had graduated from Hogwarts six months ago, her life had gone downhill. She wasn't training to be either an Auror or a Healer, her two preferred professions. She didn't have a boyfriend because she had broken off a relationship with a truly wonderful man. And her family was dead. Her parents had been killed by Voldemort right in front of her and her only sister had disowned her after that.

Now she was a waitress in a restaurant/bar in London that her only cousin owned. Lily had worked at her cousin, Daisy's restaurant the previous two summers and now she was on full time. She also lived in the small apartment that Daisy and her husband Mike, had recently vacated to make room for their growing family.

Lily sighed again as she glanced at her watch. Her break was over and she was badly needed in the restaurant because it was a busy Friday night. So she walked back into the kitchen from the back alley and into the main dining room. She surveyed the scene and then Daisy came up to her. "Lil, table of four that needs their orders taken. Table 16."

And then Daisy was off again. Lily sighed for the third time in just a few minutes and set off to take drink orders from Table 16. Unfortunately for her, Table 16 was not just an ordinary group of young men; they were young men she knew, young men from school. For a moment Lily's heart stopped, but then she realized that they wouldn't recognize her. She had dyed her gorgeous red locks brown and had charmed her brilliant green eyes to be chocolate brown. So she took a deep breath and went over to get the orders from the four Marauders.

"Hello, my name is Meaghan and I will be taking care of you tonight," Lily said normally. "Are you ready to order drinks yet?"

The four eighteen year old boys ordered beer, Lily checked their ids, which she knew had to be fake, but she knew that they were all eighteen, so she let it slide and then left to get their drinks. Right after she left, Remus got up and said he was going to the bathroom.

Fortunately the bathrooms were very close to the kitchens, so the three Marauders still at the table didn't notice when Remus ducked, not into the bathrooms, but the kitchen. Lily was right inside the door, just leaning up against the wall and breathing deeply, as if she had just run a marathon.

"Hello Lily," said Remus casually.

Lily jumped at the sound of her own name. For the last six months she had been going by Meaghan.

"Remus," she said as she looked left and right.

"What happened to you?"

"It's a long story Remus, one I don't wish to relate."

"Alright then, _Meaghan_, why are you working here?"

Lily exhaled deeply and closed her eyes. "I can't tell you here, but meet me back here at eleven and I'll explain what I can, ok?"

"What about the other guys? We have all been really worried about you, especially James."

"Do they know who I am?"

"No."

"Then don't bring them. Wait a minute, how did you know?" asked Lily opening her eyes quickly.

"It was pretty obvious. You are still Lily, even if you do go by your middle name. But, don't worry, James, Sirius and Peter see what they want to see; I doubt they will catch on."

"Ok Remus, and thanks."

"Anytime Lily."

Then Remus left and rejoined his friends. Soon after, Meaghan gave them their drinks and they ordered their meals. As the meal progressed Meaghan began to feel more comfortable around the boys. It had become obvious that Remus was the only one who was going to discover her true identity. This was due partly to the fact that the four were a little tipsy and partly because James looked her straight in the eye and didn't say anything. Even so, Lily breathed a sigh of relief after the quartet finished their dessert, paid their bill and left. This was replaced by a gasp at the enormous tip they had left her. Did they really know who she was?

True to his word, Remus arrived back at the restaurant at eleven. She had been waiting for him, so she let him right in and took him to the kitchen and made some tea. At first no one said anything, but after Lily/ Meaghan, had sat down with the tea, she asked quietly, "How is J-J-ames?"

It was Remus's turn to sigh. "He, he's doing ok now, but you saw him tonight. Was that the James Potter you know?"

Remus was right. James was not the same man she had known six months ago. The mischievous glint in his eye had been replaced by hard-set determination and he had rarely laughed or smiled all night. He talked as if whatever he was saying was going to be his last words.

"No. But what happened?"

Remus didn't want to through a ton of guilt and blame onto Lily's shoulders, but from the way she had asked her question, he knew that she knew that she was to blame. "It really tore him up inside when you disappeared. For a while there Sirius, Peter and I were really worried. He wouldn't eat or sleep or even bathe."

Lily put her head in her hands and leaned her elbows on the table. "I know that it's all my fault Remus, but you just have to understand that what I did, I had to do."

"But why Lily? You disappeared without a trace! Even now James doesn't know if you're alive or dead or captured! He spends all of his free time trying to find out where you are!"

"Remus! You don't understand! They were going to kill him!"

"Who was going to kill whom?"

"Voldemort," whispered Lily. "He came after me. That's why I had to go into hiding. Not even Dumbledore knows where I am."

"You think impersonating a muggle will keep you safe from Voldemort? If anything it makes you more vulnerable! There is no one around to protect you or help you."

"He killed my parents in front of me Remus. I came home one night after I got home from Hogwarts. I walked into the living room and there he was. He knocked my wand out of my hand." Lily shuddered at the memory she had been repressing for the last five and a half months, but then continued. "And then he asked me to join him. I refused. Then he revealed my parents tied up. He tortured my mother. He asked again. I refused. Oh Remus, my parents thought that I was just letting them die. So then he killed my father. With one terrible spell, my father was dead. And I still wouldn't join him. So he killed my mom. Then he turned on me. I grabbed my wand and ran out. Then I apparated to a hill near my house. I saw him walk out of my house and put his mark above it. Then he destroyed it. Later, the Ministry showed up. They only found the bodies of my parents." Lily was sobbing gently into her hands now.

Remus finished the story, more for Lily than himself. "The Aurors deduced that you had been killed because your neighbors had seen you go in, but not out."

"I went out the back way," stated Lily.

"And they had seen Voldemort go out by himself. For some reason James didn't believe you had died. Neither did Dumbledore, so we all tried to hope you'd return."

Remus put a comforting arm around Lily and said gently, "Why didn't you go to James or Sirius or Peter or Alice or Fiona or me. Any of us would have helped to protect you. You would have been safe. We would have talked to the Order and Dumbledore."

"I didn't tell you the whole story. I left out the taunting portion of the evening. After my parents were, were murdered," Lily took a deep breath. "He told me that he wasn't going to kill me right then. No, he was going to go after everyone I loved."

"That's an empty threat Lily."

"No it wasn't. He had found my parents; it was only a matter of time before he found my sister and her husband and then moved onto my friends."

"But he still can go after them Lily, only now you wouldn't know."

"He thinks I'm dead. When I said I lunged for my wand, well it was then that he shot the killing curse at me. It just barely missed me, close enough to make it look real and yet I was still alive. Then he laughed and walked out. Then I left."

Remus mulled over the new information Lily had given him and pieced it together with her initial story. "What did he tell you?"

"I told me that since he was done with my parents he was going to move on to my boyfriend, James. Then after James he would kill Alice, Sirius, Fiona and you."

"What about Peter?"

Lily thought for a moment. "I don't remember hearing Peter's name, but that doesn't mean he didn't say it."

"So, what are you going to do now? James really misses you, we all miss you."

"You want me to come back," stated Lily.

"Yes, you aren't helping anyone by being a waitress and Voldemort is getting stronger. We need someone of your skill as an Auror or a Healer or and In-field Healer."

"Remus, if I go back people will get hurt! I am not going to watch you and others get killed because of me!"

"Alright Lily, it's your decision. Just know that we all miss you and James needs you."

Remus got up to go and Lily said, "Thanks for coming back Remus, but stay after from this place now, ok?"

"Sure thing Lily. Thanks for the tea."

Then Remus was gone and Lily locked up and went to her apartment. Now she was alone. Alone and in darkness. Ever since the murder of her parents, Lily had been afraid of the darkness. Her house had been dark when she entered it and the darkness had concealed her greatest fear. Every night when she got up to her apartment, she paused before turning on the light. Tonight was no worse. All of the terror she had felt the night of her parents' murder flowed through her body. She couldn't do it; she couldn't turn on the light. In the darkness she moved along the wall and into one bedroom of the two above the restaurant. She collapsed on the bed without taking off her clothes and stared out the window. Like every other night since Hogwarts, Lily looked out the window and stared at the stars, thinking of James and what he was doing at that time.


	2. Offers and Confessions

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all signs tell me that I never will.**

The following week went okay for Meaghan. Business was a little slow and Daisy was a little cranky due to the fact that she was six months pregnant, but other than that, life was its usual depressing bore. However, Meaghan was grateful for the boring monotony of her new life. The way she looked at it, at least she wasn't dead and she wasn't endangering anyone because of her bloodline and magical abilities.

So as her alarm rang out shrilly in the early morning, Meaghan gave thanks that she hadn't seen or heard from Remus since the previous Friday and got up. Then she showered, dressed and headed down to the restaurant to get some breakfast. She didn't bother to keep much food in her apartment as there was a fully stocked and large pantry just below her floor.

Meaghan got her breakfast of toast and coffee and waited for Daisy and Mike to arrive so that they could open the restaurant for breakfast. She didn't wait long; Daisy and Mike soon drove up and entered the restaurant, The Blue-eyed Daisy. Within seconds the couple joined Meaghan in the kitchen.

"Morning Lil," said Daisy cheerily as she grabbed a piece of toast off of her cousin's plate.

Meaghan sighed, "How many times must I ask you not to call me that?"

"At least fourteen thousand more is my guess," said Mike as he grabbed an apron from the pegs in the wall near the pantry and began to get ready for his job as the Head Cook of The Blue-eyed Daisy.

"But no one is here besides us," protested Daisy.

"Just don't, okay, you never know who may be listening."

"You are so paranoid!" exclaimed Daisy. "You need more fun in your life, or a man, or both. In fact I think that if you had a man you would have more fun."

Meaghan's depressed look at the mention of men elicited curiosity from Daisy.

"Oh, so who's the guy and why did you dump him?"

"What makes you think there is a guy that I dumped?" snapped Meaghan.

Daisy smiled, "You just had that look that said, 'he was really hot, why did I let him go?'"

"Yeah well, if I **did** dump someone and **was** pining over their memory, it would not be because they were hot."

"Yeah yeah, I know that you aren't like that and all that crud," said Daisy dismissively.

"Hey! I resent that."

"Good."

"What?"

Daisy laughed, "I don't know."

"Crazy Daisy, remember that lovely nickname bestowed upon you by that kid down the street, Bill, when we were little?"

"I remember it, but we weren't little. I was probably around thirteen and you were five."

"It's younger than we are now, so it qualifies as little."

Then Daisy steered the conversation back to where she wanted it, "Enough of changing the subject. I'm worried about you Lil, ummm Meg, you work all day, every day and you never go out or have any fun."

"Who says work can't be fun?"

"Come on Li-Meg, just promise me that if anyone asks you out, you'll consider it, ok?"

"Alright," said Meaghan as she let out her breath slowly. "If he isn't creepy, or weird, or scary, or looks like a serial killer, then I will consider going out with him. Oh and they can't be really old or really young."

"Good luck finding one of those," joked Daisy.

Just then the little bell placed above the door signaled the presence of a customer.

"Well I better get to work or my boss will kill me, she is such a mean person. Never lets me have breaks or vacation time," trailed Meaghan as she left the kitchen to go and seat the customers.

And so the day started. Eleven hours later the restaurant was busier than it had been all week and Meaghan was making a lot of money in tips. She also got asked out six times, twice by men who were clearly drunk, once by a man who was clearly in his late thirties, twice by men who weren't even seventeen yet and once by Sirius Black for James Potter. Yes, the Marauders had returned to the Blue-eyed Daisy. Yet, they were short of a member; Remus was missing.

Anyways, while Meaghan served dessert Sirius said, "I don't believe that we have had any formal introductions Miss Meaghan. I am Sirius Black, across from me is Peter Pettigrew and to my left is James Potter."

Meaghan smiled, "Meaghan Haeden, it's a pleasure to meet you all."

Then she turned to go, but Sirius said, "Well the guys and I were wondering if you would let our dear friend James here, take you out to dinner tomorrow night."

Meaghan, as she had promised her older cousin, considered the offer, she really did. She looked at Sirius who had a dashing smile on and then at James who had a look of indifference and sadness on his face. So she answered, "I'm sorry, I really am, but I just have to say no."

"Why?" asked Peter.

"Because I don't date men that can't ask me for themselves," said Meaghan as she walked back to the kitchen.

Sirius wasn't about to give up so easily however. He knew two things, (not total, just about the situation). One was that James was still pining over Lily and there was little or no chance of her still being alive and that he needed to get over her by dating other women. Two was that Meaghan was pretty and young and James fancied her. Sirius knew about the second thing because James had suggested that they return to the Blue-eyed Daisy for their traditional Friday night outing. The food was good and all, but they could have good food at the Three Broomsticks, or Merlin's kitchen. Why eat at a muggle restaurant? Because of the hot waitress there.

So he followed Meaghan and before she entered the kitchen, he touched her shoulder lightly. When she turned around, Sirius said, "Please go out with James. He lost his girlfriend a few months ago and he needs to get over her. So please, please, please, just let him take you out. My friends and I are really concerned about him."

"If he asks me himself, I guess I will," conceded Meaghan.

"Excellent, I will go and tell him."

Then Sirius left and Meaghan wondered what she had gotten herself into. She still loved James and obviously he still loved her, well he still loved Lily.

"Good news Prongs mate, the lovely Meaghan agreed to go out with you, provided that you ask her yourself," said Sirius as he walked back to his friends.

"I don't need your help to get dates, Padfoot," exclaimed James angrily. He put some muggle money on the table and got up and left.

"So," said Sirius. "Do you now how this muggle money works Wormtail?"

Peter shook his head.

"Well then, I guess we'll just have to guess at it. Where is Moony when you need him?"

"Having trouble boys?" asked Meaghan as she came over to their table to collect the money.

"Yeah, unfortunately, I forgot my glasses and Peter here isn't so good with math. I was just wondering if you would help me out with the money. Here are the bills." Sirius shoved a bunch of paper money into Meaghan's hands. She took it, left and then brought back the change.

"Here you are," she said as she handed back the money.

"Thank you so much," gushed Sirius. Then to Peter he said, "Remind me not to forget my glasses next week."

Peter nodded.

Sirius left a big tip (he just put several bills on the table) and then the quartet, now reduced to a duo, left the restaurant.

That night Meaghan had a lot to think about.

_Did she want to go out with James? Yes, of course she did. If she did go out with him, could that put him in danger? No, Meaghan Haeden would be going out with him, not Lily Evans. Was Lily the one who was endangering him? Yes, because Lily was muggle-born and a powerful witch, Voldemort had targeted her. But Meaghan was just an ordinary muggle waitress, a waitress who kept a stick in her pocket at all times, just in case. She wasn't paranoid, she just felt like something was missing without her wand because she had carried it for so many years. Yeah that was it. It wasn't because she expected Death Eaters to find her at any second. No that was definitely not it. So now what? What would she say if James asked her out? Why did he leave so suddenly? Did he not want to go out with Meaghan? Was he still hung up on Lily? Why was she speaking of herself as two different people? Was she Lily or Meaghan?_

"Lily!" shouted Daisy.

Meaghan whirled around, her attention finally having been caught.

"Sorry," apologized Daisy. "But I figured that that would get your attention. What's up with you, you have been distracted for a while now?"

"Nothing, just thinking."

"Yeah, I've been thinking too. Li-Meaghan, what are you planning on doing with your life?"

Meaghan sat down on the stairs up to her apartment, which she had previously been climbing. With some difficulty Daisy sat down next to her.

"What do you mean? Are you firing me?"

"No of course not sweetie, it's just that, do you really want to be a waitress forever? Owning my own restaurant has been my dream for years, and when my grandfather passed and left it to me I knew my dreams had come true, but I have never thought that you would want to spend your life as a lonely waitress. When you showed up here I agreed to hire you and you've been great, really. But…"

"But what?" asked Meaghan somewhat sourly.

"You need to tell me what happened that night you house caught on fire and your parents died in it. You know that people thought you had died too?"

"Yes, and it's true. Lily Evans died in that fire."

"I don't understand."

"There are a lot of things that you don't understand about me. First of all, I didn't go to some fancy finishing school, I went to a boarding school to learn magic. I'm a witch."

Daisy laughed, "That's a horrible thing to say about yourself, you are a lovely person Meaghan."

Meaghan did not laugh. "No, you don't get it. I am a witch," said Meaghan slowly. Then she pulled her wand out of her pocket. "See, wand."

"So, you can do magic?"

"I ought to; I spent seven years studying it."

"Can you do some for me?"

Meaghan stopped halfway through an incantation. "No, I can't. One, I'm not allowed to do magic in front of people who aren't witches or wizards and two I don't want the Ministry on my case."

"Yeah, back to that. What is going on?"

"Ok, no interruptions until I'm through. I'm going to start from the point where I left school." Daisy nodded and Meaghan went on. "Life was really great. I graduated at the top of my class at my school. I went back to live at home because the apartment I was going to share with two of my friends, Fiona and Alice wasn't going to be ready for a few weeks. So it was late at night and I was just getting home…"

"Where were you?" asked Daisy, ever looking for some nice juicy gossip.

"I was out with my boyfriend," replied Meaghan, letting the no-interruption rule slide. She had known when she had said it that Daisy wouldn't be able to control herself.

"Ooohhh, who was he, what did he look like, tell me everything!"

"Well, his name was, is, James Potter. He was, is, six foot two, has black hair and hazel eyes. He also wears glasses."

"Ok, now his school career."

"Well he was captain and star player of his team."

"What sport?"

Meaghan paused for a moment, unsure of how to respond. "It's a wizard sport played on brooms, called Quidditch."

Daisy nodded, and said "Ok, yeah, keep going."

"Well, he was also one of the top of our class in academics, and Head Boy."

"I'm sorry Lily, but he sounds incredibly, just like you; dedicated to his studies and extremely smart."

Meaghan laughed. "Believe me, there is no one less like me than James. He probably studied for a total of six hours in the seven years he went to school. He breezed through everything, tests, homework, Quidditch, girls."

Now it was Daisy's turn to laugh, "You dated a player? I can not even imagine it."

"No of course I didn't date a player! Now this next part is going to sound all conceited and vain, but he stopped dating every girl in sight, for me."

"Ahhh, how sweet," cooed Daisy.

Meaghan smiled shyly and said, "Yeah, it really was."

"So why didn't you tell me you already had a boyfriend! You let me walk all over you about not having a man in your life this morning! How long have you been dating?"

Meaghan's smile quickly turned into a frown, "Well James had been dating Lily for seven months when she died."

"So you haven't seen him since then?"

"No, the last time I saw him was about two hours ago."

"You mean he was here! Why didn't you point him out and tell me! I can't believe I missed meeting your boyfriend!"

Meaghan gently corrected her cousin, "Ex-boyfriend. And he doesn't know that I am me, I mean that Meaghan is really Lily, or wait is Lily really Meaghan?"

"I am so confused."

"Yeah, me too. Well anyways, he doesn't know who I am and he doesn't need to. This way I still get to see him and no one gets hurt."

"Except for you and him," pointed out Daisy. "Next time he comes in, point him out ok? I promise I won't do anything rash or bold."

"Alright," agreed Meaghan.

"Now finish telling me why you are in hiding after faking your own death."

"Well anyways, I went home and there was this evil wizard at my house. The long and short of it is, he killed my parents, nearly killed me and then blew up my house."

"Oh Lily honey, I am so sorry, I didn't know," said Daisy as she pulled Meaghan into a hug.

Once Daisy had relinquished her grip on Meaghan, Meaghan continued her story. "Yeah and this evil wizard swore he would go after my friends and stuff…"

"So you are in hiding so he thinks you're dead and won't go after your friends or the love of your life," finished Daisy.

"Exactly."

"Oh Lily, is there anything I can do?"

"Just let me stay here."

"Of course."

Then Mike appeared at the foot of the stairs. "Ready to go honey? Everything is all cleaned up and ready for tomorrow."

Daisy nodded and Meaghan and Mike helped her up from the stairs. The group said their good nights and then Meaghan went up the stairs to her apartment. For the second Friday in a row, she did not turn on the light.


	3. Acceptance

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all signs tell me that I never will.**

And once again it was a Friday. Meaghan got up, showered and headed down to the kitchens just like she did every other day of her life. Before she knew it, it was dinner time. And just like Lily was both fearing, and secretly hoping, the Maruaders, (minus Remus once again, who was staying away because Lily asked him to) would show up. As soon as Lily saw them walk in the door, she immediately turned around and walked back into the kitchen. Even in the rush of activity Daisy could see her little cousin leaning up against the wall looking scared.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Daisy as she hurried over. "You look like you've just seen a ghost."

"Not a ghost," replied Meaghan. "Just an old boyfriend and two of his best friends."

"He's here again?" asked Daisy excitedly.

Meaghan nodded her head.

"So what's the problem?"

"I'm afraid that he'll ask me out," mumbled Meaghan.

"What was that?"

"I don't want him to ask me out," said Meaghan a little louder.

"Why not?" asked Daisy.

"Because, like I told you, I could endanger him and his friends and my friends," said Lily as she voiced the decision that she had finally come to after mulling it over all week. "He would figure out it was me, and then everything would go wrong. You-know-who would find out, and then voila! Everyone is endangered. Why else would I use my middle name instead of my first name, change my last name to your married name, and change my appearance?"

"And you're completely sure about the whole 'endangering' thing?"

Meaghan nodded. "Absolutely. I'm a target because I did really well in school, especially in Defense Against the Dark Arts and Charms and because of my bloodline."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, in the wizarding community, some people think that wizards or witches who aren't born into families that are wizards and witches and always have been, are inferior to those who are."

Daisy shook her head, "I don't get it."

"You don't have to, just know that I'm a target and I don't want anyone to get hurt because of me."

"So you are going to sacrifice your entire life and happiness for this guy?"

"Not just James, but my friends and their families too."

"I wasn't talking about the love of your life; I was referring to the evil guy. Are you really just going to lie down and let him do whatever it is that he's doing?"

"If it means the safety of my friends, then yes," whispered Meaghan.

Daisy sighed. "If that's what you think is best."

"It is." Meaghan said. "But I can't go out there again. I just can't. I can't say no to him if he asks me out, I'm just not strong enough."

Daisy could see that Meaghan was close to tears so she said, "Don't worry honey, I'll get Rosie to take that table. Just before you go, point out Prince Charming for me, ok?" she said the last part with a huge smile on her face and giggles threatening to explode.

Meaghan sighed. "I'll show him to you if you promise not to say anything to him or any of his friends, alright?"

Daisy nodded, afraid that if she opened her mouth excited giggles would escape.

Meaghan took her cousin's hand and led her to the door of the kitchen. The three young men had already been seated and had menus in their hands, but their faces could still be seen.

Daisy watched Meaghan's eyes land on the table of three. And then she squealed quietly. Meaghan pulled her back into the kitchen quickly.

As soon as the swinging door closed, Daisy said, "You were dating one of those three boys?! They are simply gorgeous! Well, the two dark-haired ones are hotter than hot, but that blonde kid looks a little plump."

Daisy would have gone on forever if Meaghan hadn't put her hand over Daisy's mouth.

"Now I am going to take my hand away, but you have to promise not to say anything," said Meaghan slowly.

Daisy nodded and was set free. Then she immediately opened her mouth to say something, but decided against it when Meaghan looked at her sternly.

"Ok, now you can talk," said Meaghan wearily as Daisy began to gesture with her hands.

"Which one of them is,"

"Was," corrected Meaghan.

"Was your boyfriend?"

"The dark haired one with glasses," replied Meaghan.

"Oh yes, I remember you telling me that he had glasses now," was the first of many sentences that Daisy said and the last one that Meaghan listened to before she zoned out.

------------------------------------FLASHBACK---------------------------------------------

Lily was standing on the edge of the lake a warm June day remembering all the wonderful things that had happened to her there, when from out of no where James came up behind her and spun her around to face him. Then he picked her up and twirled her in a circle.

"It's the last day of school!" he yelled happily as he finally put her down. "No more classes, no more homework, no more detentions!"

At first James didn't notice that his girlfriend's face didn't reflect his feelings. But then, when she didn't join him in the celebration, he looked at her and said, "What's wrong? This is supposed to be a happy occasion!"

"I know," said Lily quietly. "But I just can't get excited about it."

"Why not?" asked James as he sat down at the edge of the lake and motioned from Lily to sit next to him.

Lily did sit next to her boyfriend and put her head on his shoulder while he put a hand around her back and began to absently run his fingers through her hair.

"Because of everything we have to leave behind. Sure school was a ton of work and at times not fun, but Hogwarts has been a home to me for seven years."

"I know that it's hard to face changes, especially life-altering ones such as graduating from school, but it will be fun, I promise."

Lily looked up into the face of her beloved boyfriend and was comforted, but she was still sad over leaving Hogwarts.

"Look at it this way," said James when he noticed that a smile still didn't adorn the face he loved more than anything in the world. "This is just the ending to one chapter in our lives and the beginning of another. Just because we won't be here as students in September, doesn't mean that we can't visit. And besides we will always have our lovely memories. I mean really, how could you forget what went on here? I know that McGonagall will sigh with relief every day of every school year from now on because she doesn't have to deal with the immature antics of Sirius and myself, and that Slughorn will cry everyday because his beloved Miss Evans isn't here to make an example out of."

Lily was finally smiling now. "You forgot Filch and Peeves."

"Ah yes, Filch will spend an hour every day cursing the infamous name of the Marauders and twice on the days that he finds the surprises we left him. And Peeves will be so bored that he can't catch us out of bed at night or participate in our pranks that he will unscrew every chandelier in the school before the first of week of school is over."

"And I do believe that the little mysterious sparkle that Professor Dumbledore gets in his eye when he knows that you four did something especially creative that you can't be framed for, will be forever extinguished."

"Of course," said James.

"You forgot the depression that's going to settle over Gryffindor House when everyone realizes that two of their star chasers, one being their brilliant captain, and one beater all graduated. Oh the wailing that will ensue when McGonagall realizes that she is not guaranteed to stay in possession of the Quidditch Cup that she has become so fond of in the last six years."

James just laughed. "They'll be ok. I have faith in the remaining four players."

"So you promise that even if Slytherin wipes their butts in Quidditch that you will not tie up one of the new chasers and using a Polyjuice Potion substitute yourself into the game?"

James pretended to look shocked, "Why Lily! I would never do such a thing! But thanks for the idea anyways," he added with a grin.

"You Marauders aren't the only ones who can come up with pranks and plans you know."

James looked over at Lily doubtfully. "Maybe you can come up with them, but can you execute them?"

"What time is it?"

"12:08," answered James as he glanced at his watch. "Why?"

Ignoring his question, Lily looked at her own watch. After a moment she smiled and asked, "What?"

"Why did you ask the time and why did you then look at your own watch?"

"One, because I wanted to know what time it was and two because your watch is slow."

"It is not!" protested James.

"Is too," argued Lily back.

"Is not!"

"Is too!"

"Is not!"

"Look James, this could go on all day, but I have somewhere I have to be."

"Like where? We don't have any classes, we have no homework and we don't have anything to study for. Where could you possibly need to go?"

Lily grinning a sneaky little grin, "The front hall. I heard that Sirius was going to pull a stunt there at 12:20 and I don't want to miss it. He asked me to bring you along too."

James looked awestruck. "He planned a prank without me? Why would he do this to me? What have I done to deserve this?" James asked the sky as he let himself fall onto his back.

"I don't know, but maybe you are an essential part of this prank and you need to be surprised for it to work. All I know is that you are supposed to be in the front hall at 12:19 and now it is 12:16. So come on," said Lily as she got off of the ground and brushed herself off. Then she held a hand out to James to help him up, but instead got pulled down herself. She landed directly on top of James, just as he had planned.

"How about we just stay here instead?" asked James.

"As much as I would love to," said Lily looking deep into the hazel eyes she loved so much, "Remus made me swear on my Head Girl badge that I would get you to the appointed place at the appointed time."

"Remus is in on this too?" asked James as Lily rolled off of him and stood up again. This time he stood up also.

"I guess so," Lily shrugged.

"What about Peter?" asked James as they began to walk quickly back to school.

"I don't know. Now come on or you'll be late!" said Lily as she took off running, knowing that James would chase her.

She was right James chased her all the way to the front hall. Then she slowed down and checked her watch.

"Okay, it's 12:19, let's go in," said Lily.

James followed Lily into the strangely dark Entrance Hall. Little did he know that at that exact moment Sirius, Remus, and Peter were also being led unsuspecting, into the same place.

"Come on, over here," said Lily as she took James' hand and led him over to an extra shady corner of the hall.

"Now what?" asked James.

"Prongs, is that you?"

"Padfoot?"

"Yeah," while James was wondering what Sirius was doing hiding in the extremely dark corner of the hall, Lily slipped away, as did the other boys' companions.

"I'm here too!" squeaked Peter.

"What are we doing here?" asked Remus as he joined the little party and heard his friends' voices.

"I dunno, but I thought you were in on it Moony," said James.

"In on what?"

"I don't know, Lily didn't say."

While the boys were talking amongst themselves confusedly, Lily was casting charms on the four of them so that they wouldn't be able to move from their present spots. She also took their wands. Then she joined the rest of her friends in the Great Hall.

"Well, I don't care what's going on, I'm starving. Let's go to lunch and figure this out there," said Sirius.

"I agree," said James.

"Why can't I move my legs?" asked Peter.

"Beats me," said Remus. "But the spell shouldn't be too hard to reverse."

Simultaneously all four young men reached for their wands and realized that they didn't have them.

"Does anybody have a wand?" asked Peter.

The other three shook their heads, but as it was very dark no one could see that so Remus said, "I take it by our silence that we are all missing our wands?"

James said, "Seems like it."

"Now what? I'm hungry!" whined Sirius.

"We're all hungry," said Remus testily. "So just shut up while I try to figure this out!"

"What makes you think that you'll be the one to figure this out?" asked James angrily. "Who says that I couldn't figure it out?"

"Please Prongs, just give me some peace and quiet!" said the hungry and rather angry Remus.

James wasn't given the opportunity to retort because just then the four boys heard a massive explosion that seemed to come from the Great Hall. The boys were all too familiar with the sound to be afraid. It was merely the sound of large amounts of firecrackers going off all at once combined with several Fanged Boomarangs whizzing through the air and Peeves pelting everyone with rotten eggs. Don't ask how that sound was familiar, it just was.

Within one minute of the sound, what seemed to be the entire Great Hall, including teachers, emptied out into the Entrance Hall, which suddenly became light again. Then when everyone was least expecting it, great vats of oozing slug pus were dumped onto the students below. Following that was a shower of feathers. Over in their little corner, the four Marauders began to laugh hysterically because they were completely unharmed.

Everyone heard this laughter, especially Professor McGonagall who was waiting for it. She emerged from the crowd looking furious as she was covered in egg, pus and feathers. The Marauders immediately stopped laughing.

"You four!" spat McGonagall.

"We didn't do anything!" protested Sirius before he had even been accused of anything.

"Honestly Professor," said Remus. "We had no part in this. We've been stuck here for the last five minutes."

Peter piped up next, "Yeah! We can't even move our legs!" As he tried to show her his inability to walk, his legs moved. "Ummm… never mind?"

"Really Professor, a moment ago we couldn't move!" said James.

"Why not?" asked the Transfiguration teacher.

"I'm not sure, I think it was some kind of spell or charm that was placed on us," explained Remus.

"Then why didn't you use your wands to remove it? With the exception of Mr. Pettigrew you all were in the N.E.W.T. level Charms class."

"But we don't have our wands," protested James.

"Then what are those sticks at your feet?"

The four Marauders looked down and sure enough their wands were on the ground at their feet.

"Our wands?" said Peter hesitantly.

"Shut it Pete, that was a rhetorical question, she didn't want an answer," hissed Sirius.

"But they weren't there before!" said James.

"Please hand them to me," ordered Professor McGonagall.

Peter's eyes went wide. "Are you going to snap our wands in half?"

"No, not today. I am merely going to do a simple charm to see what the last spell was cast using your wands. If they had nothing to do with the prank then the four of you will be off the hook, but if it was you then there will be some serious consequences."

The boys grudgingly picked up their wands and handed them over.

Professor McGonagall checked each of the four boys' wands and found that each wand was used in some part of the prank. The Marauders were shocked.

"But we didn't do it!" said Remus.

"Yeah, for once we're completely innocent!" said Sirius.

"We were framed!" yelled James.

Nothing worked on the strict Professor.

"That's enough out of all of you! Seeing as you lot leave on the train in an hour and the House Cup was awarded last night, I don't have a punishment to give you, except that you will spend your remaining hour here cleaning up this mess without magic. And yes Mr. Black, that means that you will have to skip lunch. You know where the cleaning supplies are. You may have your wands back when I return to see that you are done." With that the teacher and the students all left the area, most likely to clean themselves up and to finish packing. No one really had much of an appetite anymore.

Then the four boys trudged over to the closet where the buckets and mops were kept and set to work.

After 45 minutes of silence which were spent in deep thought, James spoke, "If we didn't pull this than who did?"

"Slytherins obviously," said Sirius. "They just wanted to see us get framed."

"No, I don't think the Slytherins are clever enough to frame us for something this big," said Remus. "Maybe some Ravenclaws?"

"Yeah but why would they want to frame us?" asked Peter.

"To prove that they can?" asked Sirius.

"Well, we know one thing," said James.

"What?"

"Whoever did it is brilliant."

Everyone mumbled their agreement.

"Why thank you," said Lily as she walked down the staircase with four of her friends.

"We think that we're brilliant too," said Alice, one of Lily's closest friends.

"But we're still glad that someone else finally noticed," said Susan a Ravenclaw seventh-year that often hung out with Lily.

"It feels good to be finally recognized for our efforts," said Fiona another Gryffindor seventh-year and Lily's best friend.

"It feels even better to watch others get blamed for what we did," said the final member of the group, A Ravenclaw seventh-year named Anna.

The boys were shocked. The five brightest and most behaved witches of the whole school were implying that they had pulled off the prank.

"But it couldn't have been you," said Sirius finally.

"Why not?" asked Anna.

"Because we're girls?" asked Fiona bitterly.

"Or is it because we obey the rules?" asked Susan.

"Is it because we don't flaunt our abilities to do pranks?" asked Alice.

"I think it's because they believe that they are the only ones who can _execute_ anything," stated Lily.

The four boys just stared at them, open-mouthed while their arms moved the rags and mops on the same spots.

"Are you guys going to be ok?" asked Alice.

"I think that they are suffering from shock," said Anna.

"Maybe they are realizing that they have been framed for quite a few pranks that they were no part of," said Lily with a devious smile.

"You mean to say that you, you five, were responsible for the Chandelier Drop in fifth year?" asked Sirius.

The five nodded.

"We got a week of detentions from McGonagall for scaring her half to death and then we got another three days from Slughorn for making him faint!" said Sirius angrily.

"Yeah and that was on top of the two weeks we already had," said Peter.

"What about the Body Parts in the Breakfast scheme?" asked Remus.

"That one was easy," said Anna. "We just asked the house elves to sprinkle in a little bit of a special potion into all the breakfast dishes and we waved our wands and people saw body parts and other stuff in their cereal."

"You know where the kitchens are too?" asked James.

"Of course we do," said Susan. "Who doesn't know where the kitchens are? I think all of Ravenclaw House knows. It's like an initiation thing for first years. You get three clues and then you have to find them before Christmas break or else."

"Or else what?" asked Peter, wondering what kind of cruelty the bright Ravenclaws could come up with as punishment.

Anna shrugged. "I don't know. Everyone has always found them. Some people get close to the deadline, but if you weren't smart then you don't really belong in Ravenclaw, now do you?"

"But Lily, you and Fiona and Alice aren't in Ravenclaw, how do you know?" asked James.

"We helped them find it," answered Lily.

"And besides, if they weren't so stupidly brave, they would have been in Ravenclaw anyway, they all have top marks," said Anna.

"Are there any other pranks that you framed us for that we should know about?" asked Sirius.

"Tons of um," said Fiona. "But right now we are mighty hungry, so if you'll excuse us, we're off to the Great Hall to grab some sandwiches to eat on the train."

At the world sandwiches the boys all started to realize that they weren't just hungry, they were ravenous.

"Wait a minute," Sirius called after the girls. "Since we're doing your punishment, how about you bring us some food?"

"If you are too stupid to get caught, then you don't deserve food," said Fiona haughtily.

The boys sighed and continued working half-heartedly, thinking of food. Eventually they finished their task to McGonagall's satisfaction, but they had taken so long that they only had time to quickly gather their belongings and pack, something which they had put off until the last minute. Even with the use of magic, they only just made it into a carriage and onto the Hogwarts Express on time. There, they found the lovely lady prankster graduates, and took a seat with them. Luckily for them, the girls had been kind enough to bring sandwiches along for the boys as well.

Lily was woken out of her daydream by Daisy.

"What?" she asked blankly.

Daisy sighed. "Why don't you take the rest of the night off? You look really shaken."

"No, no, I'm fine," said Lily. At the skeptical look her cousin gave her, Lily, strengthened by her fond memories, added, "Really! If fact I think I'm okay to take their table now."

Without another word, Meaghan walked out of the kitchen and approached her former classmates.

"Back again boys?" she joked.

Sirius gave her a wide grin and said, "Yup. This is our new favorite Friday night hang-out!"

"Oh good," said Meaghan sarcastically. "I guess that that means I get the extreme pleasure of your company every week then?"

"For better or worse love," announced Sirius.

"I guess I'll just have to suffer through somehow," she said dramatically. "What can I get ya? You must have memorized the menu by now."

The boys placed their orders; James' request was a low mumble that Sirius had to interpret for their waitress.

As Meaghan was taking their menus, she got a clear look at James' face. Her heart nearly stopped when he looked her in the eye and she saw the anguish that was lying right below the surface of his eyes. That, coupled with his quiet demeanor, had her thoroughly frightened for him.

The rest of their meal passed quickly. To Lily's great relief, James never said a word to her directly. However, after the other two boys had walked out, Sirius doubled back and approached Meaghan.

"Can I help you?" she asked pleasantly.

"Not me, but my best mate," answered Sirius. "Please just go out with him. Just once. He is so miserable and he can't even work up the energy to ask you out, but I know he wants to. I think last time I brought it up he mentioned something about disrespecting his girlfriend. His girlfriend died, but he won't admit it. I think that if he went out with someone else it might help him come to terms with everything."

"Why me?" asked Meaghan. She couldn't quite bring herself to outright say 'no' to Sirius because his voice was so desperate and pleading, and she knew that she had to try to stop James' suffering somehow.

"Because, I think he likes you. I guess you remind him of his old girlfriend."

"So glad that I remind him of his dead girlfriend," muttered Meaghan. "I must bring up all sorts of good feelings in him."

"It's weird. Being here every week is probably tormenting him because he's so reminded of her, but yet, every week he insists on coming."

"Are you _sure_ he isn't crazy?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

"Okay," Meaghan breathed.

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll go out with him."

"Really?" asked Sirius brightly.

"Yeah, I guess."

"You're amazing!" said Sirius as he gave Meaghan a big hug and kissed her on the cheek. "He'll be here tomorrow night at seven!"

"Okay," said Meaghan, dazed.

Sirius departed soon after that, and Meaghan returned to work. For the rest of the night she walked around, took orders and served food mechanically. She couldn't believe it; she was dating her old boyfriend to help him get over her old self. What had she gotten herself into?

**A/N. Here it is! Chapter 3! It's been a while, but due to the reviews I got requesting me to update, I decided to do just that! I don't know when I'll be able to get around to writing the next one, but I'll do my best! Sorry about the long wait. Please read and review, or else I may never update!**


	4. Extra Friends

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all signs tell me that I never will.**

Meaghan was as busy as ever, after all it _was_ a Saturday night in London. Meg had already told Daisy that she was going to have to leave at seven for a date. Daisy was very excited for her, and tried to pretend that losing a server wouldn't make a huge difference that night, but Meg knew that without her, there was a lot of slack for the rest of the small staff to pick up.

That's the reason Meg was found at five of seven, not primping in front of a mirror, checking to make sure her hair looked all right, but instead distractedly whisking a stray lock of her hair behind her ear while trying to take the orders of three disgruntled, hard-of-hearing (a.k.a nearly deaf) old men.

While she was standing there, waiting for the decision of the last one of the trio, she saw him. James Potter was fiercely debating with Sirius Black right outside of the restaurant. She didn't know if she should be flattered that he apparently was not over Lily yet, six months later, or insulted that he did not want to go out with Meaghan.

Meaghan was not allowed to deliberate over this fact, because just at that moment, the crotchety man who would not allow her to go serve other customers while he took his time deciding what he wanted to eat, got her attention and then subsequently, ordered his meal.

Meaghan checked over near the entrance, James was not there. All at once her heart sunk much farther than she wanted it to go. With a disappointed face, she trudged into the kitchen, to give the chefs the next order.

When she stepped out of the kitchen, Meg did a double-take and saw that James was in fact, standing in the restaurant. It looked like Sirius had won out after all. In this moment of renewed happiness, Meaghan nearly dropped the drinks she was carrying. Luckily, Daisy was right near-by, close enough to stabilize the faltering serving tray.

Daisy smiled as she saw how stunned her little cousin was; she took the tray out of Meaghan's hands and pushed her gently to where James was standing.

Meaghan reacted quickly enough once she got a little push in the right direction. She walked up to James, who still seemed to tower at least seven inches over her, and said, "James, right?"

"Yeah, I'm James," he said.

"Can you wait for like two seconds, while I just go quickly to change? I've been working, as you can see," she gestured to her clothes.

"Sure," he said noncommittally.

She quickly sped off towards the back of the restaurant.

James sat down in one of the chairs near the podium and said lowly, "I swear Padfoot, if she's one of those girls who take an hour to get ready, I'm leaving."

A voice came from what appeared to be an empty chair, "Fine, she takes more than twenty minutes and you are as free as a hippogriff."

"I'm not sitting here for twenty minutes waiting for a girl you set me up with," protested James. "That's just pathetic."

"Face it Prongs," said Sirius. "Your life is pathetic. For Merlin's sakes, I had to come with you here to be sure you didn't stand the poor girl up."

"I don't want to go out with her," James whined.

"It's her or it's Candice Denton," Sirius' voice warned.

James shuddered. "Anyone is better than her; she's such a leech. She gives me the creeps."

"Yeah, she is kind of scary," mused Sirius. "But that's just how desperate the situation is right now."

"Fine, I'll go out with this one," muttered James.

Sirius smiled, though James couldn't see that, and said, "You'd think I was handing you over to death eaters by the way you're acting, not getting you a date with a hot chick."

James opened his mouth, seemingly to protest, but Sirius cut him off. "Don't even try to deny that she isn't gorgeous because I _will_ feed you to Candice."

James wasn't able to comment any further because just then Meaghan walked up to him.

Her brown hair was simply pulled back in a ponytail, and she was only wearing jeans and a blue top, but as Sirius had so eloquently put it, she looked very attractive.

James was slightly impressed; he glanced at his watch subtly and noticed that Meaghan had only taken three minutes to get ready.

"You ready?" he asked, not unkindly.

"Yeah," said Meaghan. Then she waved over her shoulder where she knew Daisy was watching. Then she grabbed her jacket, scarf and gloves off of a hook by the front door and the two left.

James and his lovely date made their way out of the restaurant in silence. Finally, when it became very obvious that he was not going to say anything, Meaghan spoke up, "Where do you want to go?"

"I don't care, whatever," said James dully, thinking that she was going to lead him to some frilly tea shop or a girly muggle movie that all of his previous muggle-born dates had dragged him to.

So James was once more pleasantly surprised when Meaghan led him by the hand through the crowded London streets and they arrived at a simple café.

"Where are we?" asked James as they stepped out of the frosty December weather.

Meaghan smiled and said, "This is my favorite coffee shop. I come here after work every once in a while to treat myself. They have the best scones here."

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Meaghan as she wove her way around the tables in the cramped coffee shop with James trailing behind her.

Eventually she reached the counter and the young man behind the register, seeming to recognize her said, "Hey Meg, it's not Wednesday yet is it?"

Meaghan laughed, a laugh which James noticed was very familiar, and said, "No Ned, it's not."

"Good! I thought I was losing my marbles!"

"The few you have left," joked Lily.

"Yeah, so what can I get you? The usual?"

"Hmmm, actually I think I'll spice it up a bit; you pick!"

Then Meaghan turned to James and said, "What do you want?"

He quietly placed his order and said something about grabbing a table. Meg replied that she would wait for their order and meet him at a table.

As Meg was waiting, Ned said to her, "Who's the guy?"

"I dunno really," said Meg bluntly. "But from what I've been told he's in a bit of a depression; his girlfriend died a few months ago."

"So what are you doing with him?"

"Just helping out."

"Ah, playing rebound girl."

"Yeah, I guess that sums it up."

"Hey Meg," said an older man, probably in his late fifties as he come out of the small kitchen. "Ashley says you brought an outsider in, a very cute outsider," he said with a wink.

"I never said he was cute!" yelled Ashley from the kitchen, where she was apparently hiding.

Lily, Ned and the other man laughed.

Then the girl called Ashley, who looked to be no more than sixteen, came back to the counter carrying a plate with two scones on it and said, "Dad, stop putting words in my mouth! Here you go Meg, two scones, hot out of the oven."

"Thanks Ash, my compliments to the baker," she complimented as she smelled the fresh scones.

After paying and juggling the two cups and the plate expertly, Meg reached the table right next to the window where James was sitting. She placed the food onto the small table and took a seat across from her companion.

When James, once again, made no effort to start up a conversation, Meg jumped in, "Who was she?"

"Who was who?"

"Your girlfriend, what was she like?" This was killing Lily inside, but if she was going to help James get over, well her, and be happy once more than she would do it.

"Who told you about her?" asked James rather viciously.

"Your friend, umm, Sean? No, uhhh, Seamus? Ummm…" said Meaghan, expertly playing dumb. "Your friend with the long black hair, a bit taller than you I think…"

"His name is Sirius," said James blandly.

"Yes! That's it, Sirius. I can't believe I couldn't remember it; it's such an odd name, you would think I would remember. I can't imagine what his parents were thinking."

"His whole family is pretty odd," said James. Then once more turning rather angry, he demanded, "What did he tell you?"

"Not much," said Meaghan, almost scared of the angry tone James was using. "Just that you hadn't quite gotten over her and he wanted me to see if I could help."

"I'm outta here," said James as he rose sharply. "I don't need this. I don't want to forget her, and I don't want to move on!"

"She must have been pretty outstanding," said Meaghan softly as James passed her as he was walking out.

He stopped in his tracks, "What?"

Meaghan turned around in her seat to look at him. "How old are you James?"

"Eighteen," he replied subconsciously.

"You are the only eighteen year old guy I have ever met that has pined after his girlfriend this much," Meaghan made one last attempt at getting James to move on in as few words as possible. "Shouldn't you have moved on already? But no, you are still mourning her; she must've really been something. I think I would have liked to have met her, the woman that stole your heart and refuses to give it back."

During Meg's little monologue, James walked back to his chair and slowly sank into it.

"She was, she was, amazing, I guess is one way to describe her, though it really doesn't do her justice. Brilliant is a better term I think, maybe spectacular."

"What was her name?" asked Meg when James stopped talking.

"Lily, Lily Meaghan Evans, though she was anything but a helpless, defenseless flower like her namesake. If anything she was a rose, with thorns the size of the Thames," James smiled as he gazed out of the window at the street, basking in his memories.

"She was a tough one?" asked Meaghan, eager to keep James talking. She thought that if James got all of his feelings out, then he could walk out of that café and she would never see him again; he would find some beautiful blonde and settle down and marry her instead of carrying a torch for someone who wouldn't ever come back, _who couldn't come back_, Meaghan mentally reminded herself.

"Was she ever; she had the temper of a red-head, which she was. She didn't take crap from anyone; you knocked her down, she would push you down, pull you up and push you down again."

"Sounds like she perfected her methods," commented Meaghan.

James was still staring out at the not-so-busy London street. Then he turned to Meg, who was innocently sipping her mint tea, playing her role well. "She had to deal with a lot of shit, probably more than she ever let on; she was tough that way too. People at school didn't like her because of her, well, her family and background. They got pretty nasty about it too; so she had to 'roll with the punches' as she put it. And roll she did, she basically had to do somersaults every day."

"So did you play her macho knight-in-shining armor?"

"Once, just once."

"What happened?"

"She told me not to ever do it again in no uncertain terms. Basically, she yelled at me for a good five minutes straight, and after that…"

"You snogged her senseless?" offered Meaghan.

"How did you know?" asked James with a curious grin.

"You had that look on your face. The one that clearly said, 'I just realized that I was about to discuss snogging a very attractive woman in front of someone I hardly know and who could never compare.'"

"I never knew that my face could provide such a long emotion; that was probably the most complex look it has ever boasted," said James flirtatiously.

Meaghan, startled that he was kind of flirting with her, turned the conversation back to a comfortable topic that just so happened to boost her ego and reminded her of who she once was.

"Did you love her?"

"More than anything, still do in fact."

"But, she's gone."

James looked Meaghan straight in the eye, and for a minute she thought he could see right through her.

"That doesn't mean I have to stop loving her. I think I'll love her until the day I die."

"That seems like a long time to love someone who doesn't love you back," Meaghan said.

James eyebrows shot up, "What do you mean she doesn't love me?" The angry tone was back.

Meaghan tried to compose herself, she didn't want James to think that Lily didn't love him anymore, just that she thought he should move on. "Well, I'm sure that she still loves you no matter where she is, but it's just that, you can't feel it anymore. You can't hold her or kiss her or even talk to her anymore."

"Believe me, I know that! And it hurts, it really does, but I have to have faith that one day she'll come back, and when she does I don't want to be caught up with some other girl."

"Your friend said you had this problem."

"What problem?"

"Admitting she died."

James started fiddling with his napkin on the table and quietly said, "That's because I don't think she died. In the fire that killed her parents and destroyed her house, her body was never found."

"Were her parents'?"

"What was left," said James sadly. "I had only met them once. Her dad didn't really like me, her mom wasn't too fond of me either, and her sister hated me."

"Off night, Sir Charms-a-lot?"

"I could save face and say yes, but it's not like I have much of my pride to save with you. Here I am on a date blurting out all this stuff about my missing girlfriend; I'm surprised you haven't left yet."

"Were you trying to get rid of me?"

"No," said James as hazel eyes met the gaze of chocolate brown ones. For a second he thought he saw green ones sparkling before him, but it was only a flash in time before the brown ones were back.

"That's why I haven't left yet," said Meg kindly. Then she continued, "I figure that your friends are probably tired of hearing you mope around and I guess you need someone to talk to, so, feel free to talk to me."

James then began to chuckle and chuckle until it turned into a full blown hardy laugh. Eventually he calmed himself down, not before taking a look at Meaghan's confused and embarrassed face. "I haven't laughed that hard in a long time."

"I fail to see the funny side of all this," said Meaghan stiffly.

"It's just that you're so on the mark it's amazing," said James trying to consol her. "I hadn't noticed it before, but now I realize that they are tired of me and my moaning. I just find it funny that I'm spilling my soul to you and I didn't even have the courage to ask you out myself."

Meaghan shrugged, unsure of what to say next.

James grinned at her, a smile that Lily noticed was only a quarter of the self-confident grin that she had grown to love. "I feel that I owe you something," he said at last and then when Meg started to protest, he shook his head and said, "No, let me get this off of my chest too. I didn't want to go out with you. My best mate followed me all the way to the restaurant to make sure I actually went. I haven't wanted to spend any time with women since Lily disappeared, but I found tonight that I actually enjoyed myself. I'm sorry if I've been a kill joy, but you must understand, I love Lily with all my being and somewhere in my being I feel like I'm betraying her."

"I think," said Meaghan slowly. "That we should just be friends. But, not because I think you are disrespecting your M.I.A. girlfriend; I think just as unprepared for a relationship as you are, I'm worse."

James looked at her questioningly.

She shrugged in response.

"Come on, you've been privy to so many of my secrets," said James teasingly. "I think you deserve to let off a little steam to a near stranger as well. I would recommend it; its highly therapeutic."

Meg smiled wanly. "It's a long story and it's getting late. Come on, let's go for a walk."

Meaghan and James gathered and donned their winter apparel and made for the door.

As she left, Meg called over her should, "See you Wednesday everybody!"

The trio behind the counter said their good-byes in between serving the few customers that had wandered in to get something hot to combat the cold of the streets.

James dug his hands into his pockets as he numbly followed behind Meaghan as she walked the no longer extremely crowded streets confidently. He searched the depths of his mind for something to start a conversation with; so far he had not instituted a single successful conversation. Now he started to feel a little guilty, never had he treated one of his dates, even if she had bluntly said they were just friends, this poorly; he was sure that if his mother could see him now, she would be appalled.

Finally James ventured, "So, you know all about Lily, but know nothing about me and I know nothing about you."

"What do you propose to remedy the situation?" asked Meg as she glanced over her shoulder to look at James.

James quickened his stride and once he was standing right next to Meg, said, "Well, how about you ask me a question and I'll answer it and then we can switch."

Both parties were scared about the questions that could be asked, but neither was willing to show that they held such dark secrets.

"I'll go first," said James as Meg nodded in her head in assent. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen," answered Meaghan. Then she searched to find a question that would not betray her identity. "Do you have any siblings?"

"Nope, I'm an only child. Though my best friend Sirius is like a brother to me. When he ran away from home a few years ago, he came to live at my house. My parents nearly adopted him at that point. What about you? Any brothers or sisters?"

Meaghan didn't know what to say exactly. In a split second, she decided upon telling him a version of the truth. "I have one older sister; her name is Ann. She's two years older than I am and we don't get along very well."

"Why not?"

"Hey," joked Meaghan. "Isn't it my turn to ask a question?"

"Yes, and now it's my turn! You just wasted your question. Why don't you and your sister get along?"

Meaghan sighed. "We just took different paths I guess. We wanted different things and eventually we just stopped trying to walk in the other's shoes. Are you at a university?"

Meaghan knew this question was going to throw James for a loop, but she also knew that he was a capable liar and would be able to maintain his cover. She also knew that it would maintain her cover as an innocent, unassuming muggle.

True to his nature, James only stumbled for a moment until he found the words to spin his web, "Sort of, I'm in an academy to train to be a police officer. What about you? Are you in school?"

"No," said Meaghan a little bitterly. It had been a few months since she had shed tears for her lost dream, but it still stung. "What did you want to be when you grew up when you were little?"

"A police officer," said James. "Like my dad. Why aren't you in school?"

"I don't have enough money," said Meaghan. It was partially true. Because of her deceased status, Lily didn't get any inheritance money from her parents, and what little money Daisy got from her aunt and uncle was used to buy Lily some clothes. Daisy had no other money to spare her, not that Lily would have been able to go to either a magical or a muggle school. In the magical world she would quickly be discovered and she hadn't taken any classes in the muggle world since she was ten.

"That's a shame," said James with as much sympathy as an extremely wealthy person could have for someone with a lack of money. "What would you have gone to school for if you could have?"

"Strangely enough, I would have been a police officer," said Meaghan in a code that only she understood completely. "What is your favorite type of candy?"

"Chocolate frogs," replied James without thinking.

Meaghan, ever on her guard laughed and said skeptically, "Chocolate frogs? Where would you get those? You'll have to get me one sometime."

"One of my friend's parents is a candy store owner and her favorite animal as a kid was a frog, so for her birthday one year he made her a special batch of her favorite chocolate in a frog mold. It was a huge hit at her party, so he started to sell them in his store. They're really good."

"Again, you'll have to get me one some time, I've never had a frog-shaped chocolate before. I think the closest I've ever gotten was the box of Christmas chocolates that my parents used to buy me every year. On the square chocolates there were Christmas characters engraved."

"What's your favorite kind of chocolate?"

"White chocolate," said Meaghan smile.

"I'm a dark chocolate kind of guy myself, the darker the better in my opinion."

"It's better for you, lots of antioxidants and stuff."

"Huh?"

"In dark chocolate, it's actually kind of healthy for you; there's a lot of antioxidants in it."

"What about white chocolate?"

"It's horrible for you; it's technically not even real chocolate."

"How do you know this much about chocolate?" asked James as he realized, as every good auror should, that this was not the same path he had taken before.

"My ex-boyfriend was something of a geek; he knew stuff like that."

"Is that why you broke up with him?" asked James as his guard relaxed; how could he even think that Meaghan was a death eater?

"No, he broke up with me."

"I can't imagine why," said James as took a side-glance at Meaghan.

Meaghan took a shuddering breath, "He was a soldier. Four months ago, he was sent overseas. Two and a half months ago, I received a letter. It told me that he was cheating on me."

"Who ratted him out?"

"He did. He wrote it himself."

James stopped walking and Meaghan stopped with him. "You mean to tell me that some guy wrote a letter to you telling you that he was cheating on you, something you would have never found out about?"

"The girl was pregnant," said Meaghan coolly. "He married her. He wrote that in the letter too."

"You're still not over him," James stated.

Meaghan, ever the actress, responded, "No more than you are over Lily."

"We make quite a pair then," said James as he comfortably slid his arm around Lily's shoulders. "I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship."

"I could use an extra friend," said Meaghan thoughtfully.

"We all need extra friends; sometimes they seem to be in short supply," he said darkly, thinking of how many people had been taken away by the awful war that was devastating the wizarding world.

"Yeah like when your boyfriend decides to cheat on you," said Meaghan.

"Or your girlfriend disappears without a trace," added James.

Meaghan laughed. James was once more struck with an odd sense of familiarity, but dismissed it at once. He would have remembered meeting someone like Meaghan; she seemed unforgettable… just like Lily.

**A/N. Would you look at that?! I actually wrote a chapter in under five months! Amazing! And I owe it all to you guys, my reviewers! Seriously, if I didn't get such a great response to the last chapter, I probably would've waited another couple of months to write this, but you guys came through, so here it is! The moral of the story- you keep reviewing and I'll keep giving you something to review!**


	5. A Death and Ambition

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all signs tell me that I never will.**

"Master," said an unnamed man in a black robe and mask. He appeared before his master and bowed before him, as was protocol in the ranks of the Death Eaters. "I have some news for you."

"Rise," said Voldemort in a very smooth tone as he twirled his wand in his fingers. "Now tell me what news you bring."

"It's about the Potter brat," replied the man snootily.

"Ah, yes, the junior thorn in my side," mused Lord Voldemort. "Tell me, is he still lusting after the mudblood?"

"Yes sire," said the Death Eater joyfully. "He still refuses to believe she is dead. He puts every effort into finding her."

"Good… very good. The longer he suffers, the better. And then, when his suffering can't possibly get any worse, I'll end it."

"But my Lord, he is very well protected… Dumbledore himself watches over the boy."

"And is that supposed to impede me should I want to kill him?" asked Voldemort scathingly as he turned his full attention and wrath on the man before him.

"No-n-no-n-no, of course not my Lord!" cowered the loyal, though not very bright, servant.

"Doesn't my power exceed that of the old fool?"

"No-yes-yes-y-y-yes!" said the man trying to recover after giving the standard negative response.

"Since you seem to be in doubt," said the Dark Lord, pausing to give an evil smirk for effect. "I'll just have to demonstrate. Avada Kedavra! No one doubts me twice."

The man's body immediately crumpled to the floor. Voldemort stared at the corpse and laughed both victoriously and cruelly.

"Malfoy!" the evil man then bellowed.

"Yes my Lord?" asked Malfoy who walked into the chamber, referred to as the throne room or torture room depending on whom you asked, and bowed, only a moment after he was summoned.

"I have a task for you."

"Anything Master."

"Good. You complete this task satisfactorily and there will be rewards for your service… however, if you fail me…" he gestured to the dead body.

"Yes my Lord," gulped the young man.

"You will gather all the information you can on James Potter. You will report back to me in two weeks, and then I will judge you depending on the quality of your report."

"Of course Master," said young Lucius, trying to be brave but failing.

Voldemort was able to smell fear from a mile away; he was also able to sense it when it was five feet in front of him. He laughed at the fear that was radiating off of his ambitious newly initiated servant. "Go now Malfoy. Call someone in to get rid of this failure on the floor."

"Yes Master, of course my Lord," said Malfoy as he bowed out of the room.

Voldemort chuckled again at the expense of Lucius. Then he barked out some orders as the newest member of the organization was hustled in to do the dirty work of removing and disposing of the dead body.

**A/N. Here's a really short chapter for you guys! Thanks for all of the reviews! I promise I'll write more soon, but this was all I could come up with for now! And I wanted it to be it's own chapter anyways. Don't forget to review!**


	6. A Surprise Guest

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all signs tell me that I never will.**

Wednesday night couldn't have come any slower for Lily. As she handed out a couple of menus to a couple having a late lunch, she made the analogy that it was like being submitted to double History of Magic Class on a Friday afternoon right before Christmas break.

Meaghan then walked back into the kitchen since the Blue-eyed Daisy was nearly empty, and sat down on a stool near the back door. Then, as she was apt to do as of late, Meaghan just stared out into space.

"Lily," James had whispered into her ear as they stood together under a half-full moon on the shore of the lake at Hogwarts.

"Yeah?" she had whispered back as she held onto him tighter.

"I think I'll love you forever," he had said slowly.

"James?" she had said.

"Yeah," he had said as he gulped, whether from the closeness or from fear of her answer, Lily never did realize.

"I feel the same way," she had said slowly directly into his ear. She had smiled as she felt him shiver slightly.

"Daydreaming again Meagy?" asked Mike with a laugh as he startled Meaghan out of her dreams and off of her seat.

"Don't do that to me Mike!" said Meaghan defiantly from her position on the floor.

"Ah come on Meagy, it was a perfect opportunity! I had to take it!" he replied as he extended his hand to her.

"Yeah, yeah," said Meaghan good-naturedly. "Take it all out on me since Crazy Daisy would probably bite your head off at this point!"

Mike cautiously looked over his shoulder to make sure that said pregnant wife of his was not standing right behind him in a room full of knives. "You have no idea," he said quietly and exasperatedly.

"Be a man Mike! You only have a month to go now and then you get a little bundle of joy to wake you up at midnight… scream all day long… soil his or her diaper at least ten times a day, which you will of course have to change…"

"You are an evil, evil woman!" joked Mike. "Just wait until you're married and pregnant! Then we'll see who is laughing!"

"By that time you'll be so busy keeping track of six or seven children and spoiling twenty or so grandchildren, you'll have no time to hassle me," said Meaghan trying to cover up her fears of a relationship.

"That's not what Daisy tells me," he said devilishly as he and Meaghan took seats on chairs in the small office of the restaurant.

"Oh so she's forgiven you for getting her pregnant already?"

"It takes two to tango. But we're not talking about me anymore, what about you? Daisy says that you've been going out with this one guy at least twice a week for the last two months. So I've come to wonder, who is this guy? I mean really, you don't date anyone for six months and then all of a sudden you're a dating fiend!"

Meaghan inclined her head slightly to acknowledge his statement, but didn't give him any information.

"Come on Meagy-beagy! Daisy made me promise to interrogate you since she wasn't getting anywhere!"

"I had wondered where she had disappeared to," said Meaghan thoughtfully. "I haven't seen her in quite some time. I would imagine she's going through the apartment to try and find some incriminating evidence."

"You are on the ball, Meagy."

"I think you're chicken is ready," said Meaghan as she heard the timer in the kitchen ring.

As soon as Mike had departed, Meaghan slumped into her chair and rubbed her face tiredly. _What was she doing? How had she gotten herself in so deep?_

The rest of the day just seemed to float by, well for some people it did. For others, like Meaghan, who kept checking her watch every five minutes, the day could not have passed any slower. Lily again was reminded of that horrid History class with Professor Binns before Christmas holidays only two years ago. As she reflected, Meaghan was shocked to realize how happy she had been two Christmases ago compared to the more recent holiday.

Instead

of dwelling upon her past unhappiness, Lily focused her energy on looking forward to the evening. As usual, Wednesdays were the day that Meaghan didn't have to work late, and, as usual, she was going out. But unlike what was usual only two months ago, she was going out with someone. That someone of course was none other than James Potter. To distract herself, as she often had a need to do, Meaghan thought back to that Friday right after her "date" with James.

Meaghan almost audibly gasped as she saw not three, but _four_ Marauders tramp into the Blue-eyed Daisy that Friday evening. However, she had trained herself to draw as little attention to herself as possible over the last six months, so she kept it in.

After ducking into the kitchen at the next possible moment, Meaghan calmed herself down and plastered the familiar waitress smile on her face.

"Hey boys, back again?" she said cheerfully thinking to herself that she deserved an Academy Award for her brilliant acting. Seriously, how could they have not caught on by now? Only Remus had noticed that beneath different hair, eyes, face and voice, Meaghan Haeden was Lillian Evans.

"How could we stay away?" asked Sirius with his typical cheeky grin.

Meaghan, lost for a retort, just smiled and said, "And what will it be for you gents this lovely Friday night?"

The boys ordered; James actually spoke in a voice decipherable to human ears, though it wasn't incredibly loud or cheery, and Remus gave his order in a slightly standoffish tone. Peter had lost most of his stutter that came when he addressed new girls, and Sirius' voice had lost none of its swagger. They were becoming comfortable in the restaurant, a regular fixture; Meaghan, however, was still on her guard.

She acted towards her former classmates no differently than she treated all of her other customers, or so she thought. No one except Daisy noticed that her smile, whether forced or genuine, she couldn't really tell, was bigger when she was serving the four teenagers; her laugh was easier and more common, and service was just a little bit faster.

"So, Meg," said Sirius as the young waitress expertly unloaded her tray of entrees. "May I call you Meg?"

"Sure, go right ahead," replied Meaghan easily.

"Alright, Meg, now we were wondering, what do you want for Christmas?"

"A pony," she replied sarcastically.

"No really," said Sirius. "The guys and I figure that you've put up with our antics for a couple of weeks now… and Christmas is only a few days away…"

"How about a magic wand then?"

"That's not too hard to get," said Peter. "Only a few galleons over at Olliv…"

Peter's sentence was cut short when Remus, or James, who were both sitting across from him in the booth, stepped on his foot.

"What was that?" asked Meaghan innocently.

"Nothing," said James quickly. "Pete here has a low alcohol tolerance; the beer must be messing with his mind already."

"I have a friend like that," said Meaghan. "Passes out after like four shots of whiskey, the poor guy."

"Yup, Pete here is just like that," said Sirius with a meaningful glance at Peter.

"Enjoy your meal," said Meaghan as she walked away, feeling more than one set of eyes on her back.

As Meaghan returned to check on the guys, Sirius said, "So, Meg, you never answered my question. What do you want for Christmas?"

"Remember the whole magic wand thing?"

"I need a satisfactory answer," Sirius persevered.

"I would just answer him if I were you," said James quietly. "He's very stubborn."

"Alright," Meaghan conceded. "I really want… nothing. I honestly can't think of a thing. But if Pete over there thinks he can hook me up with a magic wand, that would definitely be on my wish list."

Peter only looked sheepishly at the waitress, and said, "Everyone knows that magic doesn't exist! That was just a joke… a really bad one I guess. I'm funnier sober I promise!"

"I bet," said Meaghan. "So do you guys need anything while I'm here?"

"Nope," said the boys in unison.

"Great," smiled Meaghan. "I'll be back later then."

As promised, Meaghan returned to the table and handed over the check. Then she left without any further chat because she was summoned by a near-by table. One thing led to another, so, by the time she had a free moment, the little group had left.

As always, there was a hefty tip for her on the table. But, the money wasn't alone; next to the check and the money was an envelope. A small smile graced Meaghan's face as she picked up the envelope slowly. Then she quickly put it into her apron; she wanted to save it for later.

The rest of her shift passed more slowly than she could have imagined, but she made really good money since everyone was in the holiday spirit and feeling rather generous, so she couldn't exactly complain.

Finally, she trudged up the back stairs to her apartment after closing up with Mike and Daisy. For the first Friday in a while, she turned on the light, after all, this week she had a reason. Light flooded the apartment, and Meaghan jumped back in surprise, her wand out in an instant.

**A/N. Thanks for all of the reviews guys! I know the last chapter was really short, and this one is hardly better, but that's how I'm able to get them out so fast! The next one will probably come out soon as well. Please keep up the reviews!**


	7. Bitter Tears

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all signs tell me that I never will.**

A curse was halfway out of her mouth, when the mysterious character in her apartment chose to reveal himself.

"Expecting other company were we?" the young man asked coolly as he eyed Lily's wand.

Choosing to ignore his comment, Lily lowered her wand and said, "What are you doing here Remus?"

"Wondering what the hell you're doing screwing around with my best mate!" shouted Remus as Lily closed her front door behind her.

Meaghan sighed and said, "How about some tea?"

"I don't want any damn tea! I want answers! What in the name of Merlin are you doing?!"

"I don't know Remus, I really don't. I feel like two different people sometimes… and the time that Sirius begged me to go out with James… well, Lily answered."

"And now what? James really likes Meaghan and he's in love with Lily! Don't you see a problem with that?!"

"Of course I see a problem with that!" snapped Lily. "I'm the one who has to live that problem! That problem is my life!"

Remus began to cool down as he heard Lily's sharp tone and realized that she wasn't intentionally playing around with James' heart. "So what is your plan?" he asked as he ran a hand through his hair, a trait that all four Marauders shared and exhibited while under stress.

"Ha!" scoffed Meaghan. "There is no plan! I don't even know who I am anymore. Sometimes I want to go back to being Lily… being a witch; training to be an auror… being with the man I love…"

"So why don't you?" Remus interrupted gently. "No one is stopping you except for you."

Lily sighed and rubbed her face tiredly. "We've been over this. I'm not about to endanger my friends or my remaining family. If I have to play the part of a muggle forever, then so be it."

"Did you ever stop to think about how your decisions, the decisions that you make for other people, don't just affect you? James had been going nuts trying to find you! Fiona and Alice cried themselves sick for days. We all miss you terribly Lily. You're a talented witch, the Ministry needs you."

"Just stop it! I know all that! But at least you're all safe; that's what matters most."

"You flatter yourself Lily by thinking that just because Voldemort thinks you're dead he won't come after us. You aren't the only one he's targeting. You may be muggle-born, and a brilliant witch, but Sirius is a traitor to his family; James is the son of some of the most well-known opponents of Voldemort's movement; I'm a bloody werewolf; Alice and Fiona are both pureblood aurors for the Ministry. No one is safe Lily… we've all made choices that put us in danger… we're all in danger because of who we are. There is nothing that you can do to protect us."

Meaghan was so conflicted; she hated backing down on any of her decisions or beliefs. Finally, she came to a conclusion, "Then you obviously don't need the added danger of being my friend. Lily's dead and she's not coming back if I can help it."

"Lily, I don't get it!"

"You don't have to," Meaghan interrupted softly. "You just have to accept it."

"I don't want to," said Remus with a hint of desperation in his voice.

"Look Remus, you've been like an older brother to me for years now, but I'm a big girl, I can make my own decisions and I will live with the consequences."

"Is there anything I can do to change your mind?"

"I can't think of a thing," said Meaghan, not letting Remus know how close he had come to convincing Lily to go back with him.

"Well I can," said Remus with the traditional Marauder glint in his eyes.

Remus took up the invisibility cloak from a hook near the door and put it around himself.

"So that's how you got in," Lily mused as she joined him.

"That and I knew the charms that you put on your door," said her long-time friend.

"I'll have to change them," said Lily in a tone that she didn't even recognize.

"Hold on," Remus commanded.

Lily grabbed his arm and closed her eyes as they apparated away. When she had opened her eyes she realized that she was outside of James' apartment, the one that he shared with Sirius and Remus. She had only been there once, but she knew that this was where they were. She watched Remus step out from under the cloak and take off the various charms on the front door and then they went inside; Lily was still under the cloak because she had inferred that Remus wanted her to see, but not to be seen.

"Hey Moony, where have you been?" asked James quietly as he walked into the living room where Remus and Meaghan were.

"I just had an errand to run, last minute shopping."

"For me I hope," said Sirius as he sauntered into the room.

"What happens if I say no?" Remus asked the perky Marauder.

"Then I'll prank you into the next century!"

"He'll just prank you back," said James sullenly as he quashed whatever happiness was in the room.

Remus threw a look towards the hidden Meaghan, which luckily escaped the notice of either of his roommates.

"So Prongsie," began Sirius lightly. "What did you write in the Christmas card we left for the lovely Miss Meggie?"

"None of your business Padfoot," said James gruffly.

Sirius, not to be deterred, turned to Remus and said, "I bet he asked her out again!"

"Again? I thought he didn't ask her out the first time," Remus pointed out.

"Well, he didn't, I did."

"We're just friends," said James defensively.

"Sure you are," said Sirius tauntingly.

"We are!"

"Friends don't stare at friends like you stare at Meaghan," Sirius continued. "And don't you think I didn't recognize that stare…"

"What was that?!" asked James harshly as he bounded off of the couch he had been reclining on and got right up in Sirius' face. "What were you going to say?!"

Not to be intimidated, though he really was actually quaking in his boots, Sirius looked his best mate in the eye and said evenly, "That's the same way you used to stare at Lily when she was alive."

"She's not dead!" James shouted in frustration.

"Yes she is!" Sirius shouted back with equal ferocity.

"Padfoot, I would know if she died; it would feel different. I think she's still out there somewhere, and I'm going to find her."

"Then what are you doing with Meaghan?" asked Remus.

"I don't know," he admitted honestly. "I feel really attracted to her too, but we're only friends. Her boyfriend cheated on her and left her not to long ago, so she's not looking for a relationship anymore than I am."

Remus threw another hard look at the place that he assumed Meaghan was. "So what did you write in the card you insisted on leaving?"

"Nothing that concerns any of you!" yelled James as he retreated to his bedroom.

"I'm worried about him Moony," Sirius admitted.

"Yeah, me too."

"I thought that seeing that girl from the restaurant would convince him to call off the Lily hunt. You don't really believe that she's alive do you?" he continued when Remus didn't comment.

Remus pondered the thought for a moment and then said, "No, I agree with you. If Lily hasn't come back by now, then she isn't coming back. I think I need a bit of fresh air; I'll be back in a minute or two."

Sirius nodded and walked into the kitchen to do some thinking of his own, over a nice slice of chocolate cake of course.

Remus let himself out and then waited for the sound of a swishing cloak to cross the threshold before he closed the door.

Meaghan pulled the cloak off of her body slowly and when she looked at Remus, he realized that she had been crying. "What would convince James that Lily is dead?"

"Come take a walk with me," said Remus sadly. This was not how he had hoped things would go.

"Okay," sniffed Lily as she placed a warming charm on herself in anticipation of going out into the chilly December air.

"Why won't you just come back?"

"We've been through this."

"But now you've seen him; he's dying inside."

"Which is why I want to convince him that Lily's dead."

"And how is that going to help him more than letting Lily come back?"

Staring straight ahead, Meaghan replied, "As you said, if she hasn't come back by now, she isn't going to."

Silence descended upon the lone pair on the street.

"If he found her body," said Remus suddenly.

"What?"

"If James found her dead body, he would have to believe she was dead."

"So you'll help me?"

"No," said Remus coldly. "I'm just telling you that is what it would take to convince him."

"Oh."

"Please don't do that," said Remus. "Honestly, I would fear for his life. The only thing that gets him up in the morning is the hope that today will be the day that he'll find Lily."

"Okay," said Meaghan with another sniff. "I won't do anything to convince him Lily's dead as long as you don't tell him where she is."

"Lily," began Remus.

"No I mean it Remus. I would deny it if anyone asked, and I used muggle means to change most of my appearance, and the rest of it is Charms work I did myself, so there's no chance that he or anyone else could try to prove my identity by reversing spells. Then you just would have given him false hope and I would hate to think it, but wouldn't that be as bad as giving him closure?"

"You're impossible Lily!"

"Glad to know that my stubbornness has stayed with me, even if my bravery hasn't. Good-bye Remus."

And with that, she disapparated.

"Merry Christmas Lily," Remus exhaled, watching the white cloud of mist billow in the air around his mouth.

When Meaghan reached her apartment, she quickly got out her old Charms books and cast every protection and locking spell on her front door that she could find, and some that she made up on the spot. After that, she slowly sank to the ground and cried bitterly.

As she was sitting there, Meaghan felt something poke her through her apron. She sat up a little more and retrieved the item from her apron pocket. It was the little white envelope she had picked up off of the Marauder's table.

She quickly ran her finger under the tab, breaking the seal. Then she breathed deeply and pulled the card out of the envelope. It was a standard Christmas card with a beautiful winter scene on the cover. Then she opened it and gasped as more tears ran down her already wet cheeks.

**A/N. Finally a longer chapter! Wow… three chapters in three days! I hope you guys don't expect this all the time… I just had some extra time this weekend to write. It's unlikely that I'll be able to update again until next weekend… though we shall see how much I'm able to write. Thanks for all the reviews! They really get me going!**


	8. A Stalker in the Window

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter and all signs tell me that I never will.**

Lily quickly ran her finger under the tab, breaking the seal. Then she breathed deeply and pulled the card out of the envelope. It was a standard Christmas card with a beautiful winter scene on the cover. Then she opened it and gasped as more tears ran down her already wet cheeks.

She couldn't believe it; as she opened the card, bills pored out into her lap. She quickly counted it up and realized that there was over two hundred pounds there. If she hadn't known that James could have given her ten times that amount without a second glance, she would have felt badly about accepting so much.

After she had piled the bills and put them to her side, she opened the card once more and read the messages inside.

_Thanks for putting up with us; we know we're not the easiest guys in the world to get along with! – The sexiest, best, most awesome, coolest, most suave, handsomest guy you ever have or ever will meet, the one and only, Sirius Black_

_Happy Christmas! – Peter Pettigrew_

_Meg, I hope that you have a wonderful Christmas. You deserve it; you seem like you always do what is right, and you seem totally selfless. I'm glad that I met you! – Remus Lupin_

_Meaghan, I don't think that I can thank you enough for what you've done for me. In just one day, I went from being depressed to slightly less depressed. You did in a few hours what no one has been able to do for me in months. If I thought that you believed in cheesy pick-up lines I would say something like, 'someone should call heaven because an angel is missing.' However, I know that you're not that kind of girl, so I wouldn't say that to you since I have recently begun valuing my life (also because of you), yup I admit it, im scared of what you would do to me if I said something like that to you. Now here is just a token of my appreciation (that sounded really stiff and wrong…too bad I already wrote it…); I would have gotten you the stars, but London's all out (that wasn't a pick-up line either- for the record). Now the guys are getting really suspicious and I have taken up the entire blank side of the card, so this is where it must end. I hope to see you again soon! Happy Holidays. - James. _

Through her tears, Lily laughed. The note was so much like James, the James she knew. It had truly scared her down to her core when she was talking to James on their 'date;' he was just so disheartened. She was glad that he was on the road to recovery now.

So, Meaghan sat on the floor of her apartment and let the last of her tears fall. Then, as always, she picked herself up, dusted herself off and continued on with her life.

Christmas came and went; Meaghan spent it with Daisy and Mike and his family. It was okay… nothing really special… not like Lily's Christmases.

The Friday after Christmas, before New Years', the Marauders once again came around to the Blue-eyed Daisy. There were a lot of laughs, something that always accompanied the presence of the four young men. Meaghan liked waiting on them; it broke up the monotony of her life.

After the quartet left, this time not until closing time, Meaghan was putting up the chairs on the table. Mike and Daisy had finished up cleaning the kitchen and Meaghan offered to finish the rest herself so that they could go home and get some rest, an offer which they readily accepted. So Meaghan was all alone, or so she thought.

Well, when one is alone, one usually does things one wishes to do but would be too embarrassed to do in front of an audience. Meaghan was no exception. As she put up the chairs and wiped everything down with a wet rag, she hummed show tunes and danced around.

Little did she know that she did have an audience; James Potter smirked from the shadows where he had been standing for the past few minutes. He had gone with his best mates when they left, but as soon as they had reached an alley and apparated away, he had doubled back. James just stood up against the wall where he could get a good view of the restaurants interior through the big glass window.

He couldn't help it; staring at Meaghan like this could easily be considered stalker behavior and James knew it, but he didn't care. He was a moth and she was his flame. He hadn't felt this attracted to someone since he had seen Lily Evans on Platform 9 ¾ on the September first that started fifth year. But, as soon as his thoughts began traveling down that path, James stopped them. He didn't want to remember the day when he had realized that the little girl with red hair in two braids wasn't a little girl anymore and he didn't want to prank her, he wanted to kiss her.

He quickly tried to divert his attention; the memories were just too painful for him still. The only things that he found could distract him for any length of time, was the lively girl on the other side of the wall. She was singing and dancing as she worked; James was smitten. No matter what he had said to her the other night, he wanted her as more than a friend.

James knew that he was sick, not physically, but mentally. He had been so totally in love with Lily that he had never let his mind think that she would someday not be there. Then when he received the news, through the Daily Prophet of all things, that she had died, he was completely devastated. James couldn't even remember most of the things that had happened that first week; he was basically just a living body. He didn't respond to anything.

But since James had met Meaghan, the world hadn't seemed so dark. When he felt himself spiraling into depression over Lily, he would just recall some of the funny conversation topics from his outing with Meg, (for example: What is the weirdest thing you would eat on a pizza?), and then he wouldn't feel quite so bad. It was like she was a ray of sunshine for him.

Once James noticed that Meg was finishing up, he decided that it was now or never. He approached the front door, looked over his shoulders and up and down the street, and then he took out his wand and murmured an unlocking spell on the door. He was just walking in, ringing the tiny bell above the door, when Meaghan whirled on him, wand in hand. She looked like she was in the middle of enchanting the broom to sweep the room itself.

"You're- you're not a muggle?" spluttered James as soon as he recovered his voice.

"Neither are you," said Meaghan trying to be shocked as she gestured to the wand that was only half-way into James' pocket.

"But- but- but," stammered James.

"What?" asked Meaghan confusedly.

"How can you not be a muggle? You knew everything! You didn't slip up once! I had no idea! I've been trained to know when people are lying and I still couldn't tell that you were lying to me! How did you do it? I even re-read the notes my friend took in Muggle Studies class at school! I just don't get it," ranted James as he paced up and down the front of the restaurant.

"I didn't lie to you," said Meaghan quietly after James' rambles had quieted. "At least not more than I had to. I am a muggle-born witch; like I told you, I grew up in the United States and went to school there until I was fourteen. I just happened to leave out that it was a magical school. After that, my parents both died in a car crash. My older sister and I were sent here to live with our cousin Daisy, who owns this place. We didn't have enough money for me to go to Hogwarts, so I didn't. I should have graduated last June," Meaghan lied expertly.

"Instead I work here," she gestured widely with her hands. "Doomed to never live out my dream and become an auror a.k.a. police officer."

"I still don't get it," said James slowly.

Meg shrugged noncommittally. "Who says that you have to? Forget it; I can go back to being an innocent muggle if you want. I really haven't been in contact with the wizarding world for years, and as you said, I play the part pretty well."

"No, no," said James as he continued his pacing shaking his head.

"Why are you so bothered?"

"Why couldn't I tell that you weren't telling me the whole truth?"

"Maybe you just weren't looking for me to be lying," said Lily growing impatient with James' continued questioning and rather nervous about where their conversation would go. "You weren't on your guard."

"I suppose so," James conceded.

"So did you come here for a reason, or just to watch me do magic that only merits a fourth-year's education?"

"Ummm," said James nervously as he ran his fingers through his hair. "I actually wanted to know, well I wanted to know, this is a lot different now that I know that you're a witch…"

"Partially," Meaghan interjected.

"Partially a witch," James amended. "Well… do you want to go out with me to this party for New Year's? It's not anything really fancy… just wear like jeans. That's what I'm doing."

Meaghan's face looked skeptical, but in the end, her inner Lily won out and she said, "Sure, I'd love to."

James' face brightened up in a way it hadn't since he had last since Lily.

"Cool, I'll pick you up New Year's Eve at seven?"

"Yeah, meet me here. I'll see you then."

"Okay," said James as he shoved his hands in his pocket and walked out. "See you then."

As he walked out, James was still pondering how Meg had gotten so many untruths past him. She had made up an entire life for herself as a muggle, and now she had just told him another story about her life as a witch. James was suspicious for a moment, and then he deduced that she couldn't possibly be a death eater. Although the bells that went off in his head when someone was lying obviously didn't work around her, he was sure that he would know if she was a death eater. _Besides_, he told himself. _She would have attacked me by now if she was going to. Unless of course, she was just looking to gain his trust and betray him…_

James was so disturbed by his thoughts that, like the well-trained auror he was, he practiced constant vigilance and went back to the restaurant to do some recon work. He wanted to trust Meaghan, but you couldn't trust anyone these days.

James watched for a while as Meaghan went about finishing the rest of her chores. He noted that this time she was manually sweeping the floor. Finally, his insecurities were thrust aside when she rolled up the sleeves of her shirt, probably because she was getting hot from sweeping, and her forearms were unblemished, no Dark Mark.

James smiled to himself and went off whistling in the night. He couldn't wait for New Year's Eve, and even if she was a death eater, she would be surrounded by the entire auror department.

Every year his parents held a New Year's Eve ball at their mansion for the auror department, which James' father, Christopher, like his father before him, had been part of since he graduated from Hogwarts. Also, every year there was a theme. The previous year the costumes were pajamas. Yup, the best of the brightest wizards and witches in Britain were dressed in their pajamas at one of the biggest social events of the year. Luckily, this year, the dress code was to dress as muggles. James had suggested it; his parents weren't sure why, but they would soon find out.

**A/N. I appreciate all the reviews guys! Keep it up and I will keep writing this story!**


	9. Gryffindor Courage

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter copyrights, nor ever will.**

"Meg, love, you look simply smashing tonight! You put even the stars to shame!" sang Sirius as he walked up to the newly arrived couple, his third champagne glass in hand.

Remus and Peter were not too far behind. Because Meaghan looked to be rather short on words at Sirius' outburst, Peter, loosened up by the amount of firewhiskey he had unknowingly consumed in the past five minutes, said, "Don't mind ol' Sirius! He's just something you'll have to get used to as James' girlfriend! Don't worry! Everyone always warms up to him eventually! No one ever thought Lily would, and she was fine after a couple of weeks!"

The small group fell silent as Lily was mentioned; all five sought some new conversation that would dissolve the awkward silence.

Finally, Sirius said, "And just how much firewhiskey have you had already Pete?! Look, you're already starting to wobble! I had better get him to a secure location before there is a repeat of last year."

As Sirius and a very confused Peter made their way across the Potters' enormous ballroom, Lily, hoping to further improve the situation asked James, "What happened last year?"

A smile leapt onto James' face which had only a moment before been clouded by grief and regret. "Last year was the first year my mum would let us have any alcohol because we were all finally of age. Needless to say, we all got a bit carried away."

"Though it wasn't the first time," Remus amended without the grin that usually came with the telling of this particular holiday story. "Sirius and James were always sneaking firewhiskey into school and getting 'a bit carried away.'"

"Oh and I suppose you were perfectly innocent in school?" asked Lily with a little more harshness than was required.

Remus quirked an eyebrow at Meaghan's tone, but replied evenly nonetheless, "I behaved myself far more than this bloke."

As the conversation abruptly ended, Remus excused himself under the pretense of checking up on Sirius and Peter.

James, trying to dismiss the obvious hostility between his "friend" and his best mate, said quickly, "Hey, Meaghan, why don't you come and meet my parents. They're really excited to meet you."

"Also known as, t'hey have no idea who I am or the fact that I would be here at all, but will pretend to know me and just play along as if this were all part of the plan, all the while planning on cornering you later."

James smiled and then said, "No, I told them I was bringing a friend, and they are very interested to meet you."

'I bet,' Lily thought bitterly though Meaghan's face only showed a small smile. 'They just want to see who replaced me in their son's life.'

Lily and the Potters had gotten along well since their first meeting. Even before she and James were dating and she was just visiting after Christmas as a friend, his parents had taken a liking to her; then when James wrote home a three word letter that read, "She said yes!", they couldn't have been happier.

Lily's parents liked James as well; they had never gotten a chance to meet his parents, but Lily was sure that they would have all gotten along and become very close.

As James led Meaghan through the crowds to where his parents stood, chatting happily with important people of all professions, Lily prayed that James' parents would be as susceptible to her disguising charms as their son was.

"Mum, dad," said James as soon as the people the Potters were talking to excused themselves. "I'd like you to meet my friend, Meaghan Haeden."

"Hello, Meaghan," said Sarah Potter kindly. "James has told us so much about you."

"He talks a great deal about you as well," replied Meg politely.

"So what do you do Meaghan?" asked Michael Potter a bit gruffly.

"Regrettably, right now I'm not doing much of anything. Just a bit of waitressing to pay the bills. I wasn't able to finish school because of financial difficulties, so I'm working on my own to catch up a bit. Hopefully I'll be able to take my N.E.WT.s this May and be qualified for a real job."

"And what would you like to do?"

"I'd like to be an auror sir," said Lily firmly.

"You sound very set in your ways dear," said Sarah. "But it's a very dangerous job."

"It's not for the faint-hearted," added Michael. "Or anyone less than obsessed."

"Believe me, I am obsessed. I have wanted nothing more than to catch dark wizards for a very long time."

Michael Potter nodded his head. The trail was over; he approved of Meaghan. Then he met his son's eyes and nodded again.

At this sign of approval, James said, "We're going to be off then. I'm sure we'll see you later."

"Have a fun time dear," said his mother.

"Make sure Peter doesn't get into the firewhiskey," said his father.

"Will do mum and too late dad."

The rest of the party flew by for Lily. She chatted politely with people she had met before but had never met Meg before, danced with all four Marauders, even the very tipsy Peter, and had an overall fabulous time.

Around three, the guests started to trickle out. And that's when the screams started.

At the time, Sirius and Meaghan were dancing. Instantly the cries of pain rose to volumes much greater than the music. Everyone froze in their motions and silence reigned.

"What is that?" whispered Meg, although she knew the answer.

"Death Eaters," Sirius deadpanned as he reached for his wand. "Stay here."

"Like hell I will," Lily responded as she pulled her wand out of her pocket.

Sirius was shocked by this discovery. First, he didn't expect the friendly and sweet waitress to refuse to go run and hide and second he was very surprised to see a wand in her hands.

Sirius was so shocked in fact that he didn't actually begin moving until Lily swept by him and called to him. "Let's go kick some ass!"

At Lily's loud statement, the whole room started buzzing. The many aurors present made their way to the doors while the less equipped individuals retreated to the back of the room.

Somewhere in the back of her mind, Lily registered the voice of Michael Potter commanding the troops, but she was lost in the adrenaline rush. She didn't care of their was an organized plan of attack; all she cared about was getting out into the fray and stopping families from being torn apart like hers was. She wanted to cause the people who represented her own torment to feel pain. Lily was like a starved lioness released upon a herd of wildebeests.

As soon as Lily made her way out of the mansion, she could hear each and every shriek of the tortured guests. That and the smell of blood, almost made her turn back, but she was able to gather her Gryffindor courage and march fiercely onto what had become a battlefield.

Lily threw her first curse to the nearest robbed death eater and then she was off like wildfire. Behind her, aurors swarmed out of the entrance and diffused across the grounds according to the hastily assembled plan of action.

It almost looked like the aurors were winning, when a fresh wave of black robbed creatures cascaded onto the Potter estate, and among them, riding along on the crest of the swell, was Lord Voldemort himself, the only one without a mask because his face brought more fear than any mask could. It's a common saying that the unknown is more frightening that the known, but not when it came to you-know-who.

Lily briefly looked up as she heard the sounds of battle die sharply. The sound of hexes and curses being shouted out and people yelling, was suddenly absent from the air as if it was never there at all. Even the wounded had stopped their cries for water, death and their mothers.

There was Voldemort, the man who murdered her parents before her very eyes. Oh, it was on. Lily's attention snapped back to the cloaked figures before her and she quickly finished them off before they could finish her. Then she stared along with the rest of the congregation.

Everyone was waiting with baited breath for Voldemort's move, and Lily could see that Voldemort was enjoying every ounce of fear that was radiating off of the wizards and witches garbed in muggle dress. She could see the same fiendish pleasure dance across his face as when he was torturing her parents.

Finally, Voldemort laughed and all hell broke loose. The Death Eaters cheered and began fighting with a renewed vigor; some of the more cowardly people tried to flee back inside and were easily picked out and killed before they crossed the threshold.

If Lily had been in her right mind, she would have been terrified. Meek little Meaghan had been afraid since the first scream cut through the night air; luckily, Lily, the bold, abrasive side, took over by shoving Meaghan in a closet and locking the door, not that Meg was complaining.

As Lily took in her surroundings, she realized that it was very plausible, in fact probable, she would never live to see more than three hours of the new year. 'Well,' she thought to herself. 'I cheated death once, it's unlikely that I would be allowed to do it twice.'

Then Lily did the stupidest and more heroic thing in her young life. She battled her way through the death eaters, knocking them out as she went until she emerged from the heat of the battle and stood only a few meters from where Lord Voldemort was watching the battle with a perverse grin upon his sharp features.

As Lily stopped, Voldemort turned his attention to her.

"My, my, my, what do we have here?" he said cruelly with sarcasm saturating his words. "It looks like a little mudblood got lost. Afraid of battle? Of death?"

"No," said Lily coldly.

"You should be."

"I am no more scared of death than I am of you, which, let me remind you, is not at all."

"Impudent filthy little mudblood! I know who you are! I've been watching you; you're the latest fancy of the blood-traitor James Potter. Yes, my spies have told me exactly who you are; though they neglected to inform me that you had any magical powers," he said eyeing the wand that was grasped firmly in her hand.

"I like to keep my secrets secret."

"Let's see how well you can keep your **pain** secret! Crucio!"

Lily tried to erect a shield to protect herself, but the curse just ripped through it and hit her with full force. Pain beyond imagining exploded through Lily's mind; her mind was having a hard time registering it all.

Finally, the curse was lifted and Lily was shocked to realize that the roar in her ears had been the sound of her own screams.

Gingerly, she grabbed her wand from the ground where it had slipped out of her grasp and got up. She once again stood firmly in front of Voldemort. Somehow she remained unafraid.

"Ah, a fighter! Well, now isn't it my lucky day. All too often my victims give up and just blubber for mercy after the first curse."

Voldemort never got to finish his tirade because he was suddenly hit with a curse that sent him flying backwards. Hastily he gathered himself up; fury was evident in his eyes.

"So the little mudblood thinks she knows magic! Deal with this!"

And so the duel began. Curses and hexes such as no one had seen before went flying between the two contenders. Unfortunately, Lily was tiring quickly and running out of curses to try and penetrate her opponent's shields. Then, help arrived in the form of Albus Dumbledore.

Albus had attended the party, but left early to keep an eye on his students. Luckily, someone inside Potter mansion had had enough sense to contact him and inform him that Voldemort's attack had been planned for the Potters' annual party, not the children of Hogwarts.

But before the only real opposition to Voldemort could reach Lily's side, she was hit with a curse and fell to the ground. Shock was evident on her features. She watched dumbly as her wand rolled out of her limp hand. Then she looked up once more to see Voldemort disapparating.

After that, Lily closed her eyes and concentrated on the sounds of the battle occurring behind her. Slowly, the sounds of hexes and curses faded and the moans and cries of the wounded took their place. Finally satisfied that the battle had been won by the light side, probably due to the efforts of her former headmaster, Lily succumbed to the darkness that was clouding her mind. She let go of the struggle and drifted off to nothingness. Lily Evans knew no more.


	10. Not So Well

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter copyrights, nor ever will.**

"Arggg," moaned James as he slowly woke up to a throbbing pain in his head. When he finally opened his eyes, he saw his good friend Remus just folding up the latest issue of the Daily Prophet and putting it on the bedside table. "Where am I?"

"St. Mungo's of course," said Remus, trying to be cheerful.

Suddenly all of the events that had taken place New Year's Eve and Day came flooding back to James. He groaned again.

"Update?" asked James in typical Marauder fashion.

"Do you want me to be blunt or respect your feelings?" asked Remus tiredly.

"Might as well be blunt about it."

"Okay then, according to the Daily Prophet, only a handful of people died. According to Dumbledore and Moody, the exact number is thirty-two. Another forty-five were injured; thirty-six have already been released."

"And the other nine?" asked James fearfully.

"Well, most were in your position and in a curse-induced coma. You are among the last few to wake up."

"How many days has it been?"

"Four."

"How are the ones who haven't woken up yet? Anyone we know?"

Remus gulped and looked down at the floor.

"Remus," said James urgently as he sat up in bed, ignoring the pain that shot through his body at the sudden movement. "Who is it?"

"Well, Sirius just recently woke up- two days ago I believe. He's dying to see you, but they wouldn't let him in until you had woken up. I think he was due to be discharged an hour ago. Let me just go find him," said Remus hastily as he made his way to the door.

"Please, Moony. Just tell me who it is; it's better than not knowing. You know what an active imagination I have."

Remus sighed and reluctantly sank back into the chair that had been pulled up by James' bedside.

"Your mother."

"My mum?" asked James uncertainly. Then as a shock ran through his system, he asked, "Where's my dad?"

"I'm so sorry James, but… he… he…"

"He didn't make it, did he?"

Remus shook his head slowly, unable to say the words that would make the death of a man he admired official.

"You should be proud of him though; he was protecting your mum. She had fallen and he risked himself to defend her. He passed in the way he would have liked best; fighting for something he believed in, protecting someone he loved. He died as any man could only wish for."

By the time Remus had pored out his own take on the death of Michael Potter, both he and James had tears streaming down their faces.

"And how is my mum?"

"Things are actually looking up," said Remus as evenly as he could. "She should be waking any time now; the healers are very hopeful."

"Where is she?" asked James quietly.

"I'll take you to her," said Remus, completely ignoring the fact that he knew James was supposed to stay in bed and rest.

Remus led James down a few hallways and then to Sarah Potter's room. James smiled at his friend and then made his way into the room alone.

James went and sat by his mother's bedside, absently grabbing her hand and stroking it.

"Hi mum," he said quietly when he couldn't bear the silence that was so rare around his lively mom. "Things have gotten really messed up since school ended. I wish I was back at Hogwarts. It was so safe there; I had no idea what the real world was like. I want to go back to being seventeen- even if it means taking my N.E.W.T.s again. I would even do Binn's boring essays without complain.

"But, no, I know I'm stuck out here; out in the real world where there is pain, and _death._ It's not fair mom! Why do all the people who don't deserve it die! First there was Lily, who had so much to live for. I was going to marry her one day mom. What I wouldn't give just to see her again!

"And now dad's gone. Remus says that we should be proud of him. I am proud of him; I just wish he was still here. I can't imagine life without him. It hurts so much. It's not fair! He didn't deserve to die! He was supposed to be there when I got married and to hold his first grandchild! I hate this! Why is this happening?"

After his last outburst, James was spent. He slowly sank back in his chair, still holding his mom's cold hand. For hours, he sat there, just staring blankly at the wall in front of him. People came in out, visitors for the other occupants of the room, and healers to make routine check-ups and to try and goad him back to his own room. James ignored them all and refused to be taken anywhere.

Suddenly, James heard his name being called. He quickly woke up, though he had never realized that he had fallen asleep.

"James, honey, wake up," came the soft voice.

James was startled to see his mom's soft hazel eyes looking back at him with a smile on her face.

"Mum! You're awake!"

"Yes dear," said Sarah with a laugh. "You always were an observant lad."

Then suddenly, James' happiness deflated. He knew that he had to tell his mother about his dad; and he knew that he had to tell her now.

"Mom," he began uncertainly.

"Yes?" asked his mom, her brow furrowed. She could tell that there was something bothering her son.

"Dad… dad…," James gulped. The air became very heavy and hot and all of a sudden James found that he was having trouble breathing. So, he just hung his head and let the tears flow.

Even though James hadn't really told her anything, Sarah was able to glean his meaning. She held her arms out to James, just as she had when he was little. Together they cried for the man they had lost.

A while later a very forceful healer came by and booted James out of his mom's hospital room so that she could run some tests and give out some medication. So that's how Sirius Black found James wandering the halls of St. Mungo's, looking terribly lost and alone.

"Hey mate," said Sirius quietly. "I'm really sorry to hear about your dad; you know how much he meant to me."

"Yeah Sirius, I know," said James in return as Sirius gave him a comforting hug.

"Where are you off to now?"

"Dunno."

"Visiting?"

"Who's here to visit?"

"I don't know actually," said Sirius as he scratched his head. "People have been checked in and out of here so fast I have trouble keeping up with it all."

"Let's go find Moony; it seems like he is keeping up with the news."

"That's Moony for yah!"

Then the two men set off to find their friend. By the time they found Remus in the tea room, things had gotten much better between them; Sirius had cracked corny jokes until James finally smiled and began laughing again.

"So Moony, what are our afternoon visiting obligations?" said Sirius gallantly swung a chair around and sat on it backwards. "Old girlfriends perhaps? Importante people that we should impress? Old Defense Against the Dark Arts professors? Merlin knows we've had loads of those."

Remus put a napkin into his book to mark his page and snapped it shut.

"Hey, where's Wormtail?" asked James suddenly.

"He's fine," sniffed Sirius. "He got the cushy job of holding down the fort at your house. He's probably got the house elves serving him on silver platters."

Then suddenly a thought hit James right in his gut. "Moony, where's Meaghan?"

Sirius had also forgotten about the meek brunette and turned to Remus for the answer.

Remus sighed. Why was he always the bringer of bad news? "She's not doing too well."

"What do you mean?" asked James gruffly.

"What's 'not-too-well'?" asked Sirius at the same time.

"Let's put it this way, how well do you think someone can do after dueling you-know-who?"

"She did what?" bellowed James.

"What's up you guys?" asked Frank Longbottom, a friend of the three Marauders. "James, mate, you sound like someone stole your cat or something what's up?"

"Did you hear about that girl who took on you-know-who?" asked Remus calmly.

"Yeah, everyone has heard about her. Lately the reports say she's not all that well. But, seriously, what did she expect? Taking on you-know-who is stupid and foolhardy. No one in their right mind would do it! You'd have to be suicidal!"

"Frank!" yelled Sirius, finally getting the young auror, who was wired on several cups of coffee.

"What?"

"That suicidal foolhardy girl is our pal James' girlfriend."

"Oops," said Frank as his whole face reddened. "Sorry 'bout that James. Really, I didn't mean what I said- I've already had far too much coffee and no sleep, so I'm a little crazy right now!"

James just waved him off, caught up in his own little world.

Right next to him, the others talked about Lily's courageous stunt.

"So who is she?" asked Frank. "Mungo's wouldn't release a name and the press couldn't get a hold of anyone who knew her name. Lots of people saw her though, described her as medium height, skinny as a rail, with longish brown hair. I can't really think of anyone that fits that description. Though, maybe it was just because it was dark. Maybe she really has black hair. I know lots of skinny girls with black hair. Well really only one… maybe two…"

"Frank!" yelled Sirius again as he rubbed his temples. "Give it a rest man!"

"Sorry Sirius," said Frank sheepishly. "It's just that…"

"Yes we know that you have had a lot of caffeine and no sleep!" said Sirius.

Changing the subject, Remus said, "Well, she's James' girlfriend…"

"Not my girlfriend," mumbled James.

"What was that?"

"She's not my girlfriend; we're just friends."

"That's not what Witch Weekly says," teased Frank.

"What is Witch Weekly saying? Please, Frank, enlighten us!" said James in a sarcastic tone that caffeine-high Frank failed to notice.

"Alice showed me the article. It goes on for two whole pages. Got a bunch of pictures in there as well… one of the two of you kissing at midnight… a lot of it was just talking about how glad everyone was that you had finally given up your Lily chase.

"They were a bunch of quotations taken from people. It's funny though… people don't know who she is at all. The reporters went around asking questions all night and no one knew who she was or where she came from. People were a bit confused because she seemed to know who _they_ were. One lady even said that the mysterious brunette asked about her cat's health. What was surprising was that the woman did have a cat that had been sick something like six or seven months ago."

"How very odd," said Remus with an strange tone in his voice.

Then all of a sudden, James sprang up from his seat, knocking his chair over and bumping the table so that Remus' tea sloshed all over the place. Then he just left the room without a word.

"He's going to try and find her," stated Sirius.

"He's not going to get in," said Remus blandly.

"How do you know?"

"I already tried."

"Why?"

"Can you guys keep a secret?"

Frank nodded energetically and Sirius appeared to be in thought for a moment, but then he leaned forward to hear what Remus was about to say.

"Meaghan is not quite who you think she is…"


	11. Do You Love Her?

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter copyrights, nor ever will.**

"What!" bellowed Sirius directly after Remus' revealing monologue.

Frank who had been shocked into silence for a moment, was revived by Sirius' shout and immediately jumped up jerkily and said, "I gotta tell Alice; she was devastated when we all thought Lily died. They were- are- best friends! Oh Alice is going to be so excited! This is such great news! I can't wait to tell everyone!"

"Calm down lover boy," said Sirius as he pulled Frank back down. "You'll just have to wait a few more minutes to see your beloved Alice because I sense that there is more to this story than Remus is letting on."

At the insistence of Sirius' sharp penetrating glance, Remus continued. "Lily's parents were killed by you-know-who; I think that's why she went after him. And now, well the healers don't think she's going to make it. It seems that she was hit by a very dark curse in the last few seconds of their duel. No one can figure out what curse it is, not even Dumbledore, who was called in as soon as they got her here. Everyone is surprised that she has lived as long as she has."

"Damn it!" cursed Sirius softly but angrily as he pounded his fist on the table. "James is going to go jump off a bloody bridge! He can't lose Lily again!"

"Wait! Does he know it's Lily?" asked Frank.

"No," said Remus softly. "She was using disguising charms and was hiding out in muggle London. We are the only people who know her true identity. Not even Dumbledore knows.

"But, I heard some talk when I was trying to get in to see her; the charms she put on herself have slowly been wearing off. From what I gather no one has been able to recognize her yet, but I think they soon will. Especially if Dumbledore gets called back in- he'll know it's her now."

"What do we do?" asked Frank, who had calmly down remarkably.

"She's not going to live?" asked Sirius as he rubbed his face tiredly.

"Probably not."

"Then we don't tell James, or anyone."

"But what if someone recognizes her?"

"We can cross that bridge when we come to it; right now, I'm just concerned for James' sanity if Lily, the real Lily, dies. We can handle Meg's death, but James is still recovering from the attack, though he won't admit it, and coupled with his dad's death and his mom being hurt- I don't think he could handle Lily's return and then death."

Suddenly Alice popped into the hospital tea room. "Hello boys," she said cheerily. Then when she looked closer she asked, "What are you three up to? You look as if you're plotting."

"Now Alice, us plotting? That's ridiculous," said Sirius, quickly trying to cover his fatigue and worry.

"No, I know that look Sirius Black. It's that look that appears and then soon after, something happens to Fiona, or a Slytherin, or me or Lil… or someone else," Alice quickly covered.

Frank looked imploringly at Sirius and Remus. It was obvious that Alice was still grieving for the loss of her friend. They both shook their heads slightly. They liked Alice, but she was very excitable and they didn't want her going around spreading the news of Lily's return.

"Honestly honey," said Frank. "We aren't planning anything. How could we? This is a hospital; there's no one to prank and nothing to prank them with. We're all just tired and were reliving some of the Marauders' finer moments back at school to stay awake and lighten up the mood a little."

Alice relaxed and said, "I understand that. There was so much damage done the other night. I just saw James speeding through the halls. The poor thing looked a wreak. What with his father gone and his mum still here, I don't blame him."

"Umm," agreed Sirius sullenly.

"So are you done with getting info for the report?" Frank asked his girlfriend.

"Yeah, I just finished getting all of the statistics and the details like names and ages. The staff here was all in a tizzy. This is the first time I have been able to get anything out of them. They are just now organizing things; now that they have less patients that need immediate care, they have time to do that," Alice explained.

"Well, then why don't we leave. Moody said that once you were done, we could leave for the night. I've already made sure my sister got home safely and she's pretty much back to normal now, finally, so we're done here. Come on, I'll take you home," said Frank.

"How sweet," Alice commented with a lovesick smile at her gallant boyfriend. "Bye boys! Give my best to James and Mrs. Potter."

"We will," promised Remus.

As Sirius watched Frank and Alice walk out of the room hand-in-hand, he was strongly reminded of all the times he had watched James go off with Lily like that. Sirius could almost see the huge grin that always spread across his best mate's face whenever he held Lily's hand or kissed her spontaneously in the hallways. That's what Sirius wanted for James; not the agonizing dead look that had lain on James' face from the moment he had gotten the news until he had entered Auror training three weeks later. Only then was the emotionless, gaunt look replaced by hard determination; James was going to find Lily and if he didn't, he was going to avenge her death.

"How long do you think he'll last until he tells Alice," Sirius asked Remus quietly.

"Well, Alice can be pretty persuasive… I'd guess… three minutes."

"So, about the time it'll take them to get to the lobby."

"Yeah, I'd say that would be about right," said Remus casually.

"I wouldn't want to be Frank right about now," Sirius stated.

"Nope. He's probably getting the third degree right now."

"How did you know?" Sirius asked, abruptly changing the subject.

Remus, trying to pretend to be oblivious, said, "Well, Alice used to wheedle things out of Frank all the time back at school… that's why we never told him anything… not that we told him all that much since he was a year ahead of us… would've made a damn good Marauder though. He always was good at thinking on his feet and his notorious clumsiness always made it seem unlikely that he could pull off any stunt at all; though it seems that he's grow out of his awkwardness, or at least harnessed it so that he can move around without tripping over himself."

Finally, Sirius had had enough of Remus' fake stupidity that had turned into a monologue similar to one of Frank's. "Remus! Please! Shut up! And stop avoiding the question you know I'm asking!"

Deciding that there wasn't too much harm in letting Sirius in on another of his secrets, Remus said, "Well, Lily and I used to patrol together when we were prefects and I got to know her quite a bit. We would always come up with the most random things to talk about. One of the things she mentioned quite a bit was about her cousin's restaurant, the Blue-Eyed Daisy. She told me where it was, and we even went there during one of the vacations once.

"Also, Lily was always fascinated by charms, as you well know. One of her favorite kinds is disguising charms. She practiced them constantly and got quite good at them. Sometimes she would use them to sneak up on me right before patrols, or in the library. She transfigured her features often; I think she used it as an escape when life got too much; you know when the Slytherins were giving her crap, or she felt overburdened by homework and tests. Like you and James when you go flying to get away from it all.

"Well anyways, like James, I didn't totally believe that Lily was dead. It just seemed too surreal. It took me a while to remember the Blue-Eyed Daisy, but then we went there, and I recognized most of the staff from when I had visited with Lily, and then I saw a new girl, our waitress. The more I looked at her the more I saw one of Lily's favorite disguises; then when she used her middle name, I knew it was Lily."

"Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"I thought she would at first. She asked me to stay away from the restaurant and from her, so I did. I only assumed that she wanted to talk to you by herself. Then as the weeks went by, I realized that she wasn't going to. Then, James fell in love with her. I talked to her again; she swore that if I breathed a word about her real identity, she would deny it and thus break James' heart again. So, I retreated, and here we are today."

"Do you love her Remus?" asked Sirius slowly and carefully.

"I've asked myself that a great many times and I think ultimately, I have decided that I do love her, but only as a best friend, a sister perhaps. There's no spark of attraction between us, but I love spending time with her and I love her personality. But, I have heard James go on and on and on about Lily…"

"Who hasn't?" asked Sirius rhetorically.

"And his feelings were far different from mine," continued Remus as if he had not been interrupted. "He wanted to be more than friends with her, and friendship is all I have ever wanted with her. He saw her in a different light than I did."

"The way that you talk about her and the way James talk about her makes me think that I have been missing out on something."

"I think you have."

"If by some grace of Merlin, Lily lives through this, I think I'll make a greater effort to get to know her, not just as James' girlfriend, but as my own friend."

"Your life will be all the richer for it," said Remus seriously. He valued his friendship with Lily above a great many things and was very hurt when it had dissolved over the past months because of their differing opinions.

"I think we should go find Prongs," said Sirius after a moment of silent contemplation.

"I agree," said Remus as he lifted himself out of the chair and picked his book off of the table.

The two Marauders walked out to find their friend who was probably still roaming the halls of St. Mungo's, lost and disheartened.

Or so they thought. In actuality, James had just finished visiting his mother, who was now taking a nap. He was quite in his right mind since he had taken some much needed potions and had been given a few healing spells. Now, James was slowly sauntering the hallways of Mungo's as if he had all the time in the world.

James was broken out of his not so pleasant reverie concerning funeral arrangements by a frenzy of activity that was centered around one room. Feeling somewhat responsible for all those wounded in the New Year's Eve attack, since it was his family's house and party, James decided to make some inquiries.

"Excuse me," he very politely asked of one of the less hurried healer assistants. "Whose room is that?"

"Someone wounded in that attack the other night at the Potters' party. No one has stepped forward to identify her; all anyone here knows is that she's the girl who took on you-know-who."

"Well perhaps I can help. I'm James Potter and I know just about everyone who went to my parents' party."

"Fabulous! We're not supposed to let anyone in, but you can take just a peek to identify her."

"I'll do my best," promised James.

"Okay then, make it quick and don't get in anyone's way. She's still in great danger of dieing; no one can figure out what curse was used on her, not even the great Professor Albus Dumbledore."

"That is a grave matter indeed," said James trying not to laugh at the young and obviously very inexperienced assistant healer. "Well, I'll just have a look and report to you directly."

The young healer-in-training nodded and James walked towards the door that still had healers slipping in and out carrying clipboards and papers and potions and books to consult to try and find a cure for the curse on the patient.

Just as he was entering the room during a lull of activity, James heard his name called from down the hall. The voice sounded a lot like Remus' and it sounded urgent. James decided that he would just slip in, identify the patient and then see what Remus wanted. He hoped nothing was wrong with his mum… or Meaghan…


	12. Two Kinds of Pain

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Harry Potter copyrights, nor ever will.**

"James!" yelled Remus frantically as his friend ducked into the hospital room that Remus knew belonged to Lily.

"That's her room isn't it?" said Sirius with a sickening feeling in his stomach as he saw James ignore Remus' call.

"Yup," said Remus sadly. _Could things get any worse?_

"Crap."

After James entered the hospital room, he was met with an even greater flurry of activity than what was going on in the hallway. He quickly stepped to the side as another flustered healer exited the room. Slowly he made his way around the curtain that had been erected to block the patient from inquiring eyes that liked to peer through the doorway as healers entered and exited.

What James saw on the other side of that curtain shocked his senses. Darkness clouded the edges of his vision; his mind could simply not comprehend what his eyes were seeing and as a result was now shutting down. Sirius had been right; James couldn't deal with Lily's return on top of everything else.

The only thing that saved James from collapsing on the floor right then and there was a healer who put a firm hand on his shoulder and said, "Who are you? If you're another of those darned reporters I will have you permanently banned from this hospital!"

"No, no," said James as he regained the use of his voice. "No, I, I, I am…"

The healer's vision followed James' pointed figure to his patient.

"Do you know her?" asked the experience healer who now recognized the symptoms of extreme shock.

James nodded.

"Are you family?"

James started to nod but then reconsidered and shook his head instead.

"Then I'm sorry but you can't be in here," said the healer as he began to shuffle James out of the room and into the care of another healer.

"Please sir, she doesn't have any family left. They were killed by Vol- you-know-who. I'm just her boyfriend, but I'm all that she has left. I've been searching the hospital for hours now, I was just released myself. No one knew where she was… I was so scared," said James, immediately conjuring up a convincing lie.

The old healer softened a bit but said regretfully, "I'm sorry son, but we don't think she's going to make it."

"Then can I at least stay here to find out?"

"No," said the healer firmly. "We are still trying to break the curse's hold on her and Professor Dumbledore has been called in again; we think we might have a lead."

"Will you tell me if something changes?"

"Yes, I will personally come and find you," added the healer as he saw the stricken look on James' face. "Why don't you wait in the waiting room at the end of the hallway on this floor. I'll come and find you there."

"Okay," said James as he took one last look at the woman he loved far too much. She was lying on the bed, almost paler than the sheets, her red hair a wild contrast to the pillowcase. Her eyes were closed, but James could recall from memory the sparkling emeralds that lay behind her lids.

James hated to see her like this; Lily Evans was like fire, not something to be toyed with and not something to be contained. Then James quickly turned from her and left the room; he didn't want his memories of her to be contaminated by this last one. James wanted to remember Lily as the vibrant person she was, not as the helpless body that was suspended between life and death on that hospital bed. Lily never was one to allow her fate to be in the hands of others; she probably was going crazy now, wherever her mind was.

James exited the room, his head hung and shoulders slumped. He was greeted by the concerned faces of Sirius and Remus. One look at their expressions told him all he needed to know; they had known and they didn't tell him.

"You knew," he accused with a bitter voice.

Remus opened his mouth to explain and presumably to take the blame, but Sirius beat him to it.

"Yes," said Sirius. "Let's go somewhere and talk."

James' gaze shifted to the now-closed door that separated him from his long lost love.

"She's not going anywhere Prongs, let's get out of here," said Sirius quietly while gesturing to the waiting area that was only a few meters away. Sirius suspected that now James knew where Lily was, he wouldn't want to be far from her; Sirius could sometimes be a perceptive person, well when it came to his best mate anyways.

Remus and Sirius escorted James to the cluster of couches that served as a waiting area and then sat down themselves.

Sirius sat hunched over, his forearms resting on his thighs. Remus slumped into an armchair next to Sirius and across from James, utterly exhausted by the events of the past few days.

"Why didn't you tell me?" asked James sounding hurt and vulnerable.

"We didn't want to see you get hurt again," said Sirius.

"Merlin Sirius! Did you ever stop to think that maybe I'd be even more hurt when I found out that my best mates knew my… well Lily was in this very hospital and didn't tell me!" asked James.

"We didn't want you to go through the heartbreak of losing her again," said Remus quietly while keeping his gaze trained on the floor.

James didn't reply at first, then very softly said, "The healers don't think she's going to make it."

"She's lasted this long Prongs," said Sirius firmly. "And we all know that Lily's a fighter; she's been known to surprise us before and defy all odds. She might just have one more trick up her sleeve."

"Yeah, remember when we were in fourth year and she took on that Slytherin seventh year because he called her a carrot head? She dueled him and won; no one thought she could have come out of such a situation alive," reminisced Remus.

"She was so small back then too," added Sirius. "She was probably half the size of the Slytherin at the time and yet, she bested him and walked away without a scratch, or a detention."

"Wasn't that the day that you started to like her Prongs?" asked Remus.

"Yeah," said James wistfully, caught up in his memories.

"I remember that," said Sirius with a smile. "We were trying to get through the crowd to see what was going on, but no one would let us in. Then just as we were getting somewhere, the crowd parted. James took one look at the pitiful Slytherin who was being carted away calling for his mother and then he glanced at Lily who was walking away, head held high and eyes shining. She walked by him; then he turned to us and said, 'I think I fancy her.'"

Remus laughed heartily at Sirius' high pitched impression of the younger James and James even cracked a smile.

The boys spent the next several hours remembering their Hogwarts days, some stories were about Lily, others weren't. Once in a while someone would go and get some food and bring it back for the others. Every so often one or more of them would fall asleep for a couple of hours and then awake with a start, demanding to know what was going on.

Around seven in the morning on the next day, approximately sixteen hours since the boys had started their watch, Dumbledore showed up.

"Hello Professor," said Remus, the only one who was currently awake.

"Hello Remus," replied the Headmaster cordially. "But how many times must I remind you, you are no longer my pupil and as such, can call me Albus."

"At least twice more," said Remus smiling. "What brings you here?"

"I was called in again to consult with the healers on Miss Evans' condition."

"So you know then," said Remus somewhat downheartedly, referring to Dumbledore knowing that Lily wasn't dead and she was the unknown patient from before.

"Yes."

"How is she?"

"I'm starting to think that there is hope for at least a partial recovery," said Albus.

"Partial?" asked Remus, his stomach seeming to rise into his throat.

"Yes," said Albus with a pained expression. "Voldemort used an ancient spell that is very heavily involved in the Dark Arts. We have only recently been able to figure out what spell it is, but unfortunately, there is very little information on it and nothing that speaks of a counter-curse. However, Madame Pince is sorting through the vast library at Hogwarts and hopefully, now that we know what we are looking for, more information will come to light."

"What spell was it Pro- sorry, habit- Albus?"

"Have you ever heard of the Miamin curse Remus?"

Remus shook his head slowly.

"Few have, Voldemort being one of the few. What it was designed to do is to ultimately kill the victim. We think that Voldemort has somehow manipulated the curse, but in its original form it acts somewhat like the Draught of Living Death. The victim is, in essence, mostly dead. The person's pulse is so weak that without an intense examination, they could easily be taken for dead."

"How do they die?" asked Remus when Dumbledore paused.

"There are many ways, none of which are pleasant. They can starve from lack of nutrition, suffocate if they are mistakenly buried; they can be cremated, or they can simply give up on living and kill themselves, for within their bodies they are aware of any pain that their bodies experience. There has only been one recorded survivor of a weakly done version of this curse. He commented that the only thing he could feel was pain, the pain of hunger, of loneliness, helplessness, and of course the pain that comes with the curse itself. He couldn't remember happiness or friendship and wasn't aware of his surroundings outside of the black abyss that was his mind."

"That sounds awful," said Remus very quietly. He shuddered to think of what Lily was going through.

"There is hope yet though," said Dumbledore with a gleam in his blue eyes. "We think that when Voldemort intensified the pain of the curse, he made it so that the person is more vulnerable to charms and potions to help them out of his coma. Currently, these potions are being administered to Miss Evans."

"Why would she only partially recover?"

"Well, as I said before, I think Voldemort made the curse more painful and as such, I don't know what Miss Evans' mental state will be if she comes out of the coma. Patients don't even usually live this long under this curse."

"Well, we all know how stubborn Lily can be. I doubt she would let Voldemort kill her; if I know her at all, she wants revenge on him and won't stop until she gets it or dies trying," said Remus only realizing that she **had** almost died trying to avenge her parents.

"It's a good thing that Miss Evans has such ambition, though it may bet her into trouble someday. On the contrary, it also may save her or someone else someday. Well anyways, I must be going. The students have returned from their winter break and I have much to attend to at the moment. Please pass on the message to James and Sirius please Remus."

"Will do sir," said Remus less than enthusiastically. Why was he always the one delivering the bad news?

"Good day Remus, I'm sure that I will see you soon."

Confused by his former headmaster's cryptic parting words, Remus could only nod his farewell.

As soon as Albus had left, Remus turned back to his book, dreading the moment James and Sirius would wake up.

"Don't worry Remus," said Sirius. "I heard every word Albus said; I wasn't really sleeping. You don't have to worry about breaking the news to me."

Remus, startled by Sirius' sudden movements, stammered, "You prat! Don't do that to me!"

"Sorry Moony," said Sirius with a doggish grin as he stretched out his tired and cramped limbs.

"You had better be," said Remus with a pretend hurt look. "And to make it up to me, I think that you'll be the one to tell James about his darling Lily when he wakes up."

"Moony," whined Sirius. "I don't wanna!"

"Too bad! It's your turn to deliver some bad news; I had to tell him about his dad, the least you can do is tell him about his girlfriend."

"How 'bout I just leave out what is happening to her and just tell him that there's hope?" suggested Sirius hopefully.

"He deserves to know what is going on and you know it Sirius," said Remus tiredly.

"Yeah I know," said Sirius, his shoulders slumping. "But it's going to hurt him."

"Yeah I know, but you still have to do it."

"When he wakes up."

"Yeah, let him sleep for now; he deserves it after rushing back and forth visiting his mum and waiting for Lily to recover."

"He needs all the rest he can get."

Remus nodded and settled back into his chair and resumed reading his book. Sirius went off to visit Mrs. Potter, his surrogate mother. James, well James just shifted his body so that it completely faced the back of the couch he was on; he didn't want his friends to see the silent tears coursing down his face. He was crying for his dad and his mum and Lily… and all those who had lost someone to this horrible war.


	13. Lily? Meaghan? What?

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

"Excuse me? Young man? Weren't you the one interested in hearing the developments in the patient now known as Lily Evans?" asked the healer James had spoken to earlier.

"Ummm?" asked James as he rolled over, no trace of tears on his face. James wasn't exactly what you would call a morning person.

"Lily Evans, you wanted to see her?"

James bolted upright. "What about her?!"

"She's conscious now," said the healer slowly. "But…"

James was half way around the corner and into the hallway when he heard the 'but.' He hated that word. When he was little, it was, "James honey, painting the walls is a very creative thing to do, **but** I've told you a million times to keep your paint on the paper, so you have to have a time out…" In school it was, "Mr. Potter, that was an impressive use of advanced magic, **but** nevertheless you know it is against the rules, so you have a week of detention…" And now, quite possibly the worst of the 'buts', the love of your life is alive, **but**...

"What?"

"She's not exactly completely healed yet. It will take some time before she is back to her old self. You'll have to be very patient with her."

James nodded and shot out of the room. He was racing so fast that he nearly knocked over a cart of potions and almost missed Lily's room. At the last second, James slid into the room and went beyond the curtain. There was Lily, but it wasn't how he expected to see her. No matter what the healer had said, James anticipated Lily to be sitting up in bed, probably reading, her green eyes shining. That was not the sight that greeted James, not at all.

Lily was curled up into a ball. Her arms wrapped around her knees which were pulled up to her chest. Her head was down and her hair concealed her face, but James could tell that she was sobbing from the way her body shook.

James could feel his heart breaking. There had been a couple of times James had found Lily crying, but she was still pretty contained even when she was breaking down. A couple tears would run down her cheeks, James would hold her tightly. Then a few minutes later she would blow her nose, say a quiet thank you to James and things would be better. Now Lily seemed to be just letting it all out- she was openly sobbing.

James immediately went to Lily's side and called her name gently. The healer had said to be patient, but he didn't quite know what that meant. He figured it was best to move slowly since Lily was obviously such an emotional wreak.

As James called her name, Lily quieted for a moment. Then she looked up and stared right into James' eyes.

"James," said Lily, her voice, like her body, trembling.

She recognized him! "Lily," said James with a smile that threatened to break his face. He reached out to hold her, but she stopped him.

"Oh James! I've been so awful and selfish to you! I can understand why you hate me now! Please don't rub it in anymore! I can't take it anymore! I love you and now you hate me… I was so bad… bad, bad, bad, he was right, I don't deserve happiness. I was punishing myself because I deserve to be punished…"

James watched Lily mentally beat herself up; most of her words only came out as sporadic mumblings, but James understood their meaning, at least to the point where he knew Lily was hurting herself emotionally.

James didn't care what the healer said, he reached over and sat right on Lily's bed with her and put his arms around her as best as he could. Then he pulled her small form right onto his lap and tried to sooth her. He rubbed her back and whispered sweet nothings into her ear. He kissed her hair and held her tightly in his strong arms. She still seemed lost in a world of her own.

Eventually, Lily wore herself out from crying. As much as James wanted to hold her in his arms forever, he laid her down on the bed and tucked her in. His mum needed him now; she was moving back home today and as he glanced at his watch, James realized that it was only a half hour before she was scheduled to be released by the healers.

James placed a light kiss on Lily's forehead and left the room.

After his mom was settled back into Potter Manor and Peter and Remus promised to keep an eye on her, though she firmly asserted that she was fine and could function on her own very well thank you!, Sirius and James headed back to the hospital. Sirius had not yet seen Lily because he and Remus had fallen asleep and when they woke up it was time to escort Mrs. Potter back to the Manor. So now James filled him in on all of the gory details.

Sirius was a bit shocked for a minute there. Why was James being all lovey dovey towards Lily? Sure she just barely survived a life threatening encounter with an extremely painful curse, but she had practically ripped James' heart out and did the Can-can on it! But, he decided to shut his trap and play the supportive friend role; James had been through enough as it was and if he wanted to take Lily back with open arms after everything she had done, that was his business.

Sirius and James arrived at St. Mungo's and immediately James went into Lily's room. Sirius lagged behind a little, feeling just a bit of anger towards Lily for causing his best mate so much pain.

Then, as soon as he saw her, Sirius felt badly for ever thinking anything less than friendly about Lily. She was in the fetal position moaning and sobbing. A timid healer was trying to somehow get a pain-relieving potion into Lily, but that clearly wasn't working out.

And in the middle of it all was James, who calmly had sat next to Lily and pulled her into his arms. He continued to rock her back and forth as if she was a small child no matter how hard she tried to get out of his grip or how loudly she screamed.

Eventually, Lily once again wore herself out and fell asleep. James relinquished his grip on her and tucked her into the bed. Then he turned to the now frustrated Healer.

The Healer said, "How did you do that? No one has been able to get her to calm down like that yet! Hopefully this time won't be as short lived as the last."

"Last time? What happened last time?" asked James.

"Well, a couple of hours ago, before my shift, she fell asleep. From what I was told, she only stayed that way for an hour and a half. Then she woke up and has been screaming ever since, the poor lass."

"Oh," was all James could say.

"Well now that she's calm, I can finally give her a pain-relief potion. Maybe now she won't scream so much!" said the Healer with a hopeful laugh.

"Yeah," said James as he and Sirius were shooed out of the room.

Then walked down to the very familiar waiting room and sat down.

"I dunno what to do Padfoot," James confessed a little while later. "I don't know what is going on!"

"Well, I'd feel pretty betrayed if I were you," said Sirius slowly, trying to find out what was going through his best mate's mind.

"Why?" asked James as he looked at Sirius curiously.

Sirius foolishly decided to plow on, "Well, I guess that I would just feel betrayed if my girlfriend faked her own death and then started to date me as someone else!"

James was fairly shocked by Sirius' harsh tone, but he was much more surprised by the information that Sirius was giving him. "What?"

"Oh Merlin!" shouted Sirius as his eyes widened. "You didn't know? Merlin! I messed this up! Crap!"

"What are you talking about Padfoot?!"

"Nothing mate! Just sleep deprivation talking! I gotta go get some sleep! I'll see you back at Potter Manor!" said Sirius as he hastily fled the scene.

James, of course followed him all the way to where Sirius met up with Remus.

"Moony!" shouted Sirius, slightly out of breath. "Prongs had no idea that Lily and Meaghan are the same person, but I basically just told him! What are we going to do?"

"Well," began Remus, who was facing the doorway in which James was standing. "I think the best thing to do would be to turn around so that we can break the news in a slightly easier way."

"What?!" bellowed James accusingly. "Not only did you not tell me that Lily was at St. Mungo's, but you also neglected to inform me that she was alive!"

"That pretty much sums it up," said Sirius weakly.

"Anything else I should know while we're at this?" asked James still using his loud, and frankly, scary, angry voice.

"You have one hell of a girlfriend who takes on the darkest most evil wizard in history, who most people won't even say the name of, and survives," said Sirius, trying to do his customary lightening of the situation through humor.

"Who has now gone crazy in case you didn't notice!" shouted James.

Remus blanched, he hadn't heard that part before.

Then James stormed out. He ran outside of his house until he was the point at which a person could apparate; then he went to his apartment, grabbed his broom and returned to his childhood home. He mounted his broom and took off. There was nothing like a good broom ride when your best friends were being complete prats, your dad was dead, your mom was injured and your girlfriend was quite possibly crazy.

Hours later, James returned to his house. He took a very long and very hot shower to get rid of the January chill that has settled in his muscles. Then, he went to check on his mother. She was asleep. So, James decided to go back to the hospital to visit Lily… Meaghan… both of them…

Although riding his broom had never failed to solve all of his problems back in Hogwarts, it didn't exactly help James now that his troubles were so much bigger. James was still very confused as to how he should feel towards Lily. Yeah, she had basically torn out his heart with a spoon and then ground it up into mincemeat, but it was so hard for him to be angry at the pitiful form that was Lily. She was like a small child who was having a never ending nightmare.

"James," said Sirius in a very serious tone. "I have some bad news for you."

"What?" asked James sharply as he stepped away from the front door and faced Sirius.

"It's Lily… she… she's not doing so well…"

**A/N. Thanks for all of the reviews guys! It definitely helps me to write! I would have given up this story long ago without all of your support!**


	14. Freedom

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

"What could possibly be wrong now?!" James asked of no one in particular. Then he looked up to the ceiling and exclaimed, "Have I suffered enough yet? Is there anything else you would like to do to me now? Perhaps kick me while I'm down? No wait! You've already done that! Perhaps my wounds need some lemon juice! Why don't you give me some parchment cuts while you're at it?!"

"Prongs, mate, who are you talking to?" asked Sirius with a hint of brotherly concern in his voice.

"Whoever is up there that is laughing at my expense!" shouted James.

"Um, okay, sure. Anyways, Lily needs you. Someone from St. Mungo's just flooed over. They can't calm her down and supposedly calming drafts are out of the question for someone in her position. She's hysterical. They need you."

Before Sirius uttered another word, James was out of the stately manor and had taken off running. No matter what, James was not going to lose Lily, not again. He wanted time to be properly angry at her and then time for his anger to recede and her to apologize and then time to be with her until the end of his days, which would hopefully be the longest period of time.

James arrived at the room in which Lily was being contained to find a mess. Spilled potions covered the floor, linen from the bed was crumpled on the floor and Healers were tearing their hair out wondering what to do with the sobbing young woman on the bed. No one could get through to her; all she did was sob and ramble things about being bad, not being good enough, and punishing herself.

James sighed. As much as he loved holding Lily, this was getting old. Also, obviously, it was only a temporary reprieve for her and the staff of St. Mungo's. So, James decided to try a new approach.

He walked over to Lily and as gently as he could disentangled her from her position in a ball, and kissed her passionately, throwing the cautions of the Healers to the winds. At first Lily tensed, but then she melted into the embrace. James only stopped for breath.

"I love you James," said Lily her voice still thick with tears and constant screaming. "And I'm really sorry for everything!"

"Shh," said James, completely ignoring the Healers who were still clustered in the room and now openly staring. "I forgive you, stop beating yourself up about this."

"It's so hard James," cried Lily looking more vulnerable that James had ever seen her. "The voices, they're in my head, they are me, and they keep telling me everything I've ever felt insecure about. It hurts so much James!"

"I know love, I know," said James comfortingly.

"I don't want them to take over again, please don't let them!" shrieked Lily.

"I'm here love, I'll stay with you and protect you, just like old times," James promised.

By now, the Healers began to drift out. Their job was done and they kindly gave the couple a few minutes alone.

"It's so dark and cold there… like a million dementors surrounding you."

"Nothing's going to hurt you now Lily, I promise."

"James?"

"Hmmm?"

"Do you love me?" asked Lily as her haunted green eyes met his tired hazel ones. "I'm sorry for asking, but I need to know."

James hesitated, just one second he hesitated, but that was all it took. Lily's red-rimmed eyes cast their gaze down and said, "The voices were right. How could you love me after all that I put you through? I was so selfish! I never deserved you anyways. I was always so callous to you and you were never anything but wonderful to me. They were right, I'm better to you dead. Then you could get your closure and move on. It didn't take you long to move on with Meaghan, it should be much simpler for you to move on again with some pure-blooded witch, someone who won't endanger you and your family. Someone who is prettier, smarter, more talented than me… I was such a fool! I wish Voldemort had just killed me when he had the chance!"

No matter what James said to try and interrupt Lily's ramblings, she paid no heed to him. She was rapidly sinking back into a place of darkness and pain.

"Please James, just go and don't come back. This is hard enough for me," said Lily as tears began to drip down her pale cheeks.

"But Lily," began James. He felt very badly for hurting her like this, even if he was angry with her deep-down.

"Just go," whispered Lily.

"I lost you once," said James firmly. "I'm not going to lose you again."

"What does it matter to you now?!" screamed Lily. "It was all in the thrill of the chance for you! You never cared for me and still you don't! Not that I blame you! I wouldn't love me either… who could really love someone like me?"

"Lily! Listen to me, I love you," said James, feeling the words slip out of mouth with a little more difficulty than he was used to. He attributed it to lack of practice, but deep-down he knew it to be something else.

"Don't lie to me Potter! I may be sick and on the verge of insanity, but that doesn't mean that you can toss around my feelings like that! Just give it to me cut and dry; I'm a tough girl, if I can take on Voldemort than I can take a rejection from you!" said Lily fire evident in her voice.

"I do love you," said James without looking Lily in the eye. "I know I do; it's just hard to accept right now. You hurt me Lily, you hurt me deeply and it's not so easy to forgive that."

Lily visibly cowered; she was no longer the imposing figure James knew her to be. Once more she was a shadow of her former self.

"I'm sorry," Lily whispered to the sheets on the bed that were slowly becoming saturated with her tears.

James became angry; how in the world did she think that a simple 'I'm sorry' would make things better? The pain and resentment that had settled deep in his chest surged to the surface. He wanted Lily to stop being so pathetic so that he could be angry with her without such guilt.

James got up and left Lily's side without turning back. He was confused and angry right now.

Lily succumbed to the quiet darkness of her mind. The voices were silent; there was nothing more they could say to wound her now. All of her nightmares had come true; James didn't love her anymore and he had abandoned her. The voices had been right, Lily convinced herself. She wasn't worthy of him.

Tears streamed down her face, but no sobs came. She sat on her bed, exactly the position he had left her in and just stared at the wall in front of her. Her gaze never wavered, nor did she. Healers came in to give her the few potions she was allowed to have in her condition and food. She did what she was told robotically, nothing mattered to her anymore; she was finally broken.

"Lily?" questioned her guest uncertainly. "Meaghan?" he tried again when he received no response. "Please talk to me," he begged as he held her cold hand.

Lily was sitting up in bed, her eyes unfocused on the wall in front of her.

"He doesn't love me," said Lily finally without turning her head.

"Yes he does," assured her companion.

"Don't try to spare my feelings. He told me himself yesterday."

Remus felt as if he could kill James at that point, well at least cause him great bodily harm. It had taken him hours to get the story out of James. The fact that James didn't love Lily was something that had been left out.

"He stayed in the waiting room down the hall for hours on end waiting for you to recover," protested Remus. "If that's not love then I don't know what is."

"He's angry. As he should be, I hurt him. When he gets hurt, he gets angry. I feel very alone Remus," said Lily turning to face her visitor at last.

"You aren't alone Lily; you'll never be alone. I talked to Daisy a few days ago. She's very concerned for you, but she can't visit because of the hospital's rules against muggles that aren't the immediate family of the patient. She says to tell you that she and Mike, I think that is her husband's name, have finally decided on the names for their baby, who is doing well and is due in late February, as you probably already know. If it's a boy they want to name him Edward Michael and if it's a girl, Lillian Rose," said Remus eyeing Lily warily.

"After my mother and I," said Lily slowly and quietly. "My mom was Daisy's godmother."

"Anything you need from the outside world Lily?" asked Remus after a very long silence.

"No," said Lily dully.

"Anything you _want_?"

Lily just shook her head.

"How about some chocolate?"

Lily sighed and said, "Don't bother cheering me up Remus. I'm almost to the end now."

"The end of what?" asked Remus alarmed.

"Life."

"Stop pitying yourself Lily! You can get better if you choose to!"

"Perhaps," was all the extremely weakened, both in body and soul, Lily said.

Remus left soon after because Lily would neither answer him nor acknowledge his presence. However, he arrived again the next day, undeterred by Lily's stubbornness. He related trivial pieces of information about the outside world to Lily, who didn't say anything in reply. Then he opened his book and read for a half hour. After that he bid her good-bye and left.

Everyday, Remus returned out of love for his close friend. A week later, as Remus was leaving, Lily asked, "Why do you come Remus?"

He answered, "Because I love you Lily. You've always been there for me as one of my closest friends and now I'm going to be there for you."

"Thank you," Lily whispered.

"You're welcome," said Remus with a huge smile. He would have stayed later, but it was a full moon that night and he needed to get to the Shrieking Shack.

The next day Remus was unable to visit Lily. In his place Sirius arrived.

"Hello Lily," said Sirius.

Lily didn't respond.

"Remus couldn't make it; you know last night was a full moon and now he's not feeling so well."

Still no response.

"He said you'd be like this. Well, Miss Evans, I'm going to prove to you once and for all that I am more stubborn than you are!" said Sirius haughtily as he sat down next to her. The silence lasted all of five minutes. Then Sirius bolted out of his chair and said, "You are so frustrating! This is like having a staring contest with a statue! It's no wonder why James doesn't want to visit."

Although Sirius' last words were muttered quietly, Lily heard them. The tears came slowly; Lily didn't make a sound nor did she acknowledge the salty tears that left itchy trails down her face and splashed onto her folded hands.

Sirius saw the tears, but didn't know what to do. So he ignored them Instead, he did as Remus had suggested and told Lily about the daily occurrences in the Auror office, where he and James worked.

After Sirius left, Lily wiped her cheeks with her sleeve. Then she decided that Sirius was right; it was her own fault James didn't love her anymore. She had driven him away and now if she wanted him back, she was going to have to work for his love.

The long silent voices clamored at this decision. They all shouted harsh sentiments at Lily. She grasped her head; it hurt so much. Finally she shouted, "SHUT UP!"

The voices left. Lily could tell because there was no longer a feeling of dread and doom weighing her down. She felt as if a great burden was lifted off of her body. Lily felt as if now she could breathe properly, like she was no longer restrained to feel only hurt and anger. There was happiness again in her heart.

Lily felt the friendship of Remus wash over her, and even the caring that Sirius' visit left behind. She also was now able to embrace the love that Remus' words, spoken over a week ago, imparted. _"He stayed in the waiting room down the hall for hours on end waiting for you to recover. If that's not love then I don't know what is."_

The curse was finally overthrown; Lily was free again. She may have been broken, but that didn't mean that she couldn't take the pieces and put them back together. If that's what it took to win back James' love, than so be it.


	15. On the Road of Healing

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

Like the loyal friend that he was, as soon as Remus had recovered from the full moon, he once again visited Lily. Only this time, he didn't have to suffer through a once sided conversation that would have been more entertaining had he been talking to a brick wall.

As usual, Lily was sitting up in her hospital bed, but unlike what Remus had grown accustomed to; Lily looked mostly like her old self. Her hair was washed, brushed and braided neatly; it was no longer just a mess of knotted red hair going every which way. She had also washed her face and applied some lotion, so her complexion had greatly improved. She was also wearing normal clothes, the muggle clothes that she had been wearing when she was attacked, cleaned and returned to her.

The greatest change however, was in her manner. She was no longer just staring blankly in front of her, her eyes unfocused. As Remus entered the room, Lily put down the newspaper that she had been reading intently and smiled at him.

"Hello Remus," she said kindly.

"H-h-h-hi Lily," stuttered the very surprised Remus. "Feeling better?"

"Much. The Healers said that I can go home later today. They just have to run some last minute tests. I'm really looking forward to seeing Daisy and Mike again. Because Daisy's due date is getting so close, she's going to need a lot of help. How are you doing?"

"Pretty well, all things considering," said Remus.

"And how's everybody?"

"Good, as good as they can be. Mrs. Potter has finally fully recovered and Mr. Potter's body has been returned to the family after the standard autopsy was done. There was a huge waiting period because of all the victims, but the Ministry decided that it still needed to be done so that the deaths could all be on file and used in court cases if the Death Eaters were ever convicted."

"When is the wake?"

"It starts in an hour," said Remus as he gestured to his clothes. "I was planning on going there right after visiting you."

"Do you think James would want me there?" asked Lily thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure," replied Remus honestly. "I think he's still really hurt right now."

"I should have listened to you Remus and because I didn't things got really out of hand. I was just trying to protect him, to protect all of you."

"I know that Lily, but James doesn't."

"After all of this is over, I'll explain it all to him. I promise," added Lily when she saw Remus' doubting look.

"Let's see if we can get you out of here early. Then we can swing by your place and head to the wake."

"You know me too well," said Lily as she smiled.

"How so?"

"You knew that whether James wants me at the wake or not, I'd still be there."

"It's true isn't it?"

"Yes, yes it is."

Remus grinned, "Let's see if I have any of the so-called 'Marauder charm' left."

Twenty minutes later Remus had managed to arrange Lily's release. Most of the staff were pretty excited to see her gone and hadn't really put up a fuss.

Lily quickly said her greetings to her cousin and went up to her apartment, promising to return later for a long explanation. Within minutes Lily was dressed and she and Remus arrived at the wake.

Even though they were early, they were not the first in line. Remus and Lily slowly made their way to the coffin to pay their respects. Lily looked upon the man who had been very kind to her in the short time she had know him; she was relieved to see that he looked as if his passing had been painless, as if he were only sleeping.

After a few minutes, Lily left the coffin, tears welling up behind her eyes that she had to fight to keep in check. Then suddenly, she was upon the family of the deceased. Sirius and James were standing supportively on either side of Mrs. Potter. All three looked very weary, yet strong. They showed their strength as they completed the odious task of greeting and thanking the endless stream of people biding good-bye to a very well-known and respected man among the wizarding community.

Lily approached Sirius first. She nearly smiled when she saw the shock register on his face, but since it was neither the time nor the place, she refrained.

"I'm so sorry for your loss Sirius," said Lily sincerely.

"Thanks for coming," Sirius managed as Lily enveloped him in an unexpected hug.

"Thank you for your help back at the hospital; I really needed it," Lily replied.

Then she walked on to Mrs. Potter as Remus and Sirius exchanged words behind her.

"I'm really sorry for your loss Mrs. Potter," said Lily as she stopped before the elderly woman.

"Lily?" asked Sarah uncertainly.

Lily smiled in acknowledgment.

Tears streamed down Sarah's face as she hugged Lily fiercely. "The boys told me you wouldn't survive," she said quietly.

"I was given a second chance," Lily replied as she was released. "And I guess that I should start with the apologies now. I am terribly sorry for any grief that you may have experienced because of me. I realize that I hurt a lot of people and now I want to make up for it."

"Just be yourself again," said Sarah kindly. "We could all do to have your sunshine around in times like this."

"Thank you Mrs. Potter."

Lily was starting to move on to James, who appeared to be finishing a conversation with a friend of his father's, when Sarah held her back a minute.

"I'm really sorry about your parents; although I didn't meet them, I know that they must have been wonderful people to have raised a daughter as kind-hearted as you. Know that they were proud of you Lily."

"James is lucky to have you for a mother Mrs. Potter," said Lily as she barely managed to keep her tears from spilling over.

"Come over anytime you like my dear, I daresay that I might be rather lonely in the coming years," said Sarah as she let her own tears fall freely.

"Of course," said Lily. "I'll see you soon."

"I look forward to it."

Then Lily had to face James. Although she appeared to be unshakable, Lily was inwardly quivering. As much as she feared doing this, she knew that she had to.

"I'm very sorry for your loss James," said Lily. "He was a wonderful man and will be sorely missed."

"Yeah," was all James could manage. He couldn't believe that Lily was here. Was she mentally stable? Last time he checked, she wasn't.

"I'll see you around," said Lily as she gave him a supportive smile.

James was only permitted to stare after her in disbelief and anger so a moment because he was soon swamped by more people giving him their condolences. However, that didn't stop him from thinking about Lily. As much as he hadn't wanted her to come, and hadn't expected her to come, he was glad that she had. He was still angry at her, but not as much. He was on his way to forgiving her, even is he didn't want to be.

As soon as Lily spoke to James, she left. She didn't want to make a scene at the wake and she knew that that might come to be if she was recognized as someone who had been thought dead. She also knew that her identity as the girl who had taken on Voldemort had been released to the public by some leak from the hospital.

Back at the Blue-Eyed Daisy, Mike and Daisy and Lily were all gathered together having a tearful reunion and exchanging stories. Daisy and Mike formally announced their name choices to Lily, who blushed appropriately.

"If it's a girl," explained Daisy. "We want her to be strong and brave like you Lily. If it's a boy we'll just name him after Mike's brother."

"Hey," protested Mike.

"Take it easy honey, I was just kidding. I love you brother; he's a wonderful guy."

"Looks like you have competition Mike," teased Lily. "And who could have thought it would have come from within the family."

"Ha, ha, ha," said Mike as he brought his teacup to the sink and rinsed it out.

When he returned to his seat, Daisy pecked him on the lips to assuage his nonexistent fears.

"AHH! Grown-ups kissing!" joked Lily. "AHH! My eyes! I'm scarred for life!"

Mike and Daisy laughed. Daisy also swatted her affectionately. "It's not like you didn't kiss your hunk of a boyfriend."

Lily visibly blushed again.

"I like that friend of yours, Remus," said Mike to ease the tense silence that followed Daisy's comment.

"He's a very nice boy," agreed Daisy.

"You sound like my mom," said Lily.

Mike and Daisy were kind of at a loss as to how to respond. Not once had Lily mentioned her parents to either of them since the initial explanation of why she was at their doorstep.

"Though I suppose that it's good practice, right?" continued Lily, pretending to be ignorant of the confused glances Mike and Daisy were throwing each other.

"Yes," concurred Daisy.

"I bet you can't wait to beat off your daughter's boyfriends with a stick, huh Mike?"

Mike smiled. "I knew there had to be some perks to this dad thing."

"What makes you so sure it's going to be a girl?" asked Daisy as she rolled her eyes at her husband's behavior.

"I just have a feeling," said Lily. What she didn't add is that she had a feeling that she wasn't going to live very long and there was going to need to be a replacement Lily in the world.

"It is a fifty-fifty chance," said Mike. "There are only two feelings that you can have. As for me, I have the feeling that it's going to be a boy."

"I say that we make a wager then," proposed Lily.

"You want me to bet on the gender of my first child?" asked Mike.

"Sure. It's all in good fun," said Lily casually.

"What do I get when I win?" asked Mike egotistically.

Lily put her pointer finger to her lips and tapped them as she pondered the answer. "How about, if you win I will baby-sit whenever you want for a month."

"Whenever I want?" asked Mike. "At the drop of a hat I can just tell you to baby-sit and you will."

"Yup. And if _I_ win, then I get to hold **her** before you do, right after Daisy of course."

Daisy smiled appreciatively at being mentioned

"No way! That's no fair!"

"Fine," said Lily. "Then, you have to change all of baby Lily's diapers for the first two weeks of her life."

"Deal," said Mike as he shook Lily's hand. "You had better clear your schedule for all of March because you are going to be doing a lot of baby-sitting."

"We'll see about that."

"Yes we will."

Daisy just watched her husband and cousin banter back and forth with a huge smile on her face. Daisy hadn't seen Lily so happy in such a long time; she was also very relieved that Lily had finally stopped hiding and going by her middle name. As Daisy gently stroked her swelled stomach, she felt complete; she had a loving husband, a successful restaurant- her childhood dream, a child on the way and her little cousin was finally healing. Yup, life was good.


	16. Okay, Bordering on Good

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

**Dear James, **_How dare she write 'dear'! I'm not dear to her now and never have been!_

**I know that you're hurt now, **_how could I not be? Does she even realize what she put me through?_** And I'm not even going to begin to apologize **_why not? She has about a million apologies to write or say before I even begin to forgive her! _**here in this letter because I know it won't make a difference to you now. **_She's right about that; I don't really believe in written apologies, not for something this big. _**Someday I hope to be able to apologize so that you listen, but I know that day isn't today. **_She had better believe that I'm not going to listen to her apologies now!_** I just want you to know that you are one of the reasons I'm not in one of the permanent wards at Mungo's. **_I'm what? I'm the reason…Wait a minute; she was going to be in a permanent ward? Remus said that she had been improving! _**Do you know that they talked about it in front of me? **_How could they?! That's awful! _**They thought I had gone off the deep end, but even crazy people can hear. **_Everyone knows that! That's why I talked to her... _**They were going to move me the following day. Luckily Sirius came by and snapped me out of that awful curse. **_Sirius never said anything about visiting Lily…_**Finally, everything was in focus again. I can't remember what I said to you, but I know that it was bad. **_She doesn't even know…she can't possibly know how much she hurt me. _**I just want to thank you for all that you did for me while I was, well, out of it. I know you probably felt like it was an obligation, **_No Lily, caring for you has never been an obligation. _**but I'm grateful all the same. **

**Now onto my real reason for writing you. **_What the hell? Your reason wasn't to apologize? Then what could you be writing me for?_** I wanted to tell you that even though you probably can't stand the sight of me right now, **_don't even think that Lily. Just the sight of you yesterday at the funeral made my heart beat faster. _**I'm there for you; you know if you wanted to talk or anything. Let me know if you want to go and get a cup of coffee sometime. I don't have to be me if you want; I could be someone else, just a friendly stranger willing to listen. **_ Yeah, I'm going to let that happen cause it worked so well last time…_**We all know that I'm pretty good with the disguising charms by now. **_Way to bring that one up Lily. You never were one for skirting around the issue, any issue. _**There I go being insensitive again. **_At least you realize it now; back in school you didn't even realize that you were being callous and hurtful. I guess that that was because that's how people treated you. For you that was normal behavior. _**Sometimes I wonder if I would have made a better Ravenclaw- you know just hang out with the people concerned with their schoolwork more than emotions. **_Wow Lily, you're such a hypocrite. That is such a stereotype. You told me to never follow the stereotypes. _**There I go being prejudiced. I know a few Ravenclaws and none of them are like that. Maybe I should have been a Slytherin; I guess I have displayed more than enough prized Slytherin qualities these last few months- not caring about anyone but me, being cunning, sneaky… **_There are quite a few other adjectives I could use to describe you Lily, like cold-hearted and manipulative… _**the list is just about as endless as Slughorn's desire for crystallized pineapple. **_Hey you aren't supposed to make me laugh! I'm supposed to hate you! _**Bet you didn't see that one coming huh? Well anyways, that's about all I wanted to say (and a lot more that I intended to cross out, but then decided not to because I think you deserve to know exactly what is going through my head right now) **_I deserve that and a whole lot more after all that you have put me through Lily. _**so I think I'll end this here. I'm not even going to sign my name because if you can't tell who wrote this by now, then I'm not going to ruin your dreams that I'm someone you don't despise with your whole being. **_It has to be you Lily, no one else would ever write a letter like this. _**Seems like fate has shifted the world around; you hate me and I am hopelessly in love with you. **_You're what?! _**Darn quill! Obey me! I guess whoever is in the sky playing around with my life **_You have one of those guys too? Now I know why we are- were- such a good couple, we both believe in the same ridiculous things. _** wanted you to know that. (For the record- it's true, I just didn't want to overwhelm you in one really messed up letter that you probably burned before you ever got this far because you knew who it was from.) **_Being humble doesn't suit you Lily._** So yeah, umm…**_ Only you would write 'umm' in a letter Lily._** You probably don't remember it, but that café I dragged you to in downtown London? **_I kind of remember it…it's somewhere… _**Yeah, well I go there every Wednesday night (my night off). Other than that, you know where to find me. **_Yeah I do. _**So if you need to talk, I'm here. Bye. **

Once James was done with the letter, he read it over again. Then he read it a third time. After that he threw it in the fireplace in his apartment. It just sat in the cold ashes, waiting to be incinerated, but James couldn't actually bring himself to set fire to the innocent looking piece of parchment, so he just grabbed his cloak and left to go for a walk. James told himself that all he needed was some cool air to clear his head, but he knew that what he needed was to make peace with Lily; he didn't want to, but he did **need** to. As James thought this he scowled and felt disgusted with himself. He didn't need Lily; he never had and never would. He was strong; since he had made it this long without her then he could survive eternity without her.

-----

"Hey Alice," said Fiona as she walked into the main room of her very small apartment. "What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here?" asked Alice confused. "You invited me here."

"No I didn't."

"I got an owl from you an hour ago saying to meet you because you had some big news for me."

"I don't have any news for you…"

Just then there came a knock at the door.

"Who is it?" both girls called out nervously. With things the way they were, situations such as the one they were in screamed 'danger!'.

"It's Lily," said the person on the other side of the door.

"No it's not you creep!" shouted Fiona as she pointed her wand at the door.

"Lily died months ago!" said Alice with tears beginning to well in her eyes.

"Don't either of you read the paper anymore?"

"No, it's too depressing," answered Alice.

"Well it is me, Lily. When Voldemort killed my parents and burned down my house, I escaped and went into hiding. Please let me in and I'll tell you the whole story; I feel kind of silly talking to a door."

"Not until you answer some questions first," said Fiona defiantly.

"Yeah, questions only the _real_ Lily would know," added Alice.

"Fire away."

"Ummm," said Alice. "What books did Lily always keep on her nightstand?"

Lily immediately answered, "Hogwarts: A History, my dictionary and a thesaurus with the synonyms of git, prat, bully, megalomaniac and several others highlighted in green."

Fiona and Alice exchanged glances. They were slightly convinced, but not quite.

Fiona said, "Anyone from our dorm could have told you that. How about this one: what color did Alice dye her hair the summer after fifth year at that sleepover we had?"

Lily thought for a moment and then answered, "Alice didn't dye her hair. You and I dyed our hair, mine was blue and yours purple, but Alice was too chicken. So while she was sleeping that night we dyed it pink."

Tears came to both Fiona and Alice's eyes. They stumbled over themselves as they raced to open the door. All three met in an awkward group hug just inside the apartment.

"Lily! How is this possible!" asked Alice joyfully as she wiped away her happy tears after the immense group hug that ended up on the floor.

Lily, with a huge smile on her face, told her story. After that she made her apologies. At first Fiona and Alice were upset with her, but then Fiona just said, "You great prat! You always were a self-sacrificing idiot!" Then Alice hit Lily with a couch pillow for good measure. This, of course, started a pillow fight that ended in even stronger bonds of friendship between the two girls.

Later, over cups of tea and raw cookie dough, Alice and Fiona told their lives from the point where Lily had disappeared. Then they told her of all that had happened in the wizarding world.

All that talking took so long, that the girls just camped out in Fiona's very cramped living room, just like the old days. Except that now the sleepover was because both Alice and Lily feared going home alone in the dark, not because it was a planned event.

-----

"Good morning ladies," said a deep voice.

All three girls moaned.

"Come on, up and at 'em," said the man as he went around to Alice who was on the floor in front of the couch and grabbed her blankets.

Alice shrieked and muttered some choice words under her breath. The man only chuckled before moving onto Fiona, who was next to Alice. He grabbed her blankets, which she feebly tried to hold onto. He only chuckled louder as Fiona swore like a sailor and told him to jump off of a cliff.

Finally, the man stepped between the two girls to get to the third party who had won the privilege of sleeping on the couch. He tried to get her blankets off, but she was ready for him. Lily was a quick learner, even in the morning. However, the man still had the upper hand, so her blankets were eventually captured as well.

"And who might you be?" asked the man curiously. He had met Alice, his girlfriend's best friend, before, but this girl was new to him.

"Lily Evans," answered Lily sleepily as she stretched her cramped limbs and tried to fix her ratty morning hair.

"The Lily Evans?" asked the man in shock. Obviously _he_ read the newspaper.

"The one and only," answered Lily tiredly.

"Fiona! You never told me that you were friends with Lily Evans."

"Russell meet Lily Evans my best friend and roommate since we were eleven. Lily meet Russell Hendrite, my early-rising boyfriend," said Fiona with a yawn as she burrowed back into her pillow.

"Wow," said Russell.

"Did you at least bring some coffee or donuts or something?" asked Alice as she deigned to crack one eye open.

"Of course! I never hazard to wake Fiona up with supplies."

"Damn right," mumbled Fiona.

Lily yawned and then said, "It was wonderful to see you guys again, and lovely to meet you Russell, but I have to get going. Does anyone have the time?"

"Half past seven," answered Russell.

Fiona immediately jumped up from the floor. "You woke us up at half past **seven**?" she screeched.

"Yeah, you have to work at eight," answered Russell.

"Right, right," said Fiona as she slowly sank back to her make-shift bed. "Plenty of time."

"Ehnnn I have training today. Professor Ashtly is going to murder me…" whined Alice.

"I'm sure Frank will make you feel all better afterwards," said Fiona with a cruel grin.

"Emmm," agreed Alice.

The girls and Russell all grinned.

Lily came back into the room, her hair brushed and her clothes which she had slept in, looking perfectly clean and pressed.

"Toodles everyone!" with that Lily apparated out of the apartment and into her own. She quickly changed her clothes and walked down to the kitchen.

"Morning!" Lily called.

"You're late," said Daisy with a frown on her face.

"I'm sorry, I stayed over with a friend last night and slept in."

"Don't worry about it," said Daisy dismissively. "It's a Tuesday morning. There are only a handful of people here."

Lily grinned and went to do her job. Life was good, well except for the whole James conflict… and the fact that Lily had the distinct impression that Sirius was not entirely happy to see her… and there was the fact that the press was looking everywhere for her for an interview… and Voldemort was probably out to get her now that he knew she was alive… alright, the revised statement is that life was okay, bordering on good.


	17. Two Lattes

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

"Hey James! Wait up!" cried Frank Longbottom as he rushed to squeeze into the lift that James was in.

"Hey Frank," said James with a wide smile as Frank made it just as the doors closed. "How's it going?"

"Pretty well," said Frank. "Things are pretty good lately."

"How's Alice?"

"She is downright giddy lately. A couple of weeks back she had a girl's night over at Fiona Harding's. She and Lily and Fiona had a lot of catching up to do and made a whole night of it. Boy did she look tired when I saw her the next day. Said that they had stayed up until three in the morning talking! Imagine that!" said Frank in his easy way. He didn't notice James' discomfort when he mentioned Lily at all. So, he just continued on.

"And how's your mum doing?" said Frank as he changed topics without any warning. "My mum was pretty lonely after my dad died a few years back. She hardly wanted to let me out of the house! Luckily, my uncle talked some sense into her and she let me go back to Hogwarts… but that was one boring summer," said Frank.

"My mum is doing okay I guess," said James uncertainly. When was the last time he had visited her? He strained his brain, but couldn't remember. Guilt flooded his system.

"My mum has been visiting her once a week she said. I think it helps her to talk to someone who has been through it all already. And I think the old birds love to just catch up on all the gossip. Keeps them out of our hair huh?"

"Yeah," said James absently. What kind of son was he? Augusta Longbottom was visiting his widowed mother more than he was! James immediately resolved to check up on his mom more often.

"See you later James," called Frank as the pair exited the lift and went in their separate directions.

"Bye Frank," said James out of habit.

As soon as he was in the apparition zone, James apparated home. Because of the various protective charms on his childhood home, James had a long walk up to his front door from the nearest available point of apparition. He used that walk to scold himself for not paying enough attention to his mom.

He quietly entered the house and let a house elf talk his cloak. Then he walked to his mother's favorite room, the parlor, where he was told by the elf she was.

As he approached the room, he heard his mother talking. He was too far away to tell what was being said, but he was still able to pick out his mum's voice. James was about to turn around and leave with the intention of coming back when his mom didn't have company when he heard the voice of the person she was talking to; it was Lily without a doubt.

James hastened his pace and walked into the room without knocking.

"What is **she** doing here?" he asked his mother rudely. He didn't even spare a glance to Lily, who immediately froze with her teacup halfway to her lips.

Sarah frostily replied to her son, "I invited her here, and we were just enjoying a very lovely tea when you so rudely barged in. Now, please leave the room and go knock like the gentleman I raised you to be."

James sighed, but conceded when his mother gave him the look that said, 'James Christopher Potter, you may legally be an adult, but I am still your mother and I can still send you to your room without supper.'

James slumped out of the room until Mrs. Potter chided him on his posture. Then he straightened his back and tried to finish his walk with the small shred of dignity that he had left. It was especially hard because he could hear Lily snickering into her teacup behind him. Somehow he finally he made it out of the room. He turned around and knocked on the door frame with the air of an indignant child.

Sarah turned back to her son and said, with false surprise, "James! How lovely of you to visit your poor old mother! Please come in and have some tea!"

James rolled his eyes and walked back over to the table at which Lily and Sarah were sitting. Then he noticed that both women were barely suppressing giggles. That only served to further darken his mood.

James rounded on Lily, anger evident in his eyes. "What are you doing here?! You have no right to ever set foot in this house or speak to me or my family again! After what you have done, I cannot believe that you would dare to sink to this level!"

"James Christopher Potter! How dare you speak to one of my guests like that! Your father and I raised you to be much better than this!" said Sarah in outrage.

Lily took one last sip of her tea, all the while, coolly maintaining James' fiery gaze. She slowly put down her cup and then said softly, "Thank you for the tea Sarah, but I think it's time I left."

"There's no need Lily dear," said Sarah. "You are welcome here any time because I greatly appreciate your company. Don't let my childish son drive you out."

Lily looked up at James as she gathered her things and said, "No I think it's for the best. I'll be back to visit soon, I promise."

Sarah sighed in resignation. "Alright my dear, but you must take some of these scones with you; they are simply marvelous and I don't have near enough company to eat them all before they go stale. Magic can only keep them for so long you know."

"I would love to," said Lily as if James wasn't even there. "Your house elves certainly outdid themselves."

Mrs. Potter called for a house elf, who immediately brought a small box for Lily to place her scones in.

"I'm sure Daisy will love these. She is a big fan of scones."

"Oh I forgot to ask," said Sarah suddenly. "How is she?"

"She's getting very excited now. The doctor's say she only has about two weeks left."

"How very exciting for you all," said Sarah kindly.

"Will you just go already!" said James very loudly.

Lily jumped a little at the sudden interruption, but tried to pretend that it didn't bother her.

"I'll be by a little later on this week Sarah; thanks again for the tea and scones."

"Any time," said Sarah as she stood up to give the younger woman a warm hug. "Don't let my thick-headed son or his friends keep you away."

"I wouldn't dream of it," said Lily without looking at James.

Without acknowledging James, Lily left, her heart fairly broken.

"James Christopher Potter! What is the meaning of this atrocious behavior?!" asked Sarah as soon as she was sure Lily was out of earshot.

"She shouldn't be here mom! Don't you know what she did?!" asked James with just as more ferocity as his mother.

"I know more than you do! I know that she went into hiding to protect your sorry arse! The poor girl was scared out of her mind, James," said Sarah more softly. "She had just witnessed the torture and murder of her parents. She didn't know where to turn. What would you have done?"

"I would have gone to someone! Anyone! I would have gone to her, or Sirius, or Remus, or Peter! Anyone! I wouldn't have been a coward and faked my own death!" said James, anger still coursing through his blood.

"Try and see this from her view! She knew that her parents were only targeted because she was a muggle-born witch that would not stay quiet or hide her abilities when she was told to by those who believed themselves to be her superiors because of their bloodlines. In her mind, she didn't want that to happen to anyone else she loved. She didn't want to be the cause of your death James."

"I can take care of myself!" claimed James.

"So could your father!" Sarah yelled back with tears in her eyes, threatening to fall. "Your dad was a very talented wizard with a lot of experience, yet look where he is now!"

"Mum," said James softly as he watched his mother cry, knowing that he was the cause of it. "Mum, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Then how did you mean it?" asked Sarah her voice breaking as she fought to stop the tears from flowing.

"I just…" said James uncertainly. "I just… I don't know." James sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"James, honey, life is too short to carry grudges. Talk to her; get her side of the story. Even if you decide not to pursue a relationship, you'll feel better after you get all of your feelings out."

James was overcome with love for his mom. Even when she was dealing with her own pain, she had enough time to help him through his. He rushed over and gave his mom a hug.

"I love you mum," said James.

"I love you too James," responded his mother. "Now go find Lily. It's her night off so she'll downtown at that little café…"

"Yeah I know," said James as he interrupted his mom in his excitement. Finally things had aligned. For weeks, a solution had eluded him, but now everything seemed so simple; talking to his mom could do that.

-----

"Hey Meg!" called a familiar voice as Lily wandered into her favorite café. Lily decided that it was too much work to try to explain to her muggle friends why she had changed so much, so she just went back to her old disguise to visit them.

Lily smiled as she shook her brown hairs to get rid of the snowflakes that had settled there.

"Hello Ned. How's it going?" responded Lily as she walked up to the counter to treat herself.

"Not bad. A bit of a slow night though; it seems the snow is keeping folks at home."

"I'd brave the snow for one of your scones any day," said Lily happily as she unwound her scarf.

"Unfortunately, we are out of scones today; Ashley has been home sick, so she hasn't baked any new ones since yesterday morning. We only had one left, and that shady man in the corner bought it about a half hour ago."

Lily looked over at the man Ned was addressing, but she couldn't tell who it was because he had his hood up and his back to her.

Ned lowered his voice and said again, "It's odd; even when he ordered I didn't get a good look at his face. He just took his scone and tea and sat down there. He hasn't moved since and it's been 30 minutes. It's as if he's waiting for someone to show up."

Fear shot through Lily. She wondered if that man was a wizard and if he was there for her. Though, last time she checked, Death Eaters didn't eat scones and tea while waiting to kill someone.

It was possible though, Lily countered. It was very possible that Voldemort could have sent people out to find and kill her and somehow they had figured out that she came there every Wednesday night.

"I'm sure it's nothing," said Lily after a slight pause. "Anyways, how about whipping me up a latte and an herbal tea? Actually make that two herbal teas; do you have any that relieve headaches?"

"Aw, is Daisy tormenting poor Mike again?" asked Ned with a grin.

"She's getting close to her due date and has become very irritable."

"I'll see what we have in the back," said Ned as he left the front counter area.

"You all alone tonight?" asked Lily loudly as Ned disappeared.

"Yup," Ned called back. "Dad's gone to visit his aunt; last week she slipped on her front walk and broke her ankle. So he and I take turns to visit her everyday and do her chores."

Then there came a sound of a couple of boxes tumbling down in what Lily guessed was the storeroom.

"You okay Ned?" called Lily.

There came a muffled answer that sounded positive.

"Need any help?"

"I've got it covered!"

"Okay," said Lily quietly, more to herself than Ned.

Now the chills of fear were starting to seep into her muscles. She could feel the eyes of the only other person in the small coffee house on her. Lily shivered slightly. She both didn't want to turn around and she did want to.

As she was contemplating her next actions, the stranger stood and moved. Lily could hear his footsteps causing the old wooden boards to creak and she felt them shiver. Yet, she didn't turn around. She did, however, finger her wand which was conveniently located in her pocket.

"Lily," croaked the voice, which sounded as if it hadn't been used in some time. "Can we talk?"

Although the voice sounded strange and strained, as if its owner was opposed to what he was saying, Lily knew who that voice belonged to long before she turned around and he pulled off his hood.

"I was hoping you'd ask that," said Lily unsteadily. She and James were close, very close.

James sensed the tension and took a step back, which immediately broke the spell that had overcome them both.

Just then Ned appeared in the doorway, the names and medicinal properties of three different types of tea on the tip of his tongue, but as he took in the scene before him, the words died before they ever left his mouth. James and Lily were just staring at each other; to Ned it looked as if they were staring into each other's souls, so intently were their eyes boring into one another.

"I think I'll need two lattes and two teas," Lily said to Ned evenly.

**A/N. By the way- this is NOT the end! I'll let you know when it is. **


	18. An Ultimatum

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

Lily and James strolled through the streets of London, the snow swirling around them angrily. There weren't talking, just sipping their lattes.

Lily was looking straight ahead, appearing, to the untrained eye, as if the only thing she had on her mind was getting home before the two teas in the tray she was carrying cooled. However, a million thoughts were traveling through her head at breakneck speed and Lily couldn't remember the last time her heart had raced so fast.

James was highly trained in the art of reading Lily's few clues as to how she was feeling, so he would have noticed that she was biting her bottom lip, which she only did when she was concentrating on something, and that her eyes were unfocused, meaning that she was trying to sort many things out at once while letting her body move on autopilot, and interpreted these signs appropriately had he been paying any attention to Lily at all.

As it was, the only thing James was doing was dumbly following Lily's path and trying to sort out exactly what he wanted to say to her. From time to time he sipped his latte so that it appeared that he was calm, cool and collected. However, anyone could have guessed that James was worried because his posture was slouched and his head was down; after all, only so much of his body language could be attributed to the precipitation that was falling from the sky.

Eventually, Lily led James back to the Blue-Eyed Daisy. She quietly invited him out from the cold. Then, without another word, she disappeared to the kitchens, clutching the cardboard tray that held the teas much harder than was necessary.

James just stood awkwardly in the front of the restaurant while Lily delivered the teas. Every few seconds or so he would take a sip of his own coffee to try and ease the tension, but he still couldn't shake the tense feeling that had overcome him when he first saw Lily walking up the street to the café. She was in her disguise as Meaghan, but James could easily imagine red hair where there was brown and green eyes where there were chocolate colored ones.

Her cheeks had been rosy from the cold, despite the scarf that she had wound tightly over her neck and lower face, and snowflakes were tangled in her free falling hair that was being blown every which direction by the wind. Despite the cold, the wind and the snow, James could still tell that Lily was enjoying the tumultuous weather; he couldn't see her smile, but he knew her and he knew it was there. In those few seconds, James felt as if he had fallen in love with Lily all over again.

-----

After visiting his mother, James had not gone straight to the café. First he had gone back to his apartment. Once there, he had paced for awhile. Then he took out the letter that Lily had sent him weeks ago; he had snatched it out of the fireplace before anyone had a chance to light a fire because for some reason he just couldn't bring himself to burn it or let it be burned. After reading it and flinging it to some distant corner of the living room because he despised all of the positive images of and feelings towards Lily that it evoked in him, he resumed his pacing.

It was in this manner that Sirius found him. For nearly ten minutes, Sirius patiently let James vent about Lily. James poured out all of the anger and betrayal that he felt. Then he was left feeling empty. At this point Sirius said, "Why are you so afraid of her?"

James angrily responded that he was not afraid of Lily.

Sirius challenged his best mate's claim by saying, "You **are** afraid of her. You will rant about Lily to your mum, to me, to anyone except Lily. You're scared that once you run out of anger towards her that you'll love her again."

"I think I still love her, even now," James had whispered to the floor.

"And you don't want to love her because…"

"It hurts," James had answered simply. "It's like playing with fire. You have an odd fascination with it; it brings you heat and light and you never want to be parted from it, but then you get too close and you get burned. You learn a lesson by getting burned, don't do the same thing or you'll get burned again."

"Sometimes the pain is worth it."

With those words, Sirius had left James in a state of silent contemplation to prepare for a date of his own, a pit of jealousy in his gut that his feelings towards the girl he was going to see in only a few hours time would never amount to what James felt for Lily.

Shortly afterwards, James had set out for the café which Lily had brought him to months prior. For a half hour, he had sat there, unsure of what to do. His hood covered his hair and kept part of his face in shadow. James could tell that the man at the counter thought he was highly suspicious, but James didn't care. He wanted to remain anonymous so that he could approach Lily, not the other way around; if the man at the counter had recognized James, he could have alerted Lily, who would have probably headed for the proverbial hills after the previous episode at Potter Manor.

It took James a few moments to gather his courage and every ounce of humility that he possessed in order to be able to approach Lily. Once that was done, he went up to her. She turned around at the sound of his voice and he pushed back his hood. Their gazes connected and James could feel the beat of his heart become erratic. He yearned for the feeling of his lips on hers, a feeling which had only briefly been his at the New Year's Eve ball when they had exchanged a short and friendly kiss at midnight.

These feelings of lust both scared and angered James, so he took a step back. He just couldn't fathom how Lily could still have that much of an impression on him while she was in a disguise and he was supposed to be angry at her.

-----

All too soon, in James' opinion, Lily reappeared at his side, startling him out of his thoughts.

"Where do you want to go?" asked Lily quietly as if she was afraid of James.

"I don't know," admitted James in that same cautious voice; they were both treading on thin ice and they knew it.

"Come on then," said Lily as she grabbed his hand as if to guide him, but then quickly dropped it as she remembered the situation. "Come on…" she said even more quietly as she turned and walked to the back of the restaurant.

James followed behind her without a sound.

They soon reached the door that led to Lily's flat. She looked around and then when she was sure that the coast was clear, she took out her wand and tapped the doorknob three times while murmuring unintelligible words under her breath. After that, she opened the door and went up the flight of stairs, James on her heels.

When she reached the second door, Lily waved her wand in several patterns and recited many spells to break through her protective charms. It took Lily two full minutes to disable all of the charms surrounding her home.

"I've added quite a few new charms in the past couple of weeks," said Lily apologetically. "It takes a while to get in and out now, but I'd rather be safe than sorry."

James just nodded as he stepped into Lily's flat. He looked around as she redid all of the charms on both doors. Lily's flat seemed to perfectly reflect Lily herself; the walls were done in light colors, but on each of the walls was painted inspiring quotations in bold colors. It wasn't exactly messy, but it wasn't clean either. There were a couple of envelopes and letters on a table by the door; blankets and pillows were spread messily across the couch; clothes were strewn over an armchair, and shoes were tossed unceremoniously in a corner a few feet from him.

Lily walked back to James silently, her socked feet not making a sound on the carpet. She watched him closely as his eyes darted from one aspect of the room to another.

"You can take off your coat and gloves," said Lily quietly.

James was slightly startled; he had almost forgotten exactly where he was. "Oh, uh, okay."

Lily graciously took his coat and hung it up next to hers.

Finally Lily couldn't take the silence and the awkwardness anymore; it wasn't in her nature to sit back and let others take control. Slowly Lily made eye contact with James, then, at a normal volume, she said, "I am sorry."

"Are you?" challenged James, a bit of fire returning to his tone.

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I caused you pain," said Lily honestly. "I never meant to."

"How could you think I wouldn't be hurt?" asked James, his voice raw with emotion as he took a step closer to Lily.

"Emotional pain is far better than physical pain, or death," said Lily defiantly, her head held high.

"How would you know? How could you possibly know that feeling like your heart is being ripped out is much worse than the actual process?" asked James, his voice still low and hoarse.

"You seem to forget, I lost everything that night. My home, my friends, my parents, my dream, my career. And I lost you, just like you lost me," said Lily her voice soft and pleading for him to understand.

"But you knew I was still alive! I thought you were dead! You knew that I was out there somewhere and you could have seen me if you wanted, but I… I was left to stare at your casket as it was lowered into the ground wondering how I could have possibly let something happen to you."

"I just wanted to keep you safe," said Lily with a defeated air as she let her shoulders slump and her gaze fall to the floor. "I didn't want you to suffer like my mum and dad… because of me."

James felt guilt gnaw at him. His mum had said the same thing, but it was different coming from Lily's mouth. He opened his own mouth, but Lily continued before he could get anything out.

"So I hid. I let the world think I was dead. It hurt so much James; I felt as if someone had sucked out my heart leaving me as just a walking, breathing, unfeeling, body. Eventually my wounds began to scab over as I immersed myself in working here. For awhile, I lived up here with my cousin and her husband, but then they moved out to get their own house and I couldn't bear to be in their happily married presence all the time, so I stayed up here by myself.

"So many nights I would come up at eleven or twelve after doing all of the possible chores for the restaurant and I wouldn't even be able to turn on the light; I was scared of what might be waiting for me in the darkness. So I would just stumble along to bed and look at the stars outside of my window, my vision watery, and I would wonder where you were, what you were doing.

"Then the four of you showed up. I felt as if my world had come crashing back down. Then Remus cornered me and I made him promise not to come back. But you came back. And then Sirius asked me out for you. I didn't want to break you heart again; I just wanted you to move on. You seemed so broken; I just wanted to fix the damage I had done."

"You made things worse," croaked James. "I still loved Lily, but I couldn't help but warm up to Meaghan as well… I was so confused. And then there was the ball and things got all jumbled up and you as Meaghan had taken on Voldemort and then you appeared as Lily. Then Sirius said that Lily and Meaghan were the same person… but I couldn't quite get mad at you yet because you were so sick. But then you said some things that really got me mad. So I left and didn't visit again.

"Then at my dad's wake and funeral, you just showed up. I couldn't believe that you would. And then you sent me that letter. I just got even more confused. Then you were visiting my mom and I just snapped."

"James?" asked Lily tentatively, her eyes still concentrated solely on the ground.

"Yeah?"

"I really am **really** sorry. I never meant for things to get so out of hand, and I guess I just didn't think everything through. I was afraid and I made some rash decisions without thinking about how my actions could affect others. About what I said in my letter-" Finally Lily looked up at James' inquisitive face and met his gaze. "I meant it. I am still in love with you; I never stopped loving you."

Tears shimmered in Lily's eyes, which she had charmed back to their normal green color, and for once, the emotions which Lily felt played openly across her face. No longer was Lily guarding herself, afraid to be hurt; no, for once Lily was baring her soul, because that was what love was all about, right? Giving your heart to someone and trusting them not to break it?

Emotion coursed through James as he looked down at Lily, who looked uncharacteristically small and helpless. He knew that she meant what she said; he could read it on her face. Never had he seen Lily so completely open and vulnerable, not even when she was not in her right mind at St. Mungo's or when she was telling him for the first time that she loved him in return.

James knew exactly what was on the line right now; he could either tell Lily that he felt the same way and they could live happily for the rest of their lives, or he could tell her that he didn't want a relationship with her again because she had hurt him too deeply and lose her forever, not only as a girlfriend but as a friend at all. It was one extreme or the other, an ultimatum.

"Lily, I," began James, his head still swirling. "I…" Why was it so hard for him to talk to her? It seemed like his words, usually so smooth in his mouth, were now big and clumsy, getting caught on his tongue. And of course having Lily standing so close to him, so close that he could count the freckles on her nose, didn't help the situation any; he had always found it hard to think straight when she was near.

Then all of a sudden, Lily went up on her tip toes, only centimeters from James' face. She tilted her head so that their lips were nearly touching. Green eyes met hazel. All James needed to do was move his lips slightly and they would be kissing. His gaze never strayed from hers; his eyes were silently thanking her for letting him express in actions what he couldn't express in words.

Without further hesitation, having made up his mind once and for all, James…

**A/N. And thus I leave you! Please review, even if it is only to tell me how completely wicked I am! **


	19. It Ended With a Kiss

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

Without further hesitation, having made up his mind once and for all, James kissed Lily with months worth of pent-up passion and longing. She responded just as eagerly and soon their kiss had evolved into a full-fledged snog session.

Finally, the need for oxygen took first place on the priority totem pole, only just beating kissing by the lungs' vote.

James and Lily looked into each others eyes, clothing and hair tousled, cheeks rosy and lips swollen. Then James reached over to Lily and tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. His lips soon followed the path of his hand. Into her ear, James whispered, "I love you Lily."

Lily turned her head to face James and responded, "I love you too."

James and Lily validated their statements by sharing several more heated kisses.

Sometime later, James said, "Lily will you go out with me?"

"Absolutely," answered Lily firmly as she once again captured his lips with her own.

-K-I-S-S-

"Hey Daisy, Mike, Eddie," said James with a smile on his face as he greeted the young family upon his entrance in the kitchen of the Blue Eyed Daisy. Little Eddie Haeden was only five weeks old, but already he was involved in the family business; Daisy had returned to work a few days prior with her baby son in a carrier on her back.

As James walked in, Daisy was sitting on a chair feeding Eddie a bottle while Mike was pretending to be cooking but really watching his wife and son.

"Is Lily around?" asked James after Daisy and Mike had greeted him.

"Oh, she didn't tell you?" asked Daisy as she looked up from her baby. At James' puzzled expression, she continued, "She went to visit Petunia this evening. Although I think that she expected the meeting to only take a few minutes, she's been there for almost an hour already. She should be back soon."

James nodded with a confused look on his face.

"James would you mind finishing burping Eddie for me? He just spit up all over my blouse so I need to go change," asked Daisy as she interrupted the young auror's thoughts.

"Sure," said James in a voice that was anything but positive as he accepted the tiny baby.

He put Eddie up against his shoulder and patted him softly on the back just as he had seen Lily do when she was serving her babysitting sentence for losing her bet with Mike.

At that moment Lily walked in, her face void of all emotion. She walked up to James and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. Then she held her arms out for the baby without a word. James watched Lily with a concerned expression on his face. She was pacing the floor slowly while holding the baby very securely.

"Lily…," said James slowly. "Are you… do you…"

"No," said Lily without even waiting for James to finish his question. "I don't want to talk about it, not yet."

Lily continued to pace with the baby and James continued to stand in the same spot he had occupied since he had entered; the whole time his eyes never left Lily. Eventually Daisy returned and took the now sleeping baby from her cousin to lay him in his crib that was set up in the small office that abutted the kitchen.

Without something to do, Lily just stood in the middle of the kitchen looking lost as people continued to move around her. James walked over to her and enveloped her in a long, comforting hug, letting her know that he was there for her.

"Can we take a walk?" asked Lily as she leaned her head against his shoulder. "I really don't want to break down here."

James nodded and the two walked out hand-in-hand. Out of the corner of his eye Mike watched the couple go with a smile on his face. Over the past months he had gotten really attached to his wife's cousin. She was such a sweet, sad young woman; he was glad that she had someone like James in her life.

Daisy walked up to her husband, also having seen the exit of Lily and James. "He's good for her," she said simply. "She's the person she was before her parents died again."

"Yeah," said Mike, remembering the Lily who had worked summers at the restaurant.

"I think they're going to get married."

"Probably," agreed Mike; he saw how James looked at her. "Actually, definitely."

Meanwhile Lily and James had exited out into the back alley and were disapparating to a park near James' house. As seventh years they had visited during the Christmas holidays; they were only friends then. During the few days they had together after graduation, they had returned to the park as a couple. It only seemed fitting that they should visit it once again now.

Lily mutely walked through the empty yard and sat on the same swing that she always sat on. James also fell into his usual role and got behind her and pushed her.

For nearly ten minutes the pair passed the time in this fashion. Still neither of them uttered a syllable. Unlike many other people, James knew not to force Lily to do anything, especially not to share her feelings. If she wanted to, she would; if she didn't want to, James would just have to deal with that. But both James and Lily knew that it wouldn't come to that; it was just a matter of time before Lily would tell James everything.

Finally Lily dragged her feet on the ground and effectively slowly herself down. She sat still for a moment and then got up and faced James.

"She thought I went to take my share of the inheritance from her," began Lily. "Once I said that I didn't want it, mostly because I knew I would never get it and I didn't want to make the rift between us even bigger, she accused me of our parents' deaths. She told me…" At this Lily's voice began to shake and her whole body began to tremble. James rushed to her side and gave her another warm hug.

"She told me that it was all my fault they were dead. If I had never gone to Hogwarts they wouldn't be dead. It's true," whispered Lily as her tearstained face lifted and looked at James.

"It's not true," said James. "And even if it was, your parents wanted you to be a witch. Hell, Petunia even wanted to be a witch! She's only jealous Lily; it's like what you always used to tell me about Snape, 'don't let him get to you, he's only trying to bait you because he's jealous.'"

Lily took a deep, shaky breath. "She's my sister James; whether she likes it or not, it's true. The same blood runs in our veins. But I guess that means nothing to her. She told me she never wants to see me again because I only cause pain and destruction wherever I go."

"That's an utter lie and you know it Lily. I'm never happier than when I'm with you; my mum looks forward to your visits for days; you make everyone happy. I can always tell when you've had a girls' night out because Alice is exhausted in auror training, but she looks like she would sacrifice her sleep for time to spend with you any day of the week. Daisy, Mike and everyone else at the restaurant love you more than life itself."

"Did I ever tell you that you're really good at cheering me up?" asked Lily with a slight smile on her face.

James grinned and kissed her. "I don't need you to tell me; I already know."

"You're impossible," said Lily with a real smile on her face.

"Impossibly sexy," said James as he moved in closer for an intensely passionate kiss.

"I'm afraid I must agree with you on that one," Lily commented as soon as James let her up for air. "But just to make sure, you might have to do that again, for scientific reasons of course."

He just grinned roguishly and obliged the lady's request.

-K-I-S-S-

Months passed in a blur for Lily and James, they were young and in love; every date was an adventure. They went to muggle movies and Quidditch games, concerts and museums, James' mom's house and restaurants. Whatever they did, they did together. It was not often they were separated, in body or in spirit. However, there was one major argument they had in late May…

"You want to do what?" bellowed James. He had been up in Lily's flat waiting for her to change out of her work clothes so that they could go out, when he stumbled upon some papers on her coffee table.

Lily, her cheeks flushed with anger, yelled back, "I want to be an auror! Why is that so hard for you to understand?"

"But it's too dangerous!"

"Only for me apparently because it's not too dangerous for you or Alice, or Frank or any of the other countless aurors!"

"I don't want to see you get hurt!"

"Do you remember what happened last time one of us tried to protect the other?!"

"Yeah, you ran away like a coward! How can anyone be sure that you won't just run out in the middle of a battle or a mission?!"

"That's for them to determine! Not you!" said Lily. She wasn't showing it, but James' words had cut her deeply.

"You can't do this Lily! I won't let you!"

"You can't stop me! And obviously being reasonable and supportive is out of your league too!"

"Well maybe it is!" retorted James angrily. At this point it didn't really matter what he said as long as he said something and he said it loudly.

"You're acting like such a prat! It's like you're fifteen again!"

"Well you're being stubborn, but you never really grew out of that!"

"Just get out of here! I was going to ask you what you thought about me entering the auror training program, but obviously you aren't mature enough for a real conversation that doesn't include yelling! So just leave!"

"I will!" yelled James as he opened the door, which Lily hadn't yet put the protection charms back on in anticipation of their eminent departure. Then James slammed the door and stalked down the stairs. Lily cringed as she heard the second door slam as well.

A few tears managed to escape from the corners of Lily's eyes, but she swiftly swept them away and turned her attention to the half-filled out forms that James had discarded sometime during their spat. She really did want to be an auror and James was not going to stop her.

Silently, Lily finished filling out the application and then walked over to Diagon Alley to the post office to mail them before she lost her nerve. Only after she returned to her apartment did she allow herself to cry. A few minutes later she dried her eyes and tried to convince herself that James wasn't worth her tears; needless to say it didn't work out so well.

Two days later James "ran into" Lily at her normal Wednesday night coffee shop. He tried to talk to her but she gave him the cold shoulder as she got her tea and walked out of the store with a cordial farewell to Ned. He followed her to a park. She sat down on a bench; so did he.

After she finished her tea in silence, Lily said coolly while staring straight ahead of her, "I already sent in the application so don't bother yelling at me again."

"I wasn't going to yell at you," said James softly. "I came to apologize."

"Oh," Lily responded quietly without moving her gaze from the dark blackness ahead of her.

"I'm really sorry; I was being a prat. It just really got me worked up to think about you putting yourself in danger all the time. It's kind of been a consolation to me that when I hear about all of these constant battles from the aurors, I know that despite what is going on in the wizarding world, you're safe in the muggle one."

"As much as you and I both want to think I'm safe; let's face it, I'm not. I'm sure by now Voldemort knows that it was me New Year's Eve. Honestly I don't know how he hasn't found me yet. I suspect that he's just bidding his time, lulling me into a false security until it's more convenient for his busy schedule. It keeps me up at nights sometimes," Lily confessed.

"So why do you want to be an auror? It just increases your chances of being… killed."

Lily finally faced James and said, "Because I never want anyone to be afraid to fall asleep ever again. I don't ever want someone to wake up in the middle of night crying for their mum only to remember that hers was the death that you just relived in your dreams. I never want anyone to feel this kind of void in their life. I want to contribute James; I want to do something more worthwhile in my life than carting around food. I know I can do more, so I'm going to. Please understand, I don't think I could do this without you."

"I do understand," said James. "It's just hard for me to accept, but for you, I am willing to try anything."

"That's all I ask," said Lily as she kissed James lightly.

As they leaned their foreheads together, James looked into Lily's eyes and said, "I missed you."

"I missed you too," she responded as she kissed him again.

"And I definitely missed this," said James with a grin as he kissed the love of his life.

-K-I-S-S-

"How did it go?" asked James as he waited outside of the auror training center. It was Lily's first day of evaluations and James knew how stressful the process could be, so he planned on taking Lily out to eat somewhere.

Lily's eyes shone brightly as she excitedly answered, "It went wonderfully! I aced every single test they threw at me! I have to wait until tomorrow for the results, but I am so positive that I did well!"

James smiled at Lily's joyful face. He was secretly very relieved. Although he knew Lily was very bright and an extremely capable witch, James wasn't so sure that she would remember all of the stuff they had learned in school after a whole year of being out of practice.

"I'm glad that you feel so confident," said James with a slight chuckle in his voice at seeing his girlfriend so giddy. "I was expecting you to end up with your brain fried, just like after we took our N.E.W.T.s."

"I think I actually felt better prepared for these tests than the N.E.W.T.s."

"How is that possible? You studied for weeks for your N.E.W.T.s and you didn't study at all for these tests."

Lily laughed. "Did you honestly think I wouldn't study for these tests? It's me you're talking to; did you somehow forget that?"

James shook his head. "How could I have been so stupid? You've probably been studying for months."

"Years actually," Lily replied.

"Yeah sure…"

"Actually it's true. I started reviewing for the auror exams in fifth year, right after I had my career choice meeting with McGonagall. She gave me some titles of books to make sure I really wanted to be an auror. I read those and once I was convinced, she and the other teachers started to give me book titles of other books I could read about being an auror and the training and such.

"Then after Remus visited me all those months ago and I realized that my disguise was not impenetrable, I started to brush up on all of my spells. I went out and bought a whole bunch of books, mostly ones used during auror training, so the tests were pretty easy for me."

"How did you get those? You have to have a whole bunch of paperwork to get authorization to even look at those books. It was a huge pain in the arse," said James.

"That day I disguised myself as the stereotypical ditzy blonde girl, so when I told the store clerk I had accidentally lost my papers, he just sighed and muttered something about the Ministry letting anyone become an auror these days."

"Well there's a rather large hole in the system."

"Don't blame the system, I can be very persuasive when I want to be," purred Lily.

"Don't I know it," said James as he felt the temperature in the lift rise significantly.

"You know you can't resist," said Lily as she pulled James' collar and brought his lips to hers.

James grinned against her lips for a second and then deepened the kiss.

No one even noticed anything out of the ordinary when James and Lily emerged from the lift slightly disheveled and grinning like fools while holding hands. By now, James and Lily's relationship had become common knowledge.

In fact, every once in a while when the Daily Prophet needed something to combat the evils going on in the world, James and Lily made it into the newspapers. Everyone just loved their story- boy likes girl, girl hates boy, eventually girl likes boy, boy likes girl, girl disappears, boy, heartbroken, searches for her for months, boy meets new girl who is really old girl, boy falls in love with new girl/old girl, new girl/old girl falls in love with same boy, girl takes on You-know-who and gets sick, boy visits girl's bedside faithfully, girl reveals true identity, they fall in love and hold hands all the time. Yup, just your average story.

After a while James and Lily just learned to ignore it, though Sirius always read the articles and shared the juicy gossip with the couple.

As the pair walked to the front of the lobby, a very well-informed reporter called out to them. James rolled his eyes, but politely stopped to face the rushed young man.

"James Potter and Lily Evans?" he asked in an excited voice.

"Yes?" chorused the pair.

"Can I just have a moment of your time? I just need a few quotations from the pair of you."

"A picture's worth a thousand words," quoted James as he kissed his girlfriend. In the background he dimly registered the click of a camera, but it didn't matter much.

-----

"I am surrounded by imbeciles!" yelled Voldemort furiously as he cast torturing spells left and right at the gathered Death Eaters. "How hard could it possibly be to kill one mudblood?! She is only a child! Not only that, but you already know where she is! I sent you out months ago to trace her! More information is forthcoming about that blood traitor Potter, and he is constantly being watched!"

Behind his mask Luscious grinned; it was his task to spy on James Potter and the Dark Lord had just nearly handed Luscious a compliment. On the other hand, the two men assigned to watch Lily Evans were having difficulties. All Luscious had been able to gather from their twisted, stuttering statements was that there seemed to be some sort of forcefield guarding Lily's home and the restaurant and that Lily could never be spotted in public, despite how the Daily Prophet seemed to always be snatching candid pictures of her and James.

"How is it that the Daily Prophet can get pictures of them every other day, yet none of my followers can catch sight of that filth?!" bellowed Voldemort, his eyes menacingly challenging each of the men in turn. "That was a question!"

"I don't know my lord," blubbered the men.

"One thing among many," said Voldemort scathingly. He raised his wand, said, "Avada Kedavra," and one of the men lay dead. Luscious did not even flinch as he heard the body hit the floor dully.

Before Voldemort could kill the other failure, the man crawled over to where Voldemort was standing and kissed his robes fervently. "Please master spare me! I can do better!" claimed the man.

"I am finished with your pathetic excuses, Avada Kedavra," said Voldemort spitefully.

The man fell to the ground, his lips still pursed, the thick black fabric of his master's robes less than a centimeter away.

-K-I-S-S-

"Evans!" bellowed a man as he entered the classroom Lily was in. "Come quickly, please excuse us Professor, but Miss Evans will not be returning to class today."

"What's wrong?" asked Lily as soon as she was in the hallway with the large man.

"I am not allowed to tell you much, this is highly classified, but what I can say is that James Potter is hurt. You were on his list, so here you are," said the man in a voice that sounded as if he had run out of sympathy the thousandth time he had to deliver similar news.

Lily gulped and felt slightly dizzy. An auror's 'list' was the names of people that he or she wanted to be contacted in the case of an extreme emergency.

The five minutes that it took for Lily to make it to St. Mungo's seemed as if they lasted forever. Her escort left her in the lobby and she immediately went to the receptionist.

"Could you tell me what room James Potter is in please?" she requested as steadily as was possible.

"In Mr. Potter's case, only immediate family are allowed to visit," said the receptionist dully.

"I'm his girlfriend," said Lily.

"I'm sorry," said the insincere woman. "That doesn't cut it."

Lily dug around in her schoolbag and finally dug out some wrinkled papers. "I am also a second year auror trainee. These papers allow me clearance to see any auror or auror trainee in this hospital."

"These are only valid if you are writing a report," sneered the woman.

"How do you know I'm not? Are you going to stand in the way of an auror investigation? Currently that is an offense punishable by a minimum of one year in Azkaban," said Lily coolly.

Just then Sirius rushed up, so flustered that he didn't even register that it was Lily standing next to him in front of the receptionist's window. "I'm here to see James Potter."

The overworked and underpaid receptionist rolled her eyes and said, "Due to the circumstances surrounding Mr. Potter's condition, only immediate family are allowed in to visit him."

"This is Sirius Black," said Lily before Sirius had a chance to respond. "He was a witness to the attack and is a witness of mine. I would like to interview both him and the victim at the same time."

"Mr. Potter is not in a well enough state for interviews."

"That is for the Healers to decide."

"I saw him when he was carried in here; it was not a pretty sight."

"Damn you to hell woman! Just give us the security passes!" yelled Sirius.

"Mr. Black is a close friend of the victim," explained Lily as impartially as possible. "Now, it is vital to the investigation that Mr. Black and I speak to Mr. Potter as soon as possible. This is your last warning; if you do not issue us clearance passes, I will be forced to report you to my superiors."

"Right, of course, I wouldn't want to interfere," said the receptionist with a very fake smile. "Here are your passes to get into the Intensive Care Unit. Just go get your wands checked out."

"Will do," said Sirius curtly as he snatched the passes, a new security measure taken by the hospital.

After they made it past security, Sirius turned to Lily, who had dropped her calm outer demeanor, and said, "He'll be okay Lily." Then he wrapped one arm around Lily's shoulders. "He'll pull through; he just has to."

"Thanks you Sirius," said Lily as she kissed him on the cheek.

"Anytime love."

-K-I-S-S-

**A/N. This is still not the end! But we are getting there. Now I have to thank you all, last chapter I was astounded by all of the reviews! I am very short on time, so I didn't have time to respond to each review individually, but I want you all to know that I appreciated each one! Please review for this chapter as well, or I will be forced to with another cliffhanger similar to the one last chapter. **


	20. Endless Love

**Disclaimer: I would like to just point out once again that I do not own any Harry Potter or Harry Potter related copyrights.**

Sirius convinced Lily that he should go in to see James first, in case that James was in a very critical state and looked bad, so he could brace her for the shock. Lily tried to argue that she was a level 2 auror in her first year of training and could take the 'shock', but Sirius insisted that no matter how much she had impressed the instructors at the auror academy with her outstanding test results, she was still like a little sister to him and thus he was going to try and protect however he could.

And so, Sirius left Lily leaning against the opposite wall, glaring at the door to James' hospital room, her arms crossed over her chest. After a few minutes, Sirius came out and stepped aside to let her have some private time with James.

"Hey," said Lily softly as she stepped into the room.

James and his mom, who was sitting in a chair next to James' bed, both smiled back at her.

"I think I'm going to go get some tea," said Mrs. Potter with a knowing glance at her very appreciative son.

Lily sat down in the evacuated chair and gave James a diagnostic look-over. He seemed to not be in any immediate danger, just a few patches of gauze and a couple of bruises. Then she gave him a very relieved smile and asked quietly, "How are you doing?"

"Better now," said James with a huge grin.

"What happened?"

"My group was training in a different gym because someone let out a whole bunch of Cornish pixies in the one in the training center and we were attacked by Death Eaters. Apparently it was a huge plot. Luckily, the next group of trainees was just coming in when we were attacked, so the Death Eaters were overwhelmed pretty quickly. We all got a bit bruised up, but there weren't any casualties."

"I'm just glad that you're alright," said Lily as she squeezed James' hand that was resting on the coverlet.

"So am I love," answered James. "Luckily, the Healers said I could be checked out later today."

"That's good."

"Isn't your group supposed to be in class right now?" asked James as he checked the clock on the wall.

Lily turned around and checked the clock as well, "Yeah, but I was excused because they activated your list."

"I wonder why…" mused James. "It wasn't that serious of an attack."

"It was probably just done on principal. Whoever is in charge of that sort of thing probably just activated the lists of anyone involved, in case someone was in critical condition."

"Yeah, that's probably it. So how was class today?"

Lily sighed, "It's a lot of work, but I really like it. Today we covered a lot of boring stuff though. Professor Hindle drones on like Professor Binns."

"I had him first year for Stealth class, not that you would know about first year!" said James with mock indignation. "I still can't get over the fact that the instructors promoted you to second year before you even attended one day of class or physical training!"

"What can I say? I'm just brilliant that way. I told you I rocked those tests!" said Lily with a huge smile.

"And they say _I'm_ the megalomaniac…" muttered James sarcastically.

Lily laughed and proceeded to fill James in about the rest of her day and he gave her his summary of his.

Both pointedly ignored the fact that James could have been killed or more gravely injured and instead focused on the little things in life, like professors and class work. The whole time Lily was there, her hand never left James'. Lily subconsciously felt that if she kept holding onto James' hand, he wouldn't get hurt and leave her.

-----

"Hey Lily," said Sirius randomly as the Marauders and Lily were hanging out in the boys' apartment. "What kind of charms do you have on your flat?"

What Sirius didn't say was that he was really wondering how she hadn't been found by Death Eaters yet. Sirius knew that James worried about Lily living by herself in a muggle apartment that was relatively easy to get to.

"There's tons of charms on it," said Lily with a half-hearted glare at Sirius as James perked up to hear her answer. It was a sore spot between the couple. "I did a lot of research and even sent a few owls to Professor Flitwick for advice, using a pseudonym of course. It's a pain to undo all the charms every time I go in or out."

"Why don't you just apparate or Floo?" asked Peter.

"I set charms so that you can't apparate in or out of my flat and it's not connected to the Floo network," Lily explained. "So how was the Quidditch match the other day?"

Sirius took Lily's bait and the subject was effectively changed, though James was still not satisfied.

-----

"So Lily dear, how are you," said Mrs. Potter as she poured Lily a steaming cup of tea during one of their weekly visits.

"I'm doing pretty well," said Lily with a large smile.

"I imagine so! I still can't believe that you caught up to James' class at the Auror Academy. It simply is amazing dear."

"I can't really believe it either sometimes. It was a lot of work, but I guess it paid off. For so long it seemed as if I would never get to this point, but I did and right on schedule! It's like things never went wrong."

"Yes," said Mrs. Potter wistfully. "Sometimes I feel as if New Year's Eve was just a dream and that Christopher will be waiting for me around every corner and bend. Things are going to be tough this season."

"I agree; with Christmas looming so close, I miss my parents more than ever. We had so many Christmas traditions, and even when I was away at Hogwarts, they would always wait for me to come home to pick out the tree or make gingerbread houses," said Lily as she stared out into space, tears pricking her eyes.

"Every, every year," said Sarah Potter with a sniffle. "Christopher would go out and get five or six Christmas trees in the middle of November, around this time actually. He loved Christmas so much- for him Christmas started in mid-November and lasted until the middle of February. He would always have to put so many charms on the trees to get them to last that long."

Lily and Sarah both quit trying to hold back their tears; they both stood up from their chairs and embraced each other, drawing strength from the hug.

"It's so hard sometimes," Lily whispered through her sobs.

"I know dear. It feels as if a piece of you is missing, like you'll never be whole again."

"I hate him," said Lily fiercely.

Without having to ask, Sarah knew that Lily meant the man whom was the source of so many tears and broken hearts. "I do too," she answered with the burden of a woman who has lost many loved ones.

-----

Despite the tears exchanged by Lily and Sarah weeks before, Christmas was a happy occasion.

The Marauders had gone out and gotten six trees the weekend after Sarah had told Lily about her late husband's Christmas tree habit. Then they had decorated the trees under the guidance of James and the direction of Lily to surprise Sarah when she returned from her afternoon errands.

Christmas Eve the four Marauders slept over at Potter Manor, but Lily didn't join them until the next day because she spent the night with Daisy and Mike and Mike's family.

Christmas morning, the four boys were up early, as usual. Sirius was up first, and he woke everyone else up in various, what he called "festive" ways. James didn't think that being assaulted with four buckets of plum pudding was very "festive"; Remus didn't consider being pelted with fruitcake pellets part of the "season or giving" and Peter was not sure that being hit by enchanted branches of mistletoe was really what "Christmas was all about."

After much grumbling, and a shower for James, the young adults raced down the hallways and stairs to get to the living room where all the presents were. By the time they got there, Lily and Mrs. Potter were already up and in the room.

"Happy Christmas love," said James as he plopped down next to Lily on the floor and gave her a quick kiss. In the background, Sirius made gagging noises.

"Happy Christmas to you too," said Lily with a wide smile.

"Do I get a kiss too Lily?" asked Sirius cheekily.

"No, but I'm know that there's a present with your name on it under the tree," said Lily, aptly distracting Sirius and allowing her another kiss with James without Sirius' commentary.

Soon Sirius had distributed the pile of presents and everyone had opened their share with a lot of thank you's and friendly hugs.

"Where'd all the presents go?!" asked Sirius as he scratched his head. He was sitting in the center of the room with wrapping paper surrounding him and the bows from all of the boxes in his hair, where Lily had jokingly put them, not expecting him to keep them there.

"You unwrapped them all," said Peter as if he was talking to a small child.

"Oh, right. Not a problem." Sirius said as he waved his wand and all of his presents re-wrapped themselves. He then unwrapped them, again.

Lily just looked on in amusement. She was sitting on the couch next to James, his arm around her and several presents at her feet. Life couldn't get much better in her opinion, but then it did.

"Is everyone, except for Sirius of course, done unwrapping their presents?" asked Mrs. Potter. "The house elves prepared a delicious breakfast…"

"Actually mum, I have one more left," said James as he got up off of the couch, presumably to get said present. What no one expected, not even his mother, was for him to get down on one knee in front of his girlfriend and while opening a small black velvet box that had been concealed in the pocket of his pajama trousers, say, "Lily, will you marry me?"

Peter, who had been sitting on the floor and lazily watching Sirius re-wrap and unwrap his presents, fell over backwards as he heard that fateful sentence leave his best friend's mouth. Sirius paused in his constant wrapping cycle to stare in shock, mouth hanging open. Remus, who had been sitting in a nearby armchair, dropped the new book he had been flipping through. Mrs. Potter sported a wide smile and clasped her hands as she looked on with joyous shock.

"Yes, yes, of course!" exclaimed Lily who recovered from her shock quickly.

James slipped the tasteful diamond ring on his fiancée's finger and then kissed her deeply as his friends and mother cheered (or in his mother's case, cried) in the background.

Lily couldn't help but think that this Christmas was loads better than the previous one, and even tons better than the one before that. James had similar thoughts swimming around in the miniscule portion of his brain that was not occupied with thoughts of Lily or ignoring Sirius' catcalls.

-----

"Lily, you have got to be the most beautiful bride I have ever seen!" exclaimed Daisy as she walked into the spare guestroom of her house where Lily and her bridesmaids were getting ready for the wedding.

Lily spun around and said, "I dunno Daisy… I don't really like my hair… and I should have bought those other shoes… and I'm not sure about this necklace…" Lily's words trailed off as she fingered said necklace and peered once more into the full length mirror.

"I told them not to leave you alone," said Daisy as she shook her head. "Come on, you look gorgeous. I love your hair; it looks so elegant and completely stunning. You couldn't have gotten those other shoes, they would have clashed with the earrings, and you need the necklace; it's the 'something old'."

Lily just continued to stare blankly into the mirror, turning the small silver heart shaped pendant over and over with the tips of her fingers.

Noticing the gesture, Daisy came up behind her cousins and said softly, "She would be so happy for you today."

Lily didn't reply; she just ran her finger lightly over the engraved lily on the front of the charm.

Finally, Lily said, "I miss them so much Daisy. This is all I have left of them! I remember the day I got it; it was my birthday in seventh year. My mom had made sure that I would get the package exactly on my birthday. I loved it the moment I saw it. I hardly took it off for months. I was wearing it when they were… attacked."

"It took your mom so long to pick that necklace out for you. She went to so many stores and got so many opinions. I swear that she showed me a hundred different necklaces. Everyone kept asking why she didn't just pick one. And every time she answered that it had to be the perfect one because it was your seventeenth birthday. Because it was a special day for you she had to give you a special gift so that you would know how special you were to her," said Daisy quietly, her voice cracking as tears ran down her face.

Lily whirled around and enveloped the woman who had stepped in as a role model, taken her in without asking any questions, given her a job, a house and something to live for, in a great hug. Lily shut her eyes tightly, trying, just like when she was a little girl, to keep the tears from falling. As usual, the tears slipped through and slid down her cheeks like streams down the face of a mountain.

"Look at us!" said Daisy as she pulled away and wiped away her tears. "This is supposed to be a happy day! Now come on, we have to fix your make-up."

"Don't worry about it," said Lily as she dabbed her tears away and showed that her make-up was still perfect. "Magic," Lily answered as she saw Daisy's awe-struck face.

"Of course," stammered Daisy. She had never gotten quite used to Lily's _abilities_. "Well, let's go get the other girls; the photographer wanted to take some pictures before the ceremony.

Lily nodded, gathered up her full skirt and walked out of the room to find Alice and Fiona, her bridesmaids.

Pictures were taken; dresses were adjusted; hair was repinned; make-up was touched up and tears were shed (many were Sarah Potter's).

Finally the wedding party climbed into the white limo outside of the house and made their way to the Church.

The Potter end of things was far less orderly. The boys were getting ready in Potter Manor. While Lily was riding towards the church, Sirius was looking under his bed for his shoes, Remus was trying to tie four ties at once, Peter was attempting to button his shirt and James was pacing. None of these things were good signs.

However, the Marauders were used to getting ready under stress; after all, they had not gotten up more than ten minutes before breakfast ended since the third week of first year. So, they were at the church and lined up near the altar in time, they were even six seconds early!

The ceremony went beautifully. Sirius didn't lose the rings, Peter didn't trip, Remus didn't botch the reading he did, James didn't mess up his vows, Lily didn't sit on her long flowing veil, Alice didn't drop her flower bouquet, Fiona didn't turn around and flirt with her boyfriend, Daisy didn't have to leave to take care of her new son and Sarah Potter didn't cry any more than any mother does when her only son gets married.

The unthinkable had happened; James married Lily. No one had ever thought that it would happen, except for James of course. Back in first year when he played pranks on her, people thought he disliked her. In third year when he started hanging around her all the time, taking the same electives as she did, people thought he was just trying to get more opportunities prank her. In fifth year when he started asking her out, they thought that was a prank too. Seventh year when he stopped asking her out, most people were convinced it was an elaborate prank. When she asked him out, the world stopped.

Then, it was Lily and James, always. They were the Golden Couple, the beautiful people. Where one was, the other wasn't too far away. Sure, they had their public spats, but that only made them more endearing to their adoring fans.

Then there was the attack on her home. Several people claimed that they could hear James' heart breaking. No one thought he would ever move on. Most people were very concerned. But in the end it worked out; James found Lily, and though he was terribly angry at her, she convinced him that she was worth the pain.

"A toast to James and Lily!" said Sirius finishing his speech as Best Man.

The small crowd gathered at the reception echoed the cheer and drank from their champagne flutes.

"I love you Lily Potter," James whispered into his wife's ear as they danced for the first time as husband and wife. "Now and forever."

"Forever," Lily whispered back, savoring the feeling of being in James' arms.

Forever. Forever is a very long time. James and Lily did not get their forever. Six months later, on New Year's Eve, Lily announced that she was pregnant. Nearly eight months after that, Harry James Potter entered the world.

"Harry," cooed Lily softly as she held her blanketed son closely while he slept. "I will love you forever."

"Forever," echoed the proud father as he stroked his son's cheek gently.

Forever. Forever is a very long time. Harry did not get his forever with his parents. Thirteen months after his birth, a prophesy was made that sealed Harry's fate forever, and destroyed his chance of spending forever with his loving parents. Two months later, Voldemort killed Lily and James Potter and left Harry Potter an orphan.

It was then that Lily and James discovered that forever can't be cut short; it extends after death. Beyond the thin veil that separates the living from the dead, Lily and James kept the vows the made on their wedding day; they loved each other forever.

Forever

**Forever**

_Forever_

**A/N. I'm sure that some of you are thinking that it took me FOREVER to write this last chapter. It sure feels that way! Thanks to all my readers who stayed with me, even though it seemed like I fell off of the face of the planet! Your reviews were awesome, and even though I once again did not have the time to respond to each of them, I did appreciate every single one! Please don't forget to review this last chapter; I am really interested to know how you liked/ disliked it! I'm kind of on the fence about it myself… it's not exactly as I had pictured it ending…**

**FYI: There won't be an epilogue or a sequel, but if you would like to read more stuff by me, I suggest "It's Better to Have Loved than Lost" which is kind of canon… or "He Loved Her First" which is AU somewhat similarly to how "Lily the Waitress" is AU. **

**Thanks again everyone and I hope that you put your superior reviewing skills to use for my other stories!**


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